Category Archives: Humor

December 26, 2012 · 0:00

Dystexia

Like most parents, I worry.

Will my son, Jacob, succeed in life? Will he pass Spanish? Will he become a useful member of society or will he remain in the basement until he is dragged off by the Health Department?

But today I learned that I have one more worry to add to the pile. You see, now I have to analyze his text messages for clues about his health.

Shit.

Yup, it’s true. Because today in an article I found on Reuters.com, I read that there is a new malady, called “Dystexia.” It’s when a person texts back nonsense in response to a regular, ordinary question. And it can involve a trip to the emergency room.

The article linked to above, talks about a husband who realized that there was something wrong with his pregnant wife when her texts didn’t make sense. She was rushed to the hospital and they found out she had had a stroke.

Now if you have a child, aged 8 to 25, you’ve already figured out where I’m going with this.

Because personally, I think I’m going to start worrying when my son’s text messages start making sense.

Unless, of course, he wants money. Then I’ll be sure it’s him and that he’s broke in a whole different way.

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Filed under Childhood Traumas, Family, Health and Medicine, Humor

Tagged as Crazy people, Family, Health, Humor

December 23, 2012 · 0:00

This post is guaranteed to De Grump anybody.

Life With The Top Down

This time of year neighborhoods everywhere are beaming with Christmas displays, that are for the most part, entertaining for their beauty. Then there are those that provide a heavy dose of unintentional comedy. But, no one truly prepares us for those that leave us silently shaking our heads, as we ask ourselves some very pressing questions. Who came up with the idea of the hideous enormous inflatable holiday decorations that make absolutely no sense? Who are these creative geniuses that continue to test our level of Christmas tackiness?What happens behind that closed-door as the design team presents some of these brilliant ideas?

Oh how I wish I were a fly on the wall when the Santa in an Outhouseidea hit the table. Did everyone gasp at the horror or did they ponder the thought “it’s so bad it might be good” idea? Considering this exhibit of Santa’s stenchivities is resting…

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Filed under Humor

December 22, 2012 · 0:00

Bloggin’ Buddy Birthday

Rumor has it, that today is my bloggin’ buddy John Erickson’s birthday. You know John, of Commentality. Approximately 60 seconds after I first “met” John, he became the top commenter on my blog. He is interested in a million things, particularly history, space travel and sci-fi movies, TV and likely books. John is quite well versed on stuff. All kinds of stuff. He is smart, funny, and sweet. Not necessarily all at the same time though. He spreads it out.

I will admit that John’s comments don’t necessarily make sense, but they are great for your statistics. So encourage John. Really. You’ll be glad you did.

Now Ill tell you a secret. Unlike most folks approaching the half-way mark, John has been a wee bit apprehensive about this birthday, because it is a biggie. The Big 5-0.

Fifty. Yup.

To welcome John into the Old-timers Blogging Group, I will play age appropriate music:

Still, I am pretty sure that John won’t go down without a fight. Not a guy who has spent nearly 50 years studying military history. He knows the details of every battle fought between 1412 and 1945, and just exactly how to load a flintlock. Nope, John will never give up; he’ll never surrender. (He could use a Coke and a couple of Advil, though.) Here is a clip of a younger John taken from some important “Historical Documents.” Only they couldn’t get the goat in the picture.

By Grapthar’s Hammer, John, I’m wishing you the Happiest of Birthdays. And I am wishing you health, wealth and good cheer for all the years to come.

But just like me, you ARE gettin’ gross. But I’m pretty sure you can deal with it! But to soften the blow, if it’s OK with Frank of AFrankAngle I will be happy to use my newly acquired Queenly powers to knight you.

Arise, Sir John. I command you to celebrate!

* * *

Other bloggers joining the love fest: Visit these other birthday tributes: Fasab, Frank, Gaupo, Weebs, Doggy, Jamie, Brainrants, Benzeknees, Archon

List cheerfully stolen from Frank.

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Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Criminal Activity, Dogs, History, Humor, Word Press

Tagged as Crazy people, Humor

December 21, 2012 · 0:00

Angie is the voice of childhood. She remembers the details, the feelings, the sounds and the smells. Here she puts what we lost on Friday in Newtown into context. Beautifully.

Childhood Relived

The smoke twisted and turned across the sky in a fluffy white cotton candy stream. I didn’t know what it was supposed to look like – should it look like this? I looked to my teacher’s eyes and I knew – something was wrong. The Challenger was broken.

But there I sat among the neat rows of 4^th graders, in our Crayola-colored chairs, waiting for the explanation. Instead, we heard gasps on location in Florida. And we stared in silence at the television cart that only minutes before had been wheeled in for the momentous occasion.

For weeks we’d talked about the Challenger’s impending launch. Christa McAullife would be on board — a curly-haired, common school teacher whose smiling face we’d come to recognize. We’d read about her selection in our Weekly Reader and watched video of her training at Space Camp. And now she was . . …

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December 18, 2012 · 0:00

All I Want

For years they’ve irritated me. Those vile ads.

Around here where I live, there are always a bunch of shiny new cars on the road on Christmas Day. Lexuses. Mercedes. BMW.

It’s so annoying to see the conspicuous consumption. Folks who, on top of every other luxury they already have or have gotten that morning, need to have a brand, spankin’ new luxury car. Jeez.

Well, that’s how I felt until today.

Today I’ve decided to jump on the “gimme” bandwagon and demand a new car for Christmas.

Now, there are three problems with my new plan.

First, I don’t know quite how to convince my husband that I’ve changed my mind. You see for years I’ve been commenting on how disgusting, decadent and indecent it was to expect someone to buy you an expensive car like that. It’ll be tough, but I’m pretty sure I can convince John of my new found fondness for fenders. I am quite an actress, you see.

Second, I’m not sure exactly where we’re going to come up with the money. But it’s never all that tough to come up with $100 K in cool cash around the Holidays, is it? We can cash in everything for it because I’m worth it.

The third and last problem is the most difficult one.

I’m really not sure how I can drive my current car to the dealership to trade it in without John seeing the enormous dent I decorated it with this evening.

I wonder if I can trade my car in for a used AMC Gremlin. That’ll impress the neighbors.