Category Archives: Family

November 15, 2012 · 0:00

He’ll Never Guess

This year, John and I are toning way down on gifts.  Money is a bit tight, and we have a house full of the junk from Christmases past.  We really don’t need any more.

So I’ve been trying to figure out something fun and different to give John this year.  He’s so hard to buy for.  He has plenty of clothes, electronics, crap.  He’s asked for a few nice books, and I’ll be glad to get them.  But I’ve been trying to figure out something different.  Unusual.  Unique.  A gift he’ll never forget.

You’ll be happy to learn that while reading the news today, I found it.  And it’s to die for.

I’m getting my husband a calendar.  Well, not just any calendar.  Nope.  He’s getting:

The Linder Coffin Calendar 

A calendar of coffins and cuties.

Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?

Have you ever seen anything like it?  I didn’t think so.  Here’s a link to the rest of the 2012 lineup.

Surprisingly, there’s apparently quite a ruckus over in Poland about this calendar.  Would you believe it, the Catholic Church is peeved.  They think that it is disrespectful.  The article I read said:

A church spokesman has said that human death should be treated with solemnity and not mixed up with sex.

 You know, I’m beginning to think those bishops and cardinals just don’t get sex!

Still, we’re not Catholic, so we don’t have to worry.  Beside’s I’m pretty sure John will love his calendar.  He certainly won’t be able to guess what it is.

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November 10, 2012 · 0:00

Veterans Day Heartwarmer

There have been tons of stories in the press in the last year or so about the epidemic of suicides among veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.  Folks who come home to changed lives, different family structures, who have trouble finding jobs or happiness or peace have been killing themselves at a level never seen before.  It is a national tragedy and it has become a mental health priority for all branches of the military, for the federal government and for mental health professionals.

Part of our society, I’ve felt for a long time, has become less personal, as we rely more and more on our computers to stay in touch and less and less on actual contact and touch.  Facebook, blogs, emails are great, but they lack the human contact that we as a species need.

But I realized when I read this article that maybe I was misjudging.  Because this is the story of how a soldier, alone, desperate and planning his suicide was saved by his fellow veterans when his desperate condition was noted on Facebook.

Dan, the founder of a Military Humor page on Facebook called “Awesome Shit My Drill Sergeant Said,” noticed a posting on his page as he was just about to turn it off.

“I don’t know where else to turn,” read a new message from Michael, a National Guardsman, Business Insider reported. “I’m 100% certain that my friend is planning on killing himself tonight and I cannot get a hold of him or anyone that can get to him. Can you help me?”

The troubled vet had financial problems, relationship problems, job problems.  All hallmarks of a desperate situation he could no longer face.

Dan rallied the troops, literally.  He updated the blog to say:

“TROOP IN TROUBLE”

“We just received a request for help from a troop that turned to us in desperation because it is the middle of the night and no one in the chain of command is picking up the phone and he sincerely believes his battle [buddy] is planning to take his own life tonight.”

The folks reading in the middle of the night rallied, figured out the general location of the troubled soldier, and went to help a man that they didn’t know.

When Dan received a text from the soldier, they were able to track him via GPS.  They found him, alone and ready to die.

The article reports that the soldiers who went to him said:

“Let’s talk about what’s going on and figure out what we can do to get you on the right track,” fellow soldiers said from underneath the door.

At 5 a.m., 14000 comments and hundreds of calls and texts later, there was resolution:

“We picked him up. The soldier is safe.”

There are some truly brave and wonderful people in the world.

I wish Dan, the vets who rallied to help a stranger, and the troubled soldier a very happy Veteran’s Day.

 

*     *     *

In our house, Veterans Day, 11/11 is a special day for another reason.  This year it is the 21st anniversary of when we adopted Jacob.  So it is a special day indeed.

Last year I wrote about Adoption Day, and well, here’s the post for anyone who didn’t know me then:  https://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2011/11/10/adoption-day/

Happy Adoption Day, Jacob! 

With much love from Moms and Padre.

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Filed under Family, Health and Medicine, Mental Health

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November 3, 2012 · 0:00

Not too far!

 

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Filed under Criminal Activity, Elections, Family, Humor, Hypocrisy, Law, Politics, Stupidity, Voting

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October 28, 2012 · 0:00

I’ll Be Seeing You

I don’t know what you’re going to do for the next few days.  I mean without me.  Because I am pretty sure that you won’t be hearing from me for a bit.

Why?

Sandy, of course.

Damn — not THAT Sandy.  This one, The “Frankenstorm”:

The Weather Channel Hurricane Specialist Carl Parker says Sandy is expected to bring widespread damage over a wide area.
SHIT.

Some areas are prepared for nasty weather events.  Given that the Greater Washington DC  area closes down with snow flurries, well, it won’t be pretty here, even though other areas will likely get hit harder.

Still, I can safely say that:

  • I will be powerless for many days.
  • I will have no running water until the power comes back on sometime around Thanksgiving.
  • Trees will fall on my once wooded lot and I will have to remortgage to pay for the cleanup.  Then I will plant wheat.
  • I will be unable to flush the toilet for a very long time which is especially pleasant if you live with Crohn’s Disease.
  • I will be unable to shower for days.
  • We will not relocate to a hotel because it would upset our dog, Cooper, too much.  Cooper is very old and has been dying any day now for nearly three years.  He will bury John and I when we smell so bad that he mistakes us for dead animals.
  • I will not be pleasant to sit next to until sometime after the election when I promise to shower.

I can also safely say that I will be going completely out of my minds being unable to check polls, hear about what is happening in the run-up to the election and what stupid things Ann and Mitt Romney, and Pauly Ryan have said lately.

But you won’t have to suffer, unless you too are in Sandy’s way.  When you are looking for your bizarre little bits of what the crazies on the left are doing, here are two of my favorite locations:

http://www.dailykos.com/

http://crooksandliars.com/

Meanwhile, until the storm starts, I will be at the grocery store.  Handing out copies of this picture:

You gonna vote for a guy with even less heart than Bush???

 *     *     *

To all my friends who are also in Sandy’s way, good luck with the storm.  Remember, that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  And of course, by “stronger” I mean more fragrant.

To all of you who are not impacted by Sandy, please go to our websites frequently so that we will feel the love later, when we have electricity and want to know that our bloggin’ buddies have been by to help keep our stats up.

And Sandy of Sandylikeabeach?  I expect you here by Friday with a chain saw!

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Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Campaigning, Climate Change, Criminal Activity, Family, Global Warming, Humor, Hypocrisy, Music, Real Estate, Voting

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October 27, 2012 · 0:00

Idiot Wind

Damn it!  My most recent pipe dream has just come crashing down around my ears.

You know, the one where I become a wildly successful, NY Times bestselling novelist because of the incredible stories I make up out of a combination of thin air, personal experience and plagiarism?

Yeah, that dream.

And it came crashing down because I must accept the fact that life is so much more colorful than anything I could make up.  Yup, life is just wayyyyyy more exciting than my stories.   Real life, especially during the runup to an election in the United States is in fact, completely surreal.

So don’t be rushin’ around to the bookstore.  You’ll be disappointed.

What was it that forced reality into my otherwise happy existence?

Naturally, it was something I read.  And while I am still drooling in shock, I am just not quite sure what it all means.  I mean, how will things turn out?  Because you see, I just read, that the women’s vote, which I’ve been counting on to get Obama over the edge, will be determined by where women are in their menstrual cycle.   I had thought that, well, thought might play a role.  But I guess not.

Apparently, it’s true.  It’s been studied!  So it must be right, right?

First of all, you won’t hear me comment on the fact that this study was conducted in Texas.  Nope.  Not one word.  Total and absolute silence on the study’s lone star status.

The study was conducted by Kristina Durante at U of T.

 

Jimmy Durante and Pumpkin

The study presented the results of an internet survey of 502 women with regular menstrual cycles and who were not using hormone-based contraceptives (the pill, the patch and the like).

The researchers found that during the fertile time of the month, when levels of the hormone estrogen are high, single women appeared more likely to vote for Obama and committed women appeared more likely to vote for Romney, by a margin of at least 20%, Durante said. This seems to be the driver behind the researchers’ overall observation that single women were inclined toward Obama and committed women leaned toward Romney.  [Yeah, that’s my emphasis. How could I let you miss that gem?]

That’s ’cause, according to Durante (Kristina not Jimmy), women are feeling sexier, which of course makes them sluttier in my mind or, in Durante’s it makes them:

“lean more toward liberal attitudes on abortion and marriage equality.”

In other important research, Durante has also studied your period’s impact on other vital decisions, like your shopping choices.

When you go to Vote,

Go feeling really slutty —

Vote a Straight Democratic Ticket!

*     *     *

I found this fascinating information on Daily Kos, where I find some of the best stuff.  They found it at CNN!  Yup, CNN, “The Most Trusted Name In News!”  For some reason, though, CNN took down the link.

But here is the link Kos provided.  Cause you really don’t want to miss this one.

You’re welcome.

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