I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I am slow. So it has been many weeks since Ramblings and Rumblings’ Speaker7 “tagged” me, during which time several other folks she tagged answered her questions. Now that no one is paying attention any more, and all the funny answers have been, well, answered, I’m going to play. Don’t hate me just because everyone else has gone home.
First off, I need to tell you about Speaker7 who is right more often than my husband (he is always right — my advice? Don’t marry a lawyer.) She understands politics, politicians and turds. What more does anyone really need to understand? Thanks for including me on your list, Speaker7.
OK, so here are her questions to me:
1.) Which member of the Backstreet Boys are you most like?
I like the gay one:
2.) What did Bruce Jenner do to his face?
Upon realizing that he had traded in a career doing something cool to staring with the Kardashians in wasted TV airspace, Bruce Jenner’s face cracked wide open. This crack was large enough for what remained of his brain to escape and take up residence in a less compromised skull: Matt Lauer’s.
3.) Please explain what a Kim Kardashian is and why anyone would know what a Kim Kardashian is?
A severe lack of talented writers in Hollywood led to the current crop of celebrities who have even less talent than the writers writing about them. The antidote is to hire us, clever bloggers who understand comedy, real life, and how nobody with a lick of sense gives a shit about reality TV.
4.) How doomed are we?
Not at all. Because we survived and there is a T-Shirt to prove it. All we need is $9.95 and we are invincible.
5.) Is Ryan Seacrest a robot or is he something less artificial?
A robot.
6.) Why isn’t Rush Limbaugh kicked in the nuts daily?
Because he is a coward and has no nuts. No vagina either. He is an alien. A zombie. A plague on humanity. A soon to be four-times divorced roll [sic] model with a drug problem and vanishing sponsors.
7.) Which religion is correct?
Mine. And I’ll kill you to prove it. Or maybe I’ll just revoke all your rights. And mess around in your girlie/boyie parts.
8.) Can you think of someone who is worse than the current slate of Republican presidential candidates?
Sarah Palin would be even worse. Funnier, but way worse.
9.) Why do people enjoy the book Twilight?
People who did not grow up on Dark Shadows enjoy Twilight. They enjoy seeing the movie because they want to see Cedric Diggory come back to life so Voldemort will lose. Oh, yeah, he does.
10.) What’s up?
Playing tag again. What’s up with you?
11.) How many Academy Awards will Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance win?
Why, oh why, do they keep making such stupid movies? And why does Nick Cage keep doing stupid shit? I know he needs money, but perhaps we can pay him to stop.
My questions:
- It’s been a busy week. You have 155 blogs to read and comment on tonight. Do you:
- Read the new ones first
- Read the old ones first
- Pick out your favs
- Delete them all and hope you do a better job next week
- Beatles or the Stones?
- Favorite vacation ever.
- When you hit the “Like” button on a blog post, which posts does Word Press say are your ‘great posts worth seeing? Do you agree that those are your best?
- All-time favorite commercial
- Favorite stupid comment about contraceptives
- Things you’d rather do than watch college basketball.
- Most embarrassing experience
- THE word you simply cannot spell correctly and why we should change to your version.
- Your special punishment for the lame-ass individual who came up with “REALITY TV.”
- If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
Now, I’m not going to tag anyone, but I am going to list some folks here for you all to check out if you don’t already know them. These are mostly old blogging buddies. I’ll do another list of newer ones, too.
How The Hell Did I End Up Here
Positive Parental Participation
Post it Notes from my Idiot Boss
You guys go ahead and play without me. I’m pooped.
FiftyFourandAHalf 
Your answers are witty and wonderful; your questions are delightful. I know how much work it takes to provide that many links in one post. No wonder you’re pooped.
If I wasn’t so busy, I give it a go. Maybe I’ll save this and wait until I really want a reason to procrastinate on my book and answer your questions. I was never great a the real tag (too slow and no nearly dodgy enough); maybe I’d be better at this version… 🙂
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Thanks, Lorna. These are fun posts to write; I did mine in bits because it is time consuming. But a couple of other people have done lists of blogs and it’s nice to be mentioned and to find other folks.
But no pressure!
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Well played, Elyse! You put so many of my own Speaker7 answers to shame. #4 and #7 rocked my world!
1. Since I’m in that position right now, I’d say option 4 is looking pretty good.
2. Beatles. No contest.
3. Santa Barbara, CA. Every visit there is the Best Vacation Ever.
4. Do explain this to me. What? Another WordPress feature I’m too inept to understand? Get outta town.
5. Mikey/Life Cereal
6. God hates you.
7. Cleaning out my lint brush.
8. Every public speaking encounter I’ve ever survived.
9. anoynomous (sic)
10. That they live out The Truman Show for all of eternity.
11. Men give birth.
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Glad you enjoyed my answer, but I think my answers that you liked best mean you will be joining me in hell. What a time we’ll have! Thanks for playing along. And I can’t believe you didn’t vote for world peace.
In case you don’t know which posts WP picks as your best (I don’t know what they say about me, either), here they are:
Cabbage Patch Dreams
Who Loves The Family Circus? “Not Me.”
Intern for Hire!
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Hmmmm. I’m guessing it picks them based on hits. Those top two posts are ones I get a zillion hits on a day, purely from google search referrals (i.e. probably not people who actually read the posts) and the last one is my most recent. There must be some type of formula there. What are yours?
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I don’t have any idea. And since no one ever hits on posts and I have 0 search terms, I’m guessing that either WP randomly picks or it just hates me!
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Thanks for the shout-out!
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Any time!
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Thanks for the mention. The answer to every question is always:
The Beatles
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You’re right. I love the Beatles; I like the Stones. There is a difference!
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Thanks for your answers, Paprika. Good ones. Especially Switzerland. I was lucky enough to actually live there for 5 years — and my heart sang every time I looked out at the mountains.
And you get the award for funniest embarrassing thing — but, as a person who embarrasses herself with some regularity, I think these are the things that perfect our sense of humor and make sharing it so much more fun.
Thanks for playing, Paprika!
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Thanks for the shout out, Elyse. Here are my answers.
1. read as many of the blog backup as I can; delete the rest; then feel guilty
2. Beattles
3. It’s a tie between Hawaii and Swtizerland
4. I have no idea which posts pop up when I press the like button. Since all of my posts are winners, does it really matter?
5. I love the Allstate commercials with Mayhem, but I’m a sucker for the Fancy Feast commercial series where the guy proposes with a kitten and then the cat is at the wedding. (I know. I’m a sap.)
6. There are too many to pick from and they all infuriate me.
7. I’m hard pressed to think of something I enjoy less than watching basketball. I haven’t had a colonoscopy yet, but the prep for that seems to be more unpleasant than suffering through a basketball game.
8. There are so many embarassing moments in my life to choose from, but falling into a deep hole on the football field during HS graduation is up there in my top 10 most embarassing moments.
9. I can never remember how to spell Carribean. (It’s probably spelled wrong in this response.) Is it two r’s and two b’s or one of each? Who knows?
10. The person who invented reality TV should have to participate on Survivor with the most obnoxious reality TV “stars” as tribe mates.
11. If I could change one thing in the world it would be 3 day weekends every week. If that’s too tall an order than I guess world peace would do.
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Some of your answers had my laughing so hard I was in tears. Thank you for the shout out.
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Thanks Valentine! And I enjoy reading your blog, too.
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Hehe if Ryan Seacrest is a robot then he is a very well-groomed one at that!
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I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a messy robot, personally. They all seem quite tidy. So I’m still correct. He’s a robot!
Thanks for stopping by, Christy!
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Your blog is well worth mentioning — fabulous writing, incredible art and your humor. Oh, you are so funny.
I wish I could explain Seacrest to you. But I can’t explain why people watch stupid stuff. Hell, I can’t even explain why I used to watch the Newlywed game and the Dating Game when I was in my teens. Sometimes, the box is just ON…
I really wish that Twilight was the same as the Twilight Zone. The world would be better. Of course, if it were all Hitchcock, well what a wonderful world this would be!
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Thanks for the shout out.
I see your quick wit even more. What’s the deal with the Seacrest guy? Is he too plastic? I don’t much remember watching Twilight Zone but Alfred Hitchcock, yes.
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Whoah!! Surprised and so excited to see myself here! Off to my own blog to answer these oh-so-tricky questions and find some of my own! Cool!
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Have a great time doing it — I did!
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Oh, so much to comment on here. First, thank you for mentioning me. It is always nice to be appreciated. Moving on to the questions, I have to thank you for explaining Rush Limbaugh. I’d been wondering which planet he was from. Loved the rest of your answers as well. It is tough to get behind on blogs, but sometimes life intervenes and I believe we’ve all been there. Read the new ones and only go back if time allows. As for Twilight, which would you rather watch – another round of primary debates that seems to be retrieved from the sixties or vampires and wolves? Oh wait – was that redundant? Twilight is the one with the make-believe vampires and wolves. Yikes!
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Glad to mention you and your blog, Renee. There are lots of reasons, but your post on Venice still makes me smile (http://writingfeemail.wordpress.com/2012/02/16/why-i-love-venice-italy/).
And your answer to the Twilight saga is brilliant. Just brilliant.
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Fantastic game of tag and great answers…but I’m on my iPad and typing just one sentence takes me an eternity so I will pass for now. (and no vlogs in the future) I have to thank you for explaining to me what was living inside of Matt Lauer’s skull though…I kinda suspected as much.
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There really isn’t much inside Matt’s skull. He is a nincompoop. The male equivalent of Sarah Palin, if you ask me.
Sorry about your iPad. I am learning that I don’t want one from you. Thank you. Should we split the $500 I’m saving?
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You play a great game of tag. Thanks for participating.
6. Favorite stupid thing said about the slutty women who insist upon controlling the number of children they have is this: Some Arizona state rep.–a lady of the non-slut variety–is pushing a law that will allow employers to deny women birth control coverage if they want the coverage for birth control purposes. If they need it for other health issues, they have to prove it to their employer because after all, “This isn’t the Soviet Union.”
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I’m so glad that this is not the Soviet Union, Speaker7, and I bet you are too. Because I just don’t think they have quite enough aspirin available to women in that country that no longer exists. It is so hard to keep up with current affairs from the late 1980’s, isn’t it?
Thanks for the fun of these questions, S7. They were great fun. And I LOVE your post. And I think that Matt Laur is the male equivalent of BabaWawa, who, in my opinion, really is responsible for the crappy standards of our news coverage. Harry Reasoner was right (and I am very old because I can remember when Baba got the co-anchorship with Harry Reasoner).
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Ahhh…you made my Friday afternoon. Thanks for the fun.
1. Read the new ones first and maybe delete the old.
2. Beatles
3. Mexico
4. Disagree
5. the Clydesdale salute to the fallen of 911
6. Birth control is harmful to women and society and it’s “not a healthy thing for our country.” RS
7. Watch HGTV
8. Mistaking another man for my husband…in broad daylight
9. Cincinatti, Cincinnati…What is it? I alternate spellings.
10. Go back to kindergarten to learn “All I need to know I learned in kindergarten”
11. The advent of atti-tuuuuud….the word is attitude…as in have a good attitude. Maybe that should be #9
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Georgette, glad you had fun with this post. I did too.
I remember the post you wrote about mistaking a stranger for your husband. Very funny! I don’t know what I’d laugh at if I didn’t do so many embarrasing things. And that’s the word I can’t spell. One “r” or two; one “s” or to. Oy.
Georgette, you were one of my very first followers, so you have a very special spot in my heart. And not merely because you let me laugh at you while you laugh at me!
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haha early on I remember your French method for ridding us of our skunk…”now there’s the voice of life experiences yet to be written” I thought.
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How can you not think Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance will be a sublime work of art? I mean, the preview features Cage urinating a stream of fire! Claaassy.
And thanks for the mention!
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Glad to mention you, Byronic. I am a big fan of your show, actually.
I’m afraid I didn’t actually know about the urinating scene in that particular movie. Can you tell me what happens when he poops?
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I should never have a full bladder when I read your posts!
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Is a warning necessary???? Oh dear, how to phrase it!
Thanks Michelle!
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Another Fun post! It’s a privilege to be included on your list! Here are my answers …
1 – I always read the old ones first.
2 – Beatles
3 – Portland, Maine
4 – Disagree
5 – Kia Soul Hamster Commercial (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEM-iasPqI8)
6 – “It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.” – The Laughable Rick Santorum
7 – Eat glass
8 – Far too many from which to choose.
9 – Hopsital
10 – 100 days in the Big Brother house with Snookie and the Kardashians
11 – Pollution
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Great answers!
I’m a big fan of Maine, too. We go up every summer. That’s where my header picture was taken. Lovely, lovely place.
Love your hampster commercial, too. And, actually all commercials with cute little animals. (My favorite is the Sprint ad with the Dachshunds:
Thanks for your answers!
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You know that the film, Dark Shadows, with Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins is due out in May? I’ve seen the trailer…it’s more camp-spoof than recreation of the original….
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I’ve heard about that movie. I loved the show for a while (although I tired of it, eventually). But I’m not a big fan of Johnny Depp (oh, I’ll be getting the hate mail for that one). So we’ll see. I hate seeing that handsome Cedric all pasty and dead looking, though!
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Great answers Elyse!
But I still have no idea what the hell a Kardashian is. And that’s fine with me.
Also, thanks for the shout out, and here are your answers:
1 – 1 – 4, depending on the day.
2 – Traveling Wilburys (first album lineup)
3 – Turks and Caicos. Because I almost caught a helicopter ride south from there, and would never have come back.
4 – All my posts are fantastic.
5 – You’ve got me there…
6 – Not about contraceptives, but a suggestion to stop moron public figures from making stupid comments about contraceptives: “They should hold an aspirin between their lips.”
7 – Get my feet scraped. Or anything really…
8 – Oh sure, let me advertise that on a blog…
9 – Hah, most of them. You’d need to re-write the dictionary!
10 – Lock them in a room with several attention starved Kardashians. Or force their kids to get all their education from reality tv.
11 – World peace. Really. Oh, and make space travel affordable.
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The problem with giving folks a numbered list is that they answer the numbered questions and I don’t remember them. Oh well.
You are undoubtedly a happy man not knowing the Kardashians. I don’t understand the fuss or the celebrities who are celebrities because they are celebrities. Boggles the mind.
Love the Wilburies too.
And yes, world peace would be fab. Beeming from place to place would be too. World peace first, then the rest of Star Trek technologies.
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Your wisdom leads me to the conclusion that YOU should run for office – pick an office, any office — think of the fun you’d have.
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Thanks, Lisa, but I’ll pass. The reason we have so many nincompoops running is because to run destroys you — imagine the pressure to be perfect. FDR and Kennedy could not be president under these circumstances. And, to quote Senator and VP-candidate Lloyd Bentsen, I am no Jack Kennedy!
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Hi,
Congrats on the award and good answers as well, I particularly like the “I Survived the Rapture”, brilliant. 😀
Thank You very much for the mention of my blog as well.
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Thanks Mags. I was thinking of you while writing this because you’re such a faithful reader and I keep writing about US politics these days. We both needed a break.
And I love your blog. It’s so much fun and so upbeat!
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Lazy wimmin are sexy…..or should I say “slow” women….
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Well, my mind is quick. That’ll have to do for this life!
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That’ll do Ms. Elyse….That’ll do.
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You keep going into spam — I don’t know if it is happening to your comments elsewhere.
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Yes…all but about 5 of the 100 or so blogs I follow go straight into spam. I am a big ole square can of pork by-products,
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Perhaps vegetarianism is the way to go. Or you can say you’re vegan.
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