This year, John and I are toning way down on gifts. Money is a bit tight, and we have a house full of the junk from Christmases past. We really don’t need any more.
So I’ve been trying to figure out something fun and different to give John this year. He’s so hard to buy for. He has plenty of clothes, electronics, crap. He’s asked for a few nice books, and I’ll be glad to get them. But I’ve been trying to figure out something different. Unusual. Unique. A gift he’ll never forget.
You’ll be happy to learn that while reading the news today, I found it. And it’s to die for.
I’m getting my husband a calendar. Well, not just any calendar. Nope. He’s getting:
A calendar of coffins and cuties.
Here’s your hat, what’s your hurry?
Have you ever seen anything like it? I didn’t think so. Here’s a link to the rest of the 2012 lineup.
Surprisingly, there’s apparently quite a ruckus over in Poland about this calendar. Would you believe it, the Catholic Church is peeved. They think that it is disrespectful. The article I read said:
A church spokesman has said that human death should be treated with solemnity and not mixed up with sex.
You know, I’m beginning to think those bishops and cardinals just don’t get sex!
Still, we’re not Catholic, so we don’t have to worry. Beside’s I’m pretty sure John will love his calendar. He certainly won’t be able to guess what it is.
FiftyFourandAHalf 
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Fabulous! We’ve just been talking about how to skip gifts and still keep the “anticipation” fun of Christmas. Can’t think of anything that keeps a man anticipating more than a crazy calendar like this. You’re a creative (and generous) wife!!!
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My husband would just die if I actually got it for him! We do however try to get each other something rather absurd for Christmas. It’s the best part!
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Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyway, just wanted to say superb blog!
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…and you can write in the card “Enjoy one part of this too much and you’ll need the other”.
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If he enjoys the coffin to much he’ll need a cutie? Did I get the order right, Guap?
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Possibly.
Wow, Mr And A Half has some…unusual proclivities…
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He would die if he knew you’d called him that!!! It’s hilarious.
Actually Mr. AndAHalf wouldn’t be at all interested in the calendar. He never looks at anyone else and has never once told me of another woman he finds attractive. I’ve been trying to get him to for 27 years now, failing miserably.
He also claims to have never had a girlfriend before me. I know he’s lying on that one. Ahem. About that one.
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I find this completely shocking. You mean to tell me that your husband doesn’t read your blog?
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He tries not to encourage blogging as he would prefer I spend my time writing best selling novels so that he can retire.
He reads it often enough so that I do not grouse about him on it, but not so often that I can’t make fun of him there. It’s a good compromise.
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Wow, ladies adorned in body paint hawking coffins; what a way to go…
Safe to say that Purgatory was holding a recruitment drive…?
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Has anyone else said they are “just dying” for one of these? No, I thought not. That would be too easy.
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Ah, Michelle — we were saving it for you. The perfect line!
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Hmmm. Just when I thought I must have seen it all 😉
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Ah, PW, the world is a strange and wonderful place full of really weird stuff. I do seem to find much of it, though, don’t I!
Nice to see you back in the sphere — I am off to read your post now!
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I think everyone should get a little something something when they die. Of course….the person “sticking it to them” is a real sicko.
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I think they need to get the sex before they die, Lorre. Otherwise it is sick!
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True, but after life sex could be cool. I’m not sure how that works though.
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I’m not even going there!
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Hahahaha! Omg, you crack me up, Elyse!! What a thoughtful wife you are =P
And seriously, what’s up with those bishops? No sense of humour, geez.
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Thanks, Janice! I think they need to get rid of the celibacy laws for the church. So many ignore them anyway — oh, I digress!
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Just before heading off to bed I read your post and thought coffins and cuties a hilarious idea and i continued to laugh reading all the comments and replies – well done! Am now jumping in the coffin and closing the lid for the night.
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Since I’m reading this in the morning, I hope you didn’t nail it shut!
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I STILL don’t see a coffin in that picture…
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Apparently you’re not Catholic either!
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Uh, no…
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Look at it this way. For years, they’ve used hot chicks to sell the kind of cars that would kill most people trying to drive them. So – they just eliminated the middle man. 😀
I guess it wouldn’t just be the coffin that had wood…… 😉
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You have a point AND a groan, John. Well done.
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Death and Sex. They often do go together, so this isn’t that odd.
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Sex seems to go with birth, too, I hear!
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A very functional calendar! BTW … don’t forget the nested dolls.
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What? Are dolls inside the coffin? That would keep a body busy for a little while, anyway!
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LOL …. I meant the Russian nested dolls for him … the ones I showed you.
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Ah, I was just razzin’ you. I am pretty sure I know where to get some of those dolls (although the store is run by a Republican so he may not be willing to carry these!)
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Although the dolls nested in the coffin would be interesting.
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Especially after resurrection!
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Or it would cause resurrection.
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Or maybe if you have a copy of the pinup inside the coffin, it would cause re-erection, which is good too.
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Absolutely!
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HIlarious!
MJ
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Thanks, MJ. I really couldn’t resist!
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It happened….I’m speechless. A part of me is grateful however that she is not in the coffin with luring eyes. The Christmas morning photo shoot would be classic!
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You’re welcome, Tops. When I read the article, that was my impression — that she was inside it. And the picture (and the ones in the link) is from the 2012 calendar. I think the Church is so flipped out because this year’s may go farther. Sadly, they don’t have samples!
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Hilarious! and I love benzeknees comment, too.
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Darla, you forgot “useful” too. It’ll make a great appointment calendar. It’ll kill him to not look at it.
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This is awesomely awful.
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It was impossible to resist exactly for that reason, Fork. It would be hard to find something more tacky.
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“You know, I’m beginning to think those bishops and cardinals just don’t get sex!” Literally!
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:)! As a lapsed Catholic, that’s as far as I could go with that one!
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Slim and sleek! He’ll never guess, I like it.
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Hi Lori! Good to see you!
The key to giving gifts is to find something that the recipient never suspects. I think I have it with this one!
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I don’t know whether to call it morbid or awesome, so…. Let’s go with this: It’s morbidly awesome and awesomely morbid! 😀
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I think you nailed it — twice.
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That is sheer genius. I’m jealous.
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Don’t be, Cooper. I’m not sure it’s really available in this country. So I may have to think up a whole different bizarre gift.
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Or make ur own…do a Calendar Girls thing and become famous
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I don’t think it’d be much of a seller. Hence no pictures on my website!
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Oh, come on. At the risk of a temporal pun, I bet you’ve got an hourglass figure that could stop clocks!
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No, sadly, I have a clock like figure in an hourglass mind. But I’m working on it.
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I hear ya. I DO have an hourglass figure – it’s just that all the sands have shifted south. WAY south.
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I think MM has it right. Focus on something else besides the grim reaper. Sheesh…I actually worked with someone when I was in my 30’s (and he was younger than me) who had already bought his cemetery plot. Who does that? I’m organized…but I wasn’t that organized in my 30’s.
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You’re right, Georgette. Focusing on things other than death is a good thing! But buying your cemetery plot in you’re 30s? My my. I rarely get enough groceries ahead of time!
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Haha! This is fabulous! Just enough “horribly wrong” to be “perfectly delightful”. 🙂
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Isn’t it crazy? I’d love to order one just for the novelty of it!
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He may never even see the coffins.
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You’re probably right. And they aren’t very coffin-like, are they. Oh, I forgot to put the whole slide show in. Oops.
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