Have you got a Nose for Gold?
Growing up at the beach, I never had much use for those little dweebes who would pan for gold in Long Island Sound. All they ever got was a plastic container of cigarette butts.
And on my one trip to California when I visited a ghost gold town, well, I was still not all that impressed. But at least they got them some gold. Some of them.
But more recently, I’m thinking that maybe I’ll try my, ummm, hand, at gold mining.
Yeah — me!
In fact, it might just be an opportunity for me to work from home. I may actually be sitting on a gold mine. Really! Who knew!
More than for personal gain, however, I will do it in the name of science. You see, scientist now think that this type of mining may just save the planet! It could reduce the need for more environmentally harmful types of mining.
Oh, I guess I forgot to explain the rest. You see, I just read that scientists are, ummm, mining for gold in unexpected places. Silver, too. And you know, they’ve found some platinum, too. A veritable jewelry store of precious metals.
Wanna know where?
In poop. People Poop.
Really! They’re finding all sorts of shit in there! I just read about it in an article entitled:
According to the article:
Every year, Americans are flushing a fortune down the toilet. Literally. More than 7 million tons of biosolids—treated sewage sludge—pass through US wastewater facilities annually. Contained within our shit are surprisingly large quantities of silver, gold, and platinum.
I am prodigious poop producer. I figure, well, I’m golden.
I’m hiring pan sterilizers if anybody is looking for a job.