Sweet Reaper

I am no longer the Grim Reaper!  I may not yet be up there with Santa, but I can now say that I can give the Easter Bunny a run for her money.  Today I can pass on some really good news.

That’s not usually the case, you know.  It’s because I work in medicine, and I hear about everything that can possibly kill, maim, and/or injure you.  I know exactly what you should fear.  I know what produce is riddled with bacteria today, why you shouldn’t ever eat runny eggs or sprouts of any kind (I do anyway).   I know way more than I want to know.  And I always share with my friends and family.

They hate me.

But really, what would you do?  I try to temper it, tone it down, but, well, what if I don’t tell someone and something bad happens?  Fortunately, most people I know have my emails sent immediately to their SPAM folders, so I satisfy my need to tell and they satisfy theirs to ignore.  Everybody is happy.  Ish.

Finally today, I am able to pass on good news.  Sweet news.  The best.  Today I learned that candy is no worse for you than granola.  Yup.  It’s true.  They just try to make us feel guilty for sucking down those gummy, gooey sweets.  When I read the news,  I tore open a package of PopRocks, twisted the top off a Coke and celebrated.  Yahoo!  Crazy Man!  Outta site!  Groovy, even.

I am not talking about dark chocolate, here.  Folks have been trying to convert me to that crap for a decade.  “Oh, it’s healthy.”  Yeah right.  It tastes like dandruff.  Dark chocolate has all the sweetness of my 7th grade math teacher – the one who longed to return to the days when she could smack kids.  Keep your dark chocolate.  Gimme Skittles.  Gimme Dots.  Gimme Twizlers.  Give me that new mint Three Musketeers bar when I am pretending to have adult tastes.

Yes, today’s headline brought me the news that I could, on occasion, choose between granola and gummy bears without feeling guilty when the gummies win.

Next thing I know, there will be a news report that one three-pack of Peeps provides 100 percent of USDA recommended levels of 10 essential vitamins and minerals.

I can’t wait.

22 Comments

Filed under Humor

22 responses to “Sweet Reaper

  1. Thank you for this fun post, Elyse. I have a big sweet tooth. Mint flavored 3Musketeers?!?. Thank you for the tip!

    Russ

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  2. Well, I certainly feel better now. I just polished off three mini Snickers bars and it’s not even 9 am.

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  3. I love it! Now I can eat my Peanut M&M’s guilt free!
    On another note….What’s with the fun size anyways? I guess they are popular for Halloween treats but I’m not thinking that fun size is very fun.

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  4. Perfect post for those of us looking Halloween treats square in the face and thinking – ‘I should eat a healthy granola bar instead.’

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    • You can send me a check any ol’ time! I’m sure that the article was published for just that reason. I for one am going to go guilt free through Christmas! Scale free, too!

      Thank you for checking out my blog — it’s my turn now!

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  5. I tell you that book “I’m Okay, You’re Okay” unleashed “It’s Okay, Everything is Okay”…what’s a person to believe? Yet since you work in medicine and science, I will take this into consideration. Verrrry interesting.

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  6. This is the best news Ive heard in a LONG time! What I’m not sure about, is if its telling me that Granola that we thought was healthy, is actually crap, or if the candy is better for us than we thought? There’s a whole realm of questions here!

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    • I think it just goes back to the fact that manufacturers want us to buy their stuff so they put sugar into everything nowadays. Perhaps the best idea is still “everything in moderation.” But now I will have my Twizlers sans guilt when I have them.

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  7. A man after my own heart. In the interest of full disclosure, I did not read the actual study. But I am POSITIVE it is scientifically accurate, so I didn’t feel the need to read it.

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  8. This may be the best day of my husband’s life. He’s twizzler-addicted.

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  9. I have a very long tongue.

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  10. Exactly how is it you know what dandruff tastes like?

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  11. Chocolate Peeps???? Not dark chocolate, I hope!

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  12. I knew there was something wonderful hidden within the yellow and now pink, blue and chocolate Peeps.

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  13. Only for sugar addicts. We’re the only ones who would fall for the ‘Peeps have vitamins’ line in the first place! 🙂

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  14. No, I made that up — PEEPS have no nutritional value. I actually planned to write to you NOT to read this. Perhaps I should add a caution at the front?????

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  15. Oh, geez, you’re killin’ me here! Is this how you treat a friend with a sugar addiction? I’ll be having words with you later, Missy! In private. Man! And I almost made it through the day without sugar. Almost. Peeps have vitamins? DAMN! I am so screwed!

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