Category Archives: Family

People My Age

Well, it’s my birthday.  And I have a problem.

You might have noticed it yourself.  You may even have asked me about it.  Or wondered in stoic silence.   “Whatever will she do?” you asked yourself.  I am sure it has been weighing on you — heavily.  As well it should.

“FiftyFourAndAHalf,” that’s the problem.  It’s right up there at the top of the page.  Yup, the blog’s name.   I called it that in a fit of pique at the GOP who were going to take Medicare away from everyone under 55.  Starting with me.  It seemed grossly unfair when I was younger.  Like, you know, six months ago.

But, ummmm.  I’m not FiftyFourAndAHalf anymore.  I’m not even FiftyFourAndThreeQuarters, either — the name my son, Jacob, has been calling me.   Because my 55th birthday is here.  I tried to stop it, but, well, I failed.  My bad.

I didn’t know what to do.  I thought of taking a poll:

 

 

I must admit I was afraid of your answers.  More importantly, I was afraid that I had more poll questions than readers.

But then I saw this:

John Gorka, singing “People My Age”

It helped me make my decision.  It stiffened my resolve.  I wish I had thought of it sooner.  Like 20 years ago.  But back then, I didn’t know that people my age had started looking gross.

So I’m not going on to FiftyFive.  I don’t want to be my age, because people my age have started looking gross. 

I’m sticking with FiftyFourAndAHalf.

Man! I look better already.

107 Comments

Filed under Childhood Traumas, Climate Change, Elections, Family, Humor, Music, Science, Stupidity

Connections

My sisters and I never saw eye to eye; rather we heard heart to heart through our telephone receivers.  We lived a good distance away for most of our lives.  And so our connections, close as they were, were nearly always via long distance calls.

The ear pieces on the phone grew increasingly warm and comforting with each laugh, each tease and each word we spoke.  We spent hours on the phone, twisting the curly, stretched cord around our body parts, spilling out our hearts and our triumphs and our woes.  But there is no record, no evidence, and sadly fewer clear recollections.

So I made up some memories.

*     *     *

I began to question the wisdom of this trip as soon as the line went dead.

The call Thursday night was unexpected.  Sam and Dave – customers from the burger joint I’d worked in back home — had tracked me down in Boston.  I’d left home six months earlier, and was surprised that the guys had found me.  They had said they were in Boston often and promised to look me up – but so had a lot of people.

Six months away from home hadn’t been nearly as fun as I expected my “coming of age” to be.   I hesitated to admit that I was lonely and would love some company.  But I hadn’t even thought about Sam and Dave – forgotten them, in fact.  Well, I barely knew them to begin with.  Sam was tall, blond, nice smile.  A well done hamburger with fries; Dave was shorter with shaggy brown hair that he often pulled back.  He liked his cheeseburger rare with onion rings.  Both drank Coke.  One of them drove my favorite car, a 1974 Datsun 240Z.  Blue.

“Great, we’ll pick you up Saturday at 10,” one of them said.  Was it Dave?  He and Sam were on separate extensions and kept finishing each other’s sentences like an old married couple.

“Yeah, Steve gave us the address along with your number.   See you Saturday!” said the other – Sam, I guessed.  And then they hung up.

They didn’t leave a number so I couldn’t call them back.  For that matter, they didn’t leave their last names.  First names, a car (cool as it was) and burger preferences.  That was all I knew.  Yet I had just agreed to spend the weekend with them at the Cape.

At only 19, I hadn’t done too many stupid things with guys yet.  So I called my older sister, Judy, 24, who had.

“This is ridiculous,” I told Judy, pacing back and forth across my tiny apartment like a bobcat in the zoo. “I can’t possibly go.  I don’t know who they are.  And I can’t possibly call them back – they didn’t leave their number.  They didn’t leave their last names.  They didn’t even tell me where I just agreed to go.   God, this has all the makings of a Hitchcock picture.”

“Are you Tippi Hedren or Janet Leigh?”  Jude roared at her own joke.  “You’ve known these two cute guys for three years and never went out with them?  Either of them?  Or both of them – together?” she teased.  “God you’re boring.  You’d be Doris Day in a Hitchcock movie.”

“I’m just going to have to talk to them when they get here on Saturday.”

“Ok,” said Jude, swallowing her laugh. “You’ll talk to them on Saturday.  Good plan,” she burst out again, “especially because you can’t talk with them before that because you didn’t get their number,” she said, gasping for breath.

I began to relax.  Somehow, when I told my troubles to Judy, they stopped being problems and became situation comedy.

“You’re a huge help.  I’ll call you back next time I need abuse.”

“Anytime,” Judy said, hanging up.

I spent Friday at work bouncing between laughing and worrying.  I didn’t pack.  Of course I wouldn’t go with them – I didn’t even know their last names!

At 10 am Saturday the doorbell rang.  “Shit.”

“We’re here,” Dave or Sam said through the intercom system.  Another reason not to go – I couldn’t keep them straight.  I buzzed them in, and took a deep breath.  I still didn’t know what to do.

Did it take an hour for them to climb the two flights or were they upstairs in a flash?  Suddenly I felt queasy.  “Oh God,” I thought as I shut the bathroom door, “what would Judy do?”  I sat on the toilet for the longest time, trying not to panic.  At last, I smiled, shrugged and said “oh, what the hell.”  I walked back into the main room and said “I’m not quite done packing, but I’ll be just a minute.”

I threw a bathing suit, a change of clothes, and a couple of other things in a backpack.  “There’s just one thing,” I said, smiling at my dates,  “I’d love to drive the Z.”

*     *     *

Me, Judy, and Beth, a while ago

49 Comments

Filed under Driving, Family, Humor, Stupidity

Word Press, I don’t “LIKE” this!

It happened again today.  I’m sure it’s happened to you, too.  Repeatedly.  And Word Press, you need to do something about it — right away!

What happened was this:  I was taking a nano-break at work, reading a post by Year-Struck that I did not “LIKE.”  Oh it was good.  Beautiful in fact, well written, and heart breaking.  But no, I didn’t “LIKE” it in the Word Press sort of way.

What do you do then, when a piece is sad and beautiful and makes you want to make the writer feel better for getting it off their chest, for sharing, for, well, giving their story? Me,  I stress out completely.  And I don’t “LIKE” it.

I have puzzled about this before.  When I first started blogging, I would read another’s blog and hit “LIKE” and then leave a lame comment saying,

“Well, I didn’t really‘LIKE’ it, but I clicked “LIKE” because, well, I needed to do something.  But I really am sorry that you were hit on the head by a meteorite…” And I’d trail off.  I’d feel inadequate.  As if there was something else I could have done.

You know, Word Press, sometimes I just don’t want to tell somebody who has told me deep, dark stuff through their blog that I “LIKE” it.  It doesn’t make sense.  It is illogical.  It is an oxy-moron to “LIKE” something “UN-LIKE-able.”  Because the post was bad.  Or sad.  Or hard.

And sometimes, Word Press, I just don’t have time to write what I mean to say in a clever manner when:

  • A blogger just told me the worst thing that has ever happened in their life and they still have the scars to prove it (hey, “LIKE” it!);
  • A blogger just told me that they have a terminal disease and they will die a horrible death, soon, but that I shouldn’t worry — other bloggers will survive (hey, “LIKE” it!);
  • My head has just exploded from the stress of not wanting to press “LIKE” but having no alternative.

Really, truly, I want to scream,

 All right, I “LIKE” it!

But I don’t.  “LIKE” it, that is.  I want something else.

So for the months I’ve been blogging, I’ve puzzled.  I’ve noodled.  I’ve even gone so far as to put on my thinking cap.  And you know things are pretty serious when that happens.

My first choice for an alternative was

S*cks!

But then I thought of my audience.  We are all basically insecure writers.  And I don’t think that everyone will TAKE that moniker in the manner I’m suggesting. Then again, some folks won’t USE this button in an empathetic manner.  But that’s, of course, highly unlikely.  We are all sweet and kind here in the ‘sphere.

Besides,  I also realized that if I continue using naughty language on my blog, my dream of one day being Fresh Pressed will go down in a blaze of language my mother wouldn’t “LIKE.”

I continued to puzzle till my puzzler was sore.  Until I thought of another option:

Sending Kisses to you!

Doesn’t that just make you feel good all over?  But then, some of us are married and our spouses wouldn’t approve even of cyber kisses.  So that won’t work.

What is a blogger to do????? 

Word Press, we need an alternative.

May I humbly suggest you create the following alternative to the “LIKE” button:

The 54-1/2 Button

Click on it when your heart goes out to the blogger, when you think that their writing is strong and powerful but tells a story that is not necessarily fun or funny and you don’t “LIKE” them being in pain.  Click on it when you think that a lovely photo of the shore will ease their pain.

Or click on it when you just want to confuse folks because they will have no clue what it means.  I “LIKE” doing that.

75 Comments

Filed under Family, Humor, Stupidity, Word Press

Bees and other stings

Yesterday, I read on my office building’s  elevator computer screen that someone had smuggled bees onto an airplane. The bees escaped and stung several people before brave airline personnel managed to capture and/or kill them.

I got nervous.   After all, I was in an enclosed elevator, and people around me were carrying stuff.

“Whoa!” You say, “Your elevator has a computer screen?!”

Yes, but I can’t check my stats there.  So don’t hate me.

But the news that someone had gotten bees onboard an airplane made me look around at the folks riding up with me in the elevator with greater concern.  That man over there with the regular-sized briefcase looked “bee-free,” but what about the guy with the big square briefcase?  He could have a whole hive squirreled away in there and I wouldn’t know.

The third and last person on the elevator with me had a bag that was big enough for a bunch of bees, but I was pretty sure that it was tuna.  I don’t know if I could identify what bees smell like, but I do know tuna.

I was relieved when I got off on the 14th floor without being stung.  Relieved that I didn’t suffer from somebody else’s, ummmm, mistake.  That isn’t always the case, you know.

In addition to feeling relieved, though, I also felt stressed, and overloaded by information that I didn’t necessarily need.   Like how many times things go wrong when you least expect it.  And how frequently people don’t say anything about it.  Well, until they sue, that is.

It was later on in the afternoon that I realized that the internet is, in fact, making me crazy.  Paranoid.  Thoughtful in ways I don’t like being thoughtful.  Because I was sitting in a hospital waiting room reading an online New York Times article:

Report Finds Most Errors at Hospitals Go Unreported

Oh dear.   Now I was just there for a blood test, not brain surgery (although I DID consider a lobotomy after watching the GOP candidates preening for New Hampshire on the TV in the waiting room).  So you don’t need to worry about me.

I’m not so sure about you, though.  I mean I’m not so sure that I don’t have to worry about YOU.

Full disclosure clause:

I AM NOT A DOCTOR!

I AM NOT A LAWYER!

I AM NOT AN INDIAN CHIEF!

And I have not jumped rope to that chant in decades.   AND I am way more politically correct now than when I did.  So don’t even go there.

I AM a patient, though.  More often than I’d like.  Consider me an expert patient, in fact.  Assume  it is has happened to me.  Consider also the fact that I am married to a lawyer.

So I have some advice.  Free.  No charge.

In any medical-type situation, if something doesn’t seem right,

SAY SOMETHING!!!

Say it politely.  Say it clearly.  Keep saying it until someone looks you in the eye and answers your question, stops what they are doing and makes you comfortable that either:  they will stop, or there really is no problem and you can now relax and let them continue doing their work correctly.  Just remember that they are people too.

When your health or that of someone you love is the issue

DO NOT BE SHY

Pay attention

Ask questions

Speak up

Do your homework

Write down questions

Keep an updated list of your medications with you

And, if you frequent planes and elevators, keep something in your wallet that says whether or not you are allergic to bee stings.

41 Comments

Filed under Family, Humor, Science, Stupidity, Technology

The Envelope Please, Part II

There’s a reason I got crap presents for Christmas this year.  I’ve been a bad girl.  All throughout the month of December, I failed to pass on awards that I received.

Santa, I can explain!  For the rest of you, just sit back and set a spell.  It’s gonna be a long night.

Now Santa, what with all the stuff I had to do for Christmas, and actually trying to keep my job and neurotically trying to get to 5,000 hits on my blog by New Year’s (I made it!), well, I just didn’t have time to really think about these awards.

Now, some folks don’t like these awards, and that’s OK.  I’m giving it to you anyway.  Get over it.

Me, I think it is nice to be appreciated, and it gives me an excuse to really look at the blogs I read, to see who is doing what.  I also tried, I really tried to NOT give an award to someone who already has it.  But since, like me, hardly anybody knows how to get those little pictures over at the side of their blogs, it’s hard to tell.  That’s why I did a special page for my awards – not because I am such a snob (well, yes I am, but that’s not the reason I did it).  It was because I got nominated for one award six times and felt that was the only way I could let you know.

So here are the awards I got, and the people I’m giving them to.  Happy New Year!

Two special mentions here.

First, my friend Delajus at Higher and Higher is a woman I met in an online writing course.  We became fast friends.  She tells me the truth about my writing.  She argues with me.  She never hits “like” because she can’t find the “this is crap” button.  She is a beginning blogger, and only writes when she has something important to share.  She writes beautifully and is one incredibly thoughtful and thought-provoking woman.

Nancy at notquiteold led me directly or indirectly to the whole gang of folks I now consider my blogging buddies.  She wrote a comment on Crabby Old Fart that was funny, perceptive and right on target.  So I clicked on her blog and found a wonderful site.  Whenever I see that she has a new post, I wait until I have time to read it and synthesize it.  Her posts are often about ordinary things in which she finds humor, whimsy and love.  I started clicking on her commenters, and that’s how I found most of the rest of you.

As I said, I tried to look and see what blog awards folks have received, and give them ones they haven’t gotten yet.  If I left you out, I didn’t mean it.  Please let me know and I will rectify.  Because my birthday is coming up and I don’t want no more crappy gifts!

Candle Lighter Award (Thanks to Ardinam at Being Arindam)

My friend Arindam awarded me the Candle Lighter Award a couple of weeks ago.  There are no rules here, I get to award it to as many people as I choose.

Higher and Higher

An Observant Mind

Articles of Absurdity

Aurora Morealis

Georgette Sullins’s Blog

life is a bowl of kibble

notquiteold

Prairie Wisdom

RVingGirl

Sandy like a Beach

Sleep deprived and insane

Sunny Side Up

Undercover Surfer

Winsomebella

 Awesome Blog Content Award (Thanks to Susan at Susan Writes Precise)

This one is simple – to ‘accept’ the award you just add the abc award logo to your blog – the links are at the bottom of this page for you… and then you can share something about yourself with your readers and then pass the award on to other worthy bloggers – there’s no limit to how few – or how many – other bloggers you can send this to.

To share something about yourself – you will need to go through the alphabet and choose a word or phrase for each letter and use that to describe yourself – it might be something about you, something you like, or a place or thing you dream about. And that’s all – no long descriptions or detail – just create a new post, add your shiny new blog award badge and alphabet words and let your readers enjoy finding out a little more about you.  Like Susan, I will do that separately.

So here are my choices:

Higher and Higher

An Observant Mind

Georgette Sullins’s Blog

Childhood Relived

MJ Monaghan

Renovating Rita

Susan Writes Precise – because she’s good AND because of the post she did on the Penis Museum

Undercover Surfer

Winsomebella

Year-Struck

 Kreative Blogger Award (Thanks to Janice at Aurora Morealis)

 

Kreative Blogger Award started in 2008 when an Norwegian Lady named Hulda uses fabrics to create the first Kreative Blogger logo, and gave it to her sister and 3 other friends who she thought are creative. Her sister and friends passed the logo on to other bloggers whom they liked, and thus the trend began.

Today the Kreative Blogger Award logo has evolved, and along with the award that comes with some rules:

  • The Kreativ Blogger image must be displayed on the blog.
  • The nominator must be acknowledged.
  • The recipient must state ten things about himself that his readers probably don’t know.
  • The recipient must pass the award along by nominating at least six blogs to receive the award.

And the envelope, please:

An Observant Mind

AFrankAngle

Childhood Relived

Good Humored

MJ Monaghan

Sandy like a Beach

Year-Struck

 One Lovely Blog Award (Thanks to Janice at Aurora Morealis)

One Lovely Blog Award Rules:

  1. Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.
  2. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered.
  3. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.

The envelope, please:

An Observant MInd

Being Arindam

life is a bowl of kibble

Prairie Wisdom

Renovating Rita

RVingGirl

Sleep deprived and insane

Sunny Side Up

Winsomebella

The Versatile Blogger Award (Thanks to Janice at Aurora Morealis and Prairie Wisdom)

The Rules for The Versatile Blogger Award:

  1. Thank and link back to the person that gave you the award.
  2. Share seven things about yourself.
  3. Pass the award to fifteen bloggers that you think deserve it. (Elyse here – there is lots of room.  But many of my blogging buddies have already received this one)
  4. Lastly, contact all of the bloggers that you’ve picked for the award.

The envelope, please:

Being Arindam

Magsx2′s Blog

MJ Monaghan

She’s a Maineiac

psychodynamom

The Red Educational Shoe Award (Thanks to Lorre at Articles of Absurdity)

For this one, I first need crutches if I am expected to walk in that shoe.  I also need to pass it on to 5 supportive commenters.  OK, so I can’t count.

The envelope, please:

Childhood Relived

Emjayandthem

Higher and Higher

notquiteold

Sleep deprived and insane

psychodynamom

She’s a Maineiac

Year-Struck

So, Santa, you see, I’ve been busy.  But I am having a great time reading and commenting and sharing laughs with all of you guys.  Thanks for reading my stuff, too!

OK, everybody.  Wake up and look for your website.

62 Comments

Filed under Awards, Family, Humor