Fashion Maverick

Did you know that I am a fashion maverick?  It’s true.  I have been for years.  Or am I a fashion maven?  I forget.  But I’m one of the two.

Actually, I was truly a young fashion trailblazer.  In 6th grade, I became the very first 10-year-old girl to wear nylons to school.  Yup.  I did.  I was very grown up.  And I wore them with a garter belt the boys found irresistible.  No, I was a good girl.  I didn’t try to show it to them.  But it was the sixties, the mini-skirt era.  And I was, at that time, really good in math.  The teacher, clearly a perv, often had me write the correct answers to homework problems on the blackboard.  High up on the blackboard.  There certainly was a lot of noise when I had my back turned.  Boys were so stupid.

I’m pretty sure I first wore nylons on one of those days when my mother went to work early and didn’t see me.  But still, I did it first.  The popular girls just couldn’t believe it was me – that I got there before they did.

Now you guys reading this are nodding off.  Stop it.  Just wait.  Skim.

Throughout junior high and high school, my fashion firsts continued.  I was also the first person to wear torn up blue jeans to school, and to go braless.  (See guys, I told you it would improve.)

Anyway, now that I am an adult, I am a wee bit more self-conscious in my fashion trail-blazing.  So I need some advice.

I’ve just gotten this new pair of jeans and, well, I just can’t decide where to wear them first.  I was so excited when I first saw these pants.   They’re just so me.

A special pocket for my concealed weapon!

They’re made by a Texas textile company, American Tactical Apparel.   The idea belongs to Brian Hoffner, a long-time Houston police officer who describes himself as “kind of a renaissance man,” according to this article.  Interestingly, the idea to make special pants to conceal his gun, came to him (ahem) while he was visiting a prostitute with a gun strapped to his thigh.  (I don’t know why, but I have few commercially successful ideas when I am visiting hookers.  And even fewer when I am afraid that I might shoot myself.)

Anyway, these jeans, along with a line of khakis and other apparel, are designed for the fashion-conscious gun-toter.  And it’s none too soon if you ask me.  It has been such an inconvenience sticking my handgun in my bra.

What do you think?  Where should I wear these jeans – and should I wear my Susan G. Komen Pink Hope 22 or go semi-automatic?

Who could forget Susan G. Komen's "Shooting for the Cure"Please, help me out here.

The only problem is there is only one holder.  And it is pretty small.  Where can I put my M-16?

56 Comments

Filed under Childhood Traumas, Elections, Fashion, Gun control, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Stupidity

56 responses to “Fashion Maverick

  1. You might need to add some gun toting leg warmers for that weapon.

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  2. I nominated you for a blog award! Check it out here and have fun: http://auroramorealist.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/blog-award-may-2012/

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  3. I still can’t figure out why the people with all the guns are so afraid of the people without guns. I do not understand this (or those pants).

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    • You know, Les, I’ve been wondering the very same thing myself. But then I don’t think gun owners are the brightest bulbs in the package. Anybody who would consider wearing those pants, for example, won’t be getting into Mensa, I’d wager.

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  4. Now if there would be a way to combine these jeans with the Forever Lazy loungewear, I’d be sold.

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  5. So hard for me not to vote for Yanks/Sox (or as we say in Mass “Sox/Yanks”). But really…..I am speechless….!!!!!

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  6. Hmmm. The .22 is just so small. I much prefer a .357 mag. That way, when I answer the door to a bunch of Jehovah’s Witnesses, they’ll think twice before coming back. With regards to the pants, that pocket does look a bit tiny. I would recommend a big purse, perhaps a pink one that supports Susan G. Komen. That way, you could get your P-22 AND your M-16 (broken down, of course) in it. You never know when you run to the grocery store when you’ll need to whip out your weapon.

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  7. cooper

    looks like you’re headed out to wow the congregation…praise th’ lawd!

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  8. Here’s my issue. There is no way those pants would conceal my grenade launcher. And I need to have that with me. At all times. What do you suggest?

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  9. I don’t give advice to those leading the way in fashion – so what ever you do is fine with me.

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  10. I could never wear those. It would only be a matter of time before I forgot to take my gun out of the pocket before throwing them into the washer.

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  11. Hi,
    That is truly hilarious, I have never seen anything like them, and most likely never will again. 😀
    Oh and I just love the pink gun. 🙂

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  12. Michelle Gillies

    Boys are still stupid 😉

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  13. These pants are uuuuuuggggly. Just wear a holster. And if people are going to tote a gun, why hide it? We should be able to identify gun toting fools at 20 paces, at least.

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    • I agree, PW — but then I wouldn’t have voted to pass a bill allowing folks to conceal weapons. I bet you wouldn’t have either. It is so stupid!

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  14. Is that a gun in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

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  15. You should make it church for sure!

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  16. You mean you don’t have a matching pink fanny pack for breaking down your oozie and storing it away. Never know when you are going to need it.

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    • It’s true. I often do need my automatic weapons. Especially when I’m with hookers. Don’t you find yourself in the same situation, Renee?

      Oy.

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  17. What I want to know is What is the horizontal zipper just under his belt for? His hunting knife?

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  18. Andrew

    I have a special guitar case for M-16 like that movie Desparado. It holds at least two, plus ammo, and you look mysterious.

    Like

Play nice, please.

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