Category Archives: Neighbors

French is Dangerous

You’ve heard me talk about this before (Merde 101).  But the world has gotten more dangerous since I wrote that piece.  We need to be on the lookout.  We need to be vigilant.  We need to speak English.  No, this is not an anti-immigrant piece.  This is a potential-worldwide-calamity-caused-by-incomprehensible-grammar piece.

Yes, it’s true.  I’m saying that all roads to terrorism are sign-posted in FRENCH.  Believe me.  I lived there.  I know.  Well, I don’t know the language, but I know those signposts.  And what they say.  More or less.

Why would I make such an accusation?  Because French is stupid.

Well, actually, it’s really French possessives.  French possessives are stupid, illogical, dangerous.

You see, in French, objects get the gender of the object/noun, not the owner.  And that, is of course, the problem.

Imagine that there is a man and a woman in a train station.  Between them is a suitcase.

Google Image (or KGB?)

In it is a nuclear bomb.  Desperate to foil the bad guys, you cannot just shout out “It’s HIS!” pointing to the man who can be arrested and the bomb diffused.

Google Images are everywhere

Why not?

Because the word for suitcase in French is “valise” which is feminine.  Therefore, you can only say “It’s HERS” (“Est la valise!”) — regardless of who owns the suitcase/nuclear bomb.  The bomb would go off and everyone would die.

The terrorists would succeed because French is stupid.

Not speaking French is the way to protect the world.

*****

One of my blogging buddies, Paprika of Good Humored felt stupid recently.  She wrote about it here:  At Least We Can See France From Our Toilet.  And it’s not her fault.  You see, Paprika and her husband Oregano found themselves in French-speaking Switzerland, just down the road from where I used to live.  They came back feeling stupid.  They shouldn’t have.  Instead, they should have come back relieved that they had survived a nuclear attack.

[Note to folks who actually know French:  Before you get on my case, I do know that there are other was to say “It’s HIS.” But they are not short, sweet and to the point.  They are long and involved and the bomb would explode by the time anyone could get the sentence out.  The Terrorists would still win.]

67 Comments

Filed under Criminal Activity, Geneva Stories, Gizmos, Global Warming, Health and Medicine, History, Humor, Hypocrisy, Neighbors, Politics, Science, Stupidity

Damn Straight

I just read that the Washington, DC, metropolitan area is tops!  As in Numero Uno.  Better than second and third place winners, Denver and Chicago.  We are the Champions!

 

In what category?  Swearing at work.

Shit, yeah!

Who says Washington can’t do anything right?

41 Comments

Filed under Awards, Criminal Activity, Driving, Elections, Family, Global Warming, Gun control, Health and Medicine, Humor, Hypocrisy, Neighbors, Politics, Stupidity, Traffic, Word Press

Just Another Word

I just don’t get it.  And I’m hoping someone can help me out here.  You see, my parents left the Catholic Church when I was only 10.  So there is a whole lot about religion that I just don’t get. (Yeah, it’s their fault.)

I got the basics.  I don’t kill people or steal or do other bad things.  I love my neighbor, but not too much.  I’m involved with and engaged in my community, but just not in an organized religion sort of way.  Lack of church membership doesn’t make me a bad person, although I realize that some people would argue with that.  I can handle being on my own should “The Rapture” come to pass.

The thing is, a vocal minority of those folks are really getting all up in my face these days.  They are bouncing up and down and crying “religious freedom” all day and night.  And I don’t know about you, but I think the word “freedom” has been hijacked.   Whenever someone tries to tell me that they are protecting freedom,” well, it’s more likely that he or she is trying to take away some of my freedoms.  And yours.

Yup.  I’m getting the feeling that “Freedom” is becoming less and less free, right here at home.  That noise is Thomas Jefferson and the other founding fathers rolling in their graves.  You remember, those cool old guys who set up a government with a clear separation of Church and State?  I’m pretty sure they’re ticked.

So here is my issue.  My problem.  My query.  When God created man (and women), however that happened, He did it in His image right?  Isn’t that what the bible says?  I’m pretty sure that I got that part right.

These guys do look alike, don't they? But is beauty only skin deep? (Google Image)

Then here’s my question:  Was that image complete?  Whole hog?  I mean, did that “image” include the brain?  And if so, doesn’t that make using one’s brain “Godly” or “Godlike” or, at a minimum, “Good”? Doesn’t that mean that to NOT use one’s brain is ungodly?  And shouldn’t we use our God-given brains to make things better for God’s creatures, including our fellow man?

You see why I’m confused.  Maybe you are too.

I just can’t figure out why some folks apparently think that we were created in God’s image, but only on the outside.  On the inside, well, I guess we’re just created in someone else’s image.  I guess the only interior options would be the fish in the seas or the animals on the land.  That just doesn’t seem Kosher, now, does it?

Spencer Tracy's Father Flanagan doesn't look at all like Rick Santorum -- Google Image

If we were created in God’s image, inside and out, shouldn’t that mean that the wonders created by mankind are God’s work, too?  Isn’t that, well, logical?

So I just don’t understand the folks who hate science, who disdain learning, and who seem to want to go back to times when the folks organizing religion weren’t exactly like Father Flanagan.

Because it seems to me that Rick Santorum, the Virginia Legislature and the GOP in general look and act a lot like these guys:

Fun Times with the Spanish Inquisition -- Google Image

Hey, hey, don’t leave women out!  Those sluts.

Don't want to leave the little woman out of the Inquisition! (Google Image)

Because if these “religious freedom” folks have their way, “Freedom” will, in fact, be just another word for “nothin’ left to lose.”

Perhaps I should have taken more philosophy courses and fewer writing ones.  Because I just don’t get it.

59 Comments

Filed under Climate Change, Elections, Family, Global Warming, Humor, Hypocrisy, Neighbors, Science, Stupidity, Voting