Death | FiftyFourandAHalf

Category Archives: Death

September 25, 2023 · 0:00

AWOL

Crap.

I owe you an explanation. You, who may vaguely remember me. It’s been a while.

In fact, I’ve been working on my explanation for ages. Because I disappeared. Vanished from the ‘sphere. Went blogger-AWOL.

But honestly, I get bummed out every time I start telling you what happened. That is poison for a humor blogger and storyteller.

So I haven’t told the story here. I hope this time is a bit different. That I can tell the story. That I can get it out, so the Ziggy cloud over my head becomes more identifiable. More understandable. Well, I am going to try.

You see, I lost my straight man. My partner. My best friend. My personal Google. My husband, John.

And can I just tell you that I’m pissed? I was supposed to die first. After all, if you remember me, I’ve been sick all my life. Since I was about 15! I’m not going to set any longevity records.

John? Healthy as a horse. Ate well, exercised, timed himself brushing his teeth. Until he wasn’t. Suddenly, in the spring/summer of 2019, John was diagnosed with cancer. And not one of the good kinds (as if there are any good cancers). A cancer with poor treatment options and poorer outcomes.

Pancreatic cancer is evil. And relatively quick.

So my wonderful husband passed away last summer.

https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/washingtonpost/name/john-kingery-obituary?id=36024672

Jacob and I held a wonderful send-off for him last fall. We held it at a favorite Pizza/Brew Pub, with music provided by a Scottish duo – bagpipes, fiddles, guitar. A great group of folks came from all over the country and even from Europe: family, friends of ours from all times of our lives, colleagues. It was a party that even my introverted husband would have loved. I wish he’d been there in more than just spirit.

Jacob and I spread John’s ashes in the Cove in Maine.

That night we looked out over the Cove shimmering in the moonlight.

“I can just see your dad kayaking out there,” I said to Jacob.

“Mom,” responded Jacob, “I’m pretty sure he’s body surfing.”

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Filed under Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Cancer, Death, Health, Holy Shit, Illness, Missing Folks, Oh shit, Sad News, Shit, Shit happens

Tagged as Bad days, Family

August 28, 2018 · 0:00

Do Me A Favor?

“Lease,” said my parents, or my older siblings, “would you do me a favor?”

Mostly I did it, whatever “it” was. Or my brother, Fred, did it. We were the youngest, and were the runners, who went to get a Coke, or a pretzel, or a snack for our older family members. Even now, we’re still doing favors.

But there was one “favor” that none of my siblings did for Fred and me. But they should have.

You know if you’ve been reading my blogs, that my eldest brother Bob recently died. He didn’t do this favor for me. Neither did my sister Beth, who died in 2009. Nor did Judy, who kicked the bucket unexpectedly in 2000. Nobody knows when they’re going.

DO YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS A FAVOR.

MAKE A WILL. MAKE A LIVING WILL AND A MEDICAL DIRECTIVE.

TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT DONE WITH YOUR REMAINS. WITH YOUR STUFF.

My brother Bob died without a will. Actually, he DID have a will, and a Power of Attorney — we found that he’d bought forms to be filled out, but they were still in the shrink-wrap. I wanted to kill him. Without letting anybody know IN WRITING, what he wanted done with what, it was all guesswork.

Yes, when he was deathly ill, I had to trust my wonky memory of random conversations of what he would want. I hope I remembered correctly, given that he died and I can’t change any of those decisions. What did he want done regarding “heroic” measures by the doctors? What should we do with his remains — burial? cremating? And then what to do with those remains …

Did we do what he’d want? I hope so. We certainly tried.

Do yourself and your family members a favor. Or maybe a few favors:

Make a will, even a simple one. Let someone know where you keep it!
Do a living will, so that your wishes will be followed — and make sure family members know where it is.
Talk about what you want to do with your remains. Burial? Where? Cremation? Where do you want those ashes to end up?

We took Bob to see one last sunset, before releasing him into the Gulf of Mexico. I hope he is happy and resting in peace.

Bob in Adirondack chairs