Did you know that I am a fashion maverick? It’s true. I have been for years. Or am I a fashion maven? I forget. But I’m one of the two.
Actually, I was truly a young fashion trailblazer. In 6th grade, I became the very first 10-year-old girl to wear nylons to school. Yup. I did. I was very grown up. And I wore them with a garter belt the boys found irresistible. No, I was a good girl. I didn’t try to show it to them. But it was the sixties, the mini-skirt era. And I was, at that time, really good in math. The teacher, clearly a perv, often had me write the correct answers to homework problems on the blackboard. High up on the blackboard. There certainly was a lot of noise when I had my back turned. Boys were so stupid.
I’m pretty sure I first wore nylons on one of those days when my mother went to work early and didn’t see me. But still, I did it first. The popular girls just couldn’t believe it was me – that I got there before they did.
Now you guys reading this are nodding off. Stop it. Just wait. Skim.
Throughout junior high and high school, my fashion firsts continued. I was also the first person to wear torn up blue jeans to school, and to go braless. (See guys, I told you it would improve.)
Anyway, now that I am an adult, I am a wee bit more self-conscious in my fashion trail-blazing. So I need some advice.
I’ve just gotten this new pair of jeans and, well, I just can’t decide where to wear them first. I was so excited when I first saw these pants. They’re just so me.
They’re made by a Texas textile company, American Tactical Apparel. The idea belongs to Brian Hoffner, a long-time Houston police officer who describes himself as “kind of a renaissance man,” according to this article. Interestingly, the idea to make special pants to conceal his gun, came to him (ahem) while he was visiting a prostitute with a gun strapped to his thigh. (I don’t know why, but I have few commercially successful ideas when I am visiting hookers. And even fewer when I am afraid that I might shoot myself.)
Anyway, these jeans, along with a line of khakis and other apparel, are designed for the fashion-conscious gun-toter. And it’s none too soon if you ask me. It has been such an inconvenience sticking my handgun in my bra.
What do you think? Where should I wear these jeans – and should I wear my Susan G. Komen Pink Hope 22 or go semi-automatic?
The only problem is there is only one holder. And it is pretty small. Where can I put my M-16?