Do you ever feel like another blogger has occupied your brain? Well I certainly did when I read this guest post by the brilliant List of X one of my very favorite blogging buddies. Please send him a message in the comments — a strong message!
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From the start of the Russia-Ukraine conflict, every Republican leader and right-wing pundit has criticized Barack Obama for not being tough enough on Russians. If we could interview a generic Republican leader, the interview would go something like this…
Journalist: “Generic Republican Leader, would you have a few minutes to talk about Barack Obama’s response to the crisis in Ukraine?”
Generic Republican Leader: “Yeah, sure.”
Journalist: “Do you agree with the way Obama is handling the crisis?”
Journalist: “And do what?”
GRL: “Obama needs to lead.”
Journalist: “How?”
GRL: “By being a strong and decisive leader.”
Journalist: “Which is…?”
GRL: “Which is the opposite of a weak leader like Obama.”
Journalist: “So what, do you think, is Obama’s weakness?”
GRL: “He’s not a strong leader.”
Journalist: “But what he should do to become a strong leader?”
GRL: “He should act decisively.”
Journalist: “And by ‘act” you mean…?
GRL: “Not mince words, like he does.”
Journalist: “Should military option be on the table?”
GRL: “All options should be on the table – military, diplomatic… but not vegetarian, I hate that option.”
Journalist: “Do you think it’s time for diplomacy?”
GRL: “No, it’s time to send Putin a message.”
Journalist: “But not for diplomacy?”
GRL: “No, because we’re just going to send a message, and we’re not interested in anything Putin has to say to us.”
Journalist: “So what message should Obama send to Putin?”
GRL: “It has to be strong message.”
Journalist: “About what?”
GRL: “That we’re strong and we’re not going to stand for it.”
Journalist: “And what should we do if Putin ignores our message?”
GRL: “We should act.”
Journalist: “Act how?”
GRL: “Decisively.”
Journalist: “But what should we do exactly?”
GRL: “We should put an end to Putin’s imperial ambitions.”
Journalist: “Would you oppose Obama if he proposed a military action?”
GRL: “Yes.”
Journalist: “Would you oppose Obama–
GRL: “Yes.”
Journalist: “Sorry, I haven’t actually finished the question.”
GRL: “Oh. I thought you did. What was the question?”
Journalist: “Would you oppose Obama–
GRL: “Yes. Absolutely. My answers still stands.”
Journalist: “So what do you propose?”
GRL: “We need to send him a strong message.
Journalist: “To Putin?”
GRL: “No, to Obama. What about Putin?”
Journalist: “You also wanted to send a strong message to Putin.”
GRL: “Right. Then we need to send two strong messages. Or we can just send it to Obama and copy Putin on it.”
Journalist: “Shouldn’t Obama, as president, send the message himself?”
GRL: “No, he’s too weak.”
Journalist: “But it’s just a message. Obama can just type it and press ‘Send’.”
GRL: “No, Obama needs to physically print the message and walk to the mailbox to send it. Otherwise Putin will see that Obama is too weak to even walk to a mailbox. We need the president who can not only talk the talk, but also walk the walk. We need a strong president!”
Journalist: “Do you think Putin is a strong leader?”
GRL: “Yes, definitely.”
Journalist: “So do you think Obama should be more like Putin?”
GRL: “………….Have I told you that Obamacare will kill three million jobs?”
Journalist: “Thank you for the interview. Any last words for our readers, Generic Republican Leader?”
GRL: “Yes. Vote GOP in 2014! Unlike Obama, we have a clear, strong, and decisive foreign policy!”
FiftyFourandAHalf 
List of X (and Elyse): This piece was (is) fabulous! When I watched the conservative commentators criticize the President, but had no actionable plan themselves, all I could do was scream. The most recent hit against the Prez by O’Reilly is that President Lincoln would not have been interviewed on a comedy show about healthcare (Between Two Ferns). He says it makes the President look weak and Putin is watching. Huh? The real jewel here is that we have a President with such stellar character that he doesn’t haul off and go all medieval on their behinds (yes, I am an angry black woman 🙂 ). I’ve had to stop reading much of the news because of the clear agenda of the Republicans against the President “to attack everything, attack often, attack without ceasing without having a genuine alternative.”
Love your blog by the way. Haven’t added a new blog to my follow list in a long time because I’m so overwhelmed, but I am going to make an exception for you. Thanks Elyse for the head’s up.
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Didn’t he capture it perfectly??? I think instead of turning on the news I will just do a recording of this post. Nothing needs to be added!
Glad to help you add to the must read blogs, Eleanor!
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Thank you! I saw Bill O’Reilly’s comments that Lincoln wouldn’t do an interview on a comedy show, and I agree with O’Reilly – Lincoln wouldn’t have done such an interview because TV hasn’t been invented when he was alive. (By the way, I’m always impressed that conservatives always know what exactly a certain famous but no longer living person would have done today – Lincoln, Jesus, Martin Luther King, Thomas Jefferson, Washington – and how it somehow always aligns with what these conservatives would have done).
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Conservatives have amazing vision, X. Just a-fucking-mazing.
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Are you certain this was fiction and not Faux and Friends? Gawd, I nearly peed myself. Perfect, truly perfect.
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Isn’t it? He’s good, my friend X!
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There is just one fictional part where Generic Republican doesn’t want Obama be like Putin. Because all the brand name Republicans seem to still fall head over heels over Vladimir.
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Apparently, I made the wrong assumption about GRL not comfortable with openly admiring Putin. Because former NYC mayor Rudy Guiliani still has a crush on Putin: http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/rallying-around-the-wrong-president
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I saw that. Maybe there are two GRLs and one of them is Guiliani!
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Yes, Elyse, your brain has been occupied. Obviously, by a worthy candidate with a strong platform of decisiveness.
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I am a discriminating host!
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I was going to do a post about this… the republitards are yelling that Putin is only causing trouble because the world thinks Obama is weak and has no foreign policy. Hey, Iraq invaded Kuwait while Bush was in charge… and that guy was a freakin’ nut… Do they really want us to go to war with Russia? Ask Osama Bin Ladin if Obama is weak…
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I just had X do a post for me. It worked out great!
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I saw that
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It saved me an incredible amount of work.
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I suppose so.
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Also, Russia invaded Georgia in 2008, when Dick Cheney… sorry, George W Bush was president, and it was perfectly fine with the Republicans. But it’s all so different when the president in a Democrat.
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And when the Ruskies did invade Georgia, remember how John McCain was a Georgian? He must have a drawer full of passports.
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MaCain was a Georgian? I thought he was a Panamanian.
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That too. He just aligns himself with whomever is causing or getting in trouble in the world.
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and… wait for it… African American…
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That’s right. They started acting like this with the first black president, Bill Clinton!
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They are just worse and more blatant…
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Yup.
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uh huh
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Very well done. It’s too close to reality and, so, I didn’t guffaw. Perhaps, the GRL would simply like to witness a boxing match between the two. We already know what Putin looks like with his shirt off.
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Thank you! But we should also keep in mind that Mr. GRL doesn’t actually want Obama to be a strong leader. I mean, Obama is already a tyrannical dictator ruling with an iron fist enforced with jack-booted thugs.
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It is so hard to keep the paradoxes in our politics straight, isn’t it? I mean, how can you be a weak jack-booted thug?
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For Obama, it is possible to be both weak AND strong at the same time. I think it must be some kind of a superpower.
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No wonder they fear him so …
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Pingback: 10 Ways How Barack Obama Should Get Tough On Russians | List of X
Ah X, my favorite letter and favorite funny person, bang on. But in keeping with the theme, I think Putin is secretly desirous of Mr. Obama, and Generic Republican Leader? Total voyeur. Putin. Come on out. Republicans. You too. There ain’t no judgment here.
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Putin is probably desirous of the Mr. Obama position in world rather than fancying the man himself, but I’m sure he wouldn’t like the job seeing how it comes with all this Republican baggage.
I won’t judge any of them for not coming out of the closet. It’s a tough place for gay person out there, thanks to all their valiant efforts.
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It really does feel like the GOP has no real strategy aside from “Oppose everything Obama does.”
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I can’t imagine how they are planning to run the country when Obama is gone, and there’s no one to tell them what to oppose.
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They’ll just do the opposite of whatever Hillary suggests
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Yup. Good point. If there is anybody they can hate more than Obama, it’ll be Hillary.
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Dear X,
It has been fun having you at my place, entertaining my bloggin’ buddies — who have now discovered you too. It was a crazy day and I am only now sitting down to my computer.
But you really did get inside my head when you wrote this piece. Thanks for getting the snakes out of there!
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Thank you – and I’m only just now getting to respond.
I think this was the easiest post I ever wrote, and maybe the whole reason why it was so easy to write was because I wrote it down from your head 🙂
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Sometimes it’s better that way.
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So true it hurts . . .
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Yup. Gotta get some thinking folks into Congress.
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Great post. “Would you oppose Obama-” Yes. That sums up Republican policies on everything and anything – clear, strong, and decisive about their opposition to Obama.
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I know — he nailed it in this piece, but that line is just so perfect. So much like what we all hear every f’ing day from these turkeys.
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This is beautiful. I only wish the folks who are being emulated here could read this and understand why it’s a problem, but alas . . . decisiveness of conviction is more important than clarity of action in such crowds.
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They would need to be a bit more educated and self aware. And since they eschew education and probably equate self-awareness with either gay rights or evolution, that’s not about to happen!
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Unfortunately, it is more likely that they will instead use this post as a guide to dealing with non-Fox media.
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NO! Don’t let them unplug my blog!
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This was priceless! And now I’ve found another blogger to follow. 🙂
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I know. It’s always a mixed blessing, isn’t it? But X is a blogger worthy of losing one’s job for.
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Elyse, I disagree. My blog is not worth anyone losing their job over it.
Also because I don’t want to deal with Republicans calling me a job-killer.
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Thank you, and thank you for following. I hope you won’t regret this decision 🙂
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Elyse, thank you for letting me post here and occupy your brain. I promise to end the occupation as soon as UN Security Council passes a resolution asking me to end it.
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I am relieved!
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I didn’t need my brain today, anyway. I was in a meeting!
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Yeah, this about sums it up.
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Doesn’t it? And he didn’t even need to count!
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There aren’t enough fingers to count the ways they are messed up.
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Sure you can.
The House of Representatives has 232 Republicans; The Senate has 45 seats. Therefore X=277.
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But that number doesn’t even include Todd “Rape is a gift from God” Akin, Christine “Not a witch” O’Donnell, and even Mitt “0.01%” Romney.
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There are things to be thankful for in our current politics if you look hard enough. I keep forgetting.
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I’ve been writing my blog for over 3 years, and I’m still counting.
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See? See????
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Loved this! It’s safe to say that wherever Obama lands on an issue, the GOP will be 180 degrees away from it. That’s the true constant in our current political equations.
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Yes, and we probably should stop calling Republicans “hypocrites”, because they never stray from their position of opposing Obama.
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Does that mean X=obstructionism? Sorry X …
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Well, I can be really stubborn…
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The sad thing is that almost every Republican interview I have heard sounds exactly like this! They have become caricatures of themselves.
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Maybe they are trying to put The Onion out of business.
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🙂
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Who needs satire when reality is so, ummm hilarious!
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And sad at the same time.
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Laughing and crying, you know it’s the same release.
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At first I thought this was plagiarized from Fox News.
But then I realized the journalist wasn’t fawning over the GRL.
Only met X recently, but I’m glad I did.
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Fox News is often a much better satire of themselves than I ever hope to write.
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You’re being too modest. You especially nailed this one.
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Thank you, but this is Fox News we’re talking about. Just when we think when they can’t possibly get any crazier, they go right ahead and prove us wrong.
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X always marks the spot, doesn’t he?
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