Category Archives: Music

Who Am I?

Even before computers I found a lot to laugh at.  But since computers?  I’ve found that it’s hard to not laugh at whatever happens to appear in front of my eyes, magically, through the tubes that are the internets.

Just now, while sitting alone here at my kitchen table, sipping a cuppa, I laughed loudly enough to wake up Cooper, who is stone deaf.  Yup, it was that funny.

What was it?  What could it be?  What could make me stop writing what I was writing to share a laugh?

Well, I really don’t know how it happened.  Or I don’t know how I got to the starting gate.  You see, I was Googling pictures for a post when I suddenly found myself at Moondustwriter’s Blog.  I had never seen it before; it’s a photography blog, and the picture on this particular post was a beautiful shot of a rocky beach in the moonlight.  It looks like Maine to me, and I love Maine.  The accompanying poem was beautiful too.  But not being a poetry lover, I was quickly distracted by what I saw on the sidebar:

Can you see it there on the bottom right?  I write like Mark Twain.  Pretty cool, don’t cha think?  Of course, I wanted to know who I write like.  So I clicked on the link.

Wait, wait, come back!  Don’t you want to know what happened next?  Don’t you want to know who it is I write like?  Or like whom I write?

Well, I looked at my list of favorite blog pieces, and chose what I thought was my best:  Both Sides Now, my story about how all my family members die on holidays.  And I learned :

Wow!

Cool.  I like Kurt Vonnegut, but I never considered myself in his league, or even remotely like him.  But I’m guessing the dark humor is Vonnegut-esque.  Interesting.

But, I wondered, are all my posts so dark?  I didn’t think so, so I plugged in another piece:  Downsizing, a story of how hard it is to resist stuff.

And lo and behold, I write like Chuck Palahniuk, who I’d never heard of.  I immediately went to Amazon.com and ordered all of his books though.  That is, of course, what I want anyone who hasn’t heard of me to do when they find that they write like me.  Here’s a sample:

Look, it's even got my face on the cover!

Again, I wasn’t sure that either of these two posts really reflected just who I am.  I mean, my blog is a mish-mash of stuff.  So I tried it again.  And again.  And again.

  • I entered my About page:  David Foster Wallace (damn, more books to buy).
  • I entered Take Me Back, about how Sarah Palin thinks that President Obama wants to go back to pre-Civil War days:  H. P. Lovecraft
  • I entered Color My World, my recent piece about Redbud trees:  Margaret Atwood.  Hey, I’ve read HER!

Lastly, I entered Great Balls of Fire, my piece about my neighbor Beau who built Tara Oaks, and who, I’m sure will soon host Civil War reenactments on his meadow:  this time I was Margaret Mitchell.

Apparently I am either wildly talented or have a multiple personality disorder.

Here’s the link.  Let me know who you are!

Hey, wait, I need to keep checking the link until I find that I am, in fact, Victor Hugo.

99 Comments

Filed under Awards, Conspicuous consumption, Humor, Music, Technology

Mom’s Song

In her teens and twenties, my mom was a singer.  She had a lovely, haunting voice and great style.  By the time I came along and was growing up, Mom mostly sang while she did chores.  She always seemed to have her hands in the sink with a load of dirty dishes from our good Irish Catholic family of five.

Mom was a Connelly and her mother a Kennedy.  Yes, we’re related.  But then, Ireland is a small island; everyone is really related to everyone else.

So on St. Paddy’s day, here is the closest thing I could find to my mother singing her very favorite song.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day up there, Mom. I hope your Irish eyes are smiling and dancing up there with Dad.

Everyone else keep safe!  Me, I have dishes to do.

36 Comments

Filed under Family, Humor, Music

Speaker7, I Hear You!

I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I am slow.  So it has been many weeks since Ramblings and Rumblings’ Speaker7 “tagged” me, during which time several other folks she tagged answered her questions.  Now that no one is paying attention any more, and all the funny answers have been, well, answered, I’m going to play.  Don’t hate me just because everyone else has gone home.

First off, I need to tell you about Speaker7 who is right more often than my husband (he is always right — my advice?  Don’t marry a lawyer.)  She understands politics, politicians and turds.  What more does anyone really need to understand?  Thanks for including me on your list, Speaker7.

OK, so here are her questions to me:

1.) Which member of the Backstreet Boys are you most like?

I like the gay one:

2.) What did Bruce Jenner do to his face?

Upon realizing that he had traded in a career doing something cool to staring with the Kardashians in wasted TV airspace, Bruce Jenner’s face cracked wide open.  This crack was large enough for what remained of his brain to escape and take up residence in a less compromised skull:  Matt Lauer’s.

3.) Please explain what a Kim Kardashian is and why anyone would know what a Kim Kardashian is?

A severe lack of talented writers in Hollywood led to the current crop of celebrities who have even less talent than the writers writing about them.  The antidote is to hire us, clever bloggers who understand comedy, real life, and how nobody with a lick of sense gives a shit about reality TV.

4.) How doomed are we?

Not at all.  Because we survived and there is a T-Shirt to prove it.  All we need is $9.95 and we are invincible.

5.) Is Ryan Seacrest a robot or is he something less artificial?

A robot.

6.) Why isn’t Rush Limbaugh kicked in the nuts daily?

Because he is a coward and has no nuts.  No vagina either.  He is an alien.  A zombie.  A plague on humanity.  A soon to be four-times divorced roll [sic] model with a drug problem and vanishing sponsors.

7.) Which religion is correct?

Mine.  And I’ll kill you to prove it.  Or maybe I’ll just revoke all your rights.  And mess around in your girlie/boyie parts.

8.) Can you think of someone who is worse than the current slate of Republican presidential candidates?

Sarah Palin would be even worse.  Funnier, but way worse.

9.) Why do people enjoy the book Twilight?

People who did not grow up on Dark Shadows enjoy Twilight. They enjoy seeing the movie because they want to see Cedric Diggory come back to life so Voldemort will lose.  Oh, yeah, he does.

10.) What’s up?

Playing tag again.  What’s up with you?

11.) How many Academy Awards will Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance win?

Why, oh why, do they keep making such stupid movies?  And why does Nick Cage keep doing stupid shit?  I know he needs money, but perhaps we can pay him to stop.

My questions:

  1. It’s been a busy week.  You have 155 blogs to read and comment on tonight.  Do you:
    1. Read the new ones first
    2. Read the old ones first
    3. Pick out your favs
    4. Delete them all and hope you do a better job next week
  2. Beatles or the Stones?
  3. Favorite vacation ever.
  4. When you hit the “Like” button on a blog post, which posts does Word Press say are your ‘great posts worth seeing?  Do you agree that those are your best?
  5. All-time favorite commercial
  6. Favorite stupid comment about contraceptives
  7. Things you’d rather do than watch college basketball.
  8. Most embarrassing experience
  9. THE word you simply cannot spell correctly and why we should change to your version.
  10. Your special punishment for the lame-ass individual who came up with “REALITY TV.”
  11. If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?

Now, I’m not going to tag anyone, but I am going to list some folks here for you all to check out if you don’t already know them.  These are mostly old blogging buddies.  I’ll do another list of newer ones, too.

A Frank Angle

Articles of Absurdity

Ashley Jillian

Aurora Morealis

Becoming Cliche

Before Morning Breaks

Being Arindam

Best Bathroom Books

Big Sheep Communications

Childhood Relived

DiatribesAndOvations

El Guapo

Emjayandthem

Georgette Sullins’s Blog

Good Humored

Higher and Higher

How The Hell Did I End Up Here

If I Were Brave

I’m a Blind Dog

I’ve become my parents

Jumping in Mud Puddles

life is a bowl of kibble

Lorna’s Voice

Magsx2’s Blog

Miss Demure Restraint

MJ Monaghan

Momshieb

Mostly Bright Ideas

notquiteold

Otto von Munchow

Peg-O-Leg’s Ramblings

Positive Parental Participation

Post it Notes from my Idiot Boss

Prairie Wisdom

psychodynamom

QBG_Tilted Tiara

Ramblngs and Rumblings

Sandy like a Beach

She’s a Maineiac

Sleep deprived and insane

Stuph Blog

Sunny Side Up

Susan Writes Precise

The Big Sheep Blog

The Bryonic Man

The Bucket

The Good Greatsby

This man’s journey

Totsymae.com

Truth About Mornings

Undercover Surfer

Unlikely Explanations

Word Play

Winsomebella

Wrapcloth Writings

Writingfeemail’s Blog

Write from the Heart

Year-Struck

You guys go ahead and play without me.  I’m pooped.

49 Comments

Filed under Awards, Childhood Traumas, Climate Change, Humor, Music, Stupidity

My biggest fear

It’s happened in the wake of the tragic death of singer Whitney Houston.  Or maybe it happened in the wake of CNN’s 4-day, 24-hour per day marathon coverage of her funeral which included an estimated 5,392,911 renditions of Whitney singing “I Will Always Love You.”  Whichever it was, I was delighted to see that our society has truly stepped up to the plate.  We are, thanks to Whitney, tackling the demons in our midst.

Starting with the one that has been keeping me up nights for years:

Can you really be addicted to lip balm?

Lip balm, no matter what they say about you, I will always love you.

58 Comments

Filed under Family, Humor, Hypocrisy, Music, Science, Stupidity

Desperado

My husband doesn’t know it yet, but by the end of this three-day weekend, he will divorce me.  We’ve been married 25-1/2 years.  But they will be down the tubes in just a few days.

It’s sad.  And it all came about perfectly innocently.  Really.

It was a lovely morning, and today as I drove in to work, I was singing along with the radio when the song came on.  Desperado, as sung by Linda Ronstadt (not the lesser version done by the Eagles).

It just happened; I couldn’t control myself.  It tried, but really, I couldn’t help myself.  I sang with abandon.  With joy.  With knowledge aforethought.

Now, I need to tell you that my soon to be ex-husband is handicapped.  We have managed to make a good life together despite this, umm, problem.  But it can’t continue.

You see, my husband hears everything.  He cannot tune anything out.  Not music, not voices, not machinery.  I’ve never known anyone else with this particular disability.  Whenever a neighbor starts a leaf or snow blower, a power tool, anything, he hears it and is frustrated.  When a song he dislikes comes on the radio, when a commercial jingle plays, he hits the mute button faster than a Jeopardy contestant gets the buzzer.  John will scream and dive across the room to turn that damn thing off.

Poor John.  He’s never found my mute button.

And that, of course is the problem.

You see, I sing.  Now, and for the last 25-1/2 years, I have looked over my shoulder before belting out a tune.  I try to be considerate.  And usually that works out OK for both of us.

Now, you should know that I can sing.  Really!  Years of chorus and choir, voice lessons, starring roles in musical comedies written by unknowns who, tragically, went on to other careers.  I am even a critically acclaimed singer, with the reviews to prove it.  Bronzed.  One reviewer went so far as to say that I was stylish, although I am pretty sure that he was trying to get into my pants when he wrote the review.  Of course, the evidence is circumstantial, based only on the reviewer’s verbal comments to me.  Still, I’m sure his judgment wasn’t impaired.  Extra blood is known to increase musical appreciation in men.  Do I need to produce the medical studies?

Now I have a handicap, too.  Unlike my husband, I can tune out anything.  Including my own singing.  While I’m doing it.  I often just don’t notice I’m doing it.

John can deal with my singing sometimes; sometimes I just keep quiet.  It’s worked.

Except for one song.  Desperado, as sung by Linda Ronstadt (not the lesser version done by the Eagles).  You see, it gets stuck in my head.  And not even the whole song.  Just one verse:

Desperado

Why don’t you come to your senses,

you been out ridin’ fences for so long, now.

Oh, you’re a hard one

But I know that you’ve got your reasons

These things that are pleasing you

Will hurt you some how

 That’s all I can ever remember.  And that, of course, is the problem.

“Lease, you’re doing it again. Those same lines — from the middle of the song.”

“Yeah, but they’re the best lines,” I respond.  (John is never amused by that line, no matter how many times I’ve used it.  Or how cute I look while saying it.  Silence and pursed lips follow. )

This morning, when the song came on the radio, I forgot.  I forgot that I cannot ever listen to that song again.  I forgot that hearing it, even once, will result in divorce.  I forgot that it might lead to a serious change in my life.

I didn’t change the channel.  I didn’t turn off the radio.  I did not drive into a tree or a ditch or another car simply to keep myself from hearing my beloved song – the one that my husband hates above all others.

Nope, I belted it out with abandon.

And it’s still there in my head.  It wants to come out.  In fact, it will come out.  Sigh.  And I know that my marriage simply cannot stand even one rendition.  Sigh. Oh well.  What’s 25-1/2 years anyway.

Mrs. Sparkly. Or should it be Ms.?

So it is a damn good thing that Janice at AuroraMorealist gave me the Mrs. Sparkly Award.  Because I’m going to need to supplement my income with some singing.

Thanks Janice!  For anyone who is unfamiliar with Janice’s blog, check it out.  She has heart and talent and gives love with every post.

72 Comments

Filed under Awards, Driving, Family, Humor, Music