Because I am fifty-four-and-a-half years old, the world is against me.   The world would be treating me just fine, thank you very much, if I were just six months older.  Read the news lately?  Some folks in Congress want to change Medicare — starting with me.  Starting with folks currently under 55.  Am I the only fifty-four-and-a-half-year-old who is seriously pissed off about this?

Some might say that by the time Congress does something about Medicare I will be over 55, old enough to be, ahem, grandfathered in.  Oh, great.  That makes me feel loads better.  Why not just say, “hey soon you’ll be dead and you won’t have to worry”?

Besides, that is not the way life works.  I will live long enough to be a burden to society, with every health complaint currently known and several not yet invented.  And I won’t have Medicare to help pay the bills.

What’s worse, they are talking about a voucher system.  You know — coupons.  And that’s how I will get my revenge against all the people who didn’t bother to say to Congress,

“Hey, are vouchers really such a great idea?”

Because I will keep my vouchers in my purse.  Those vouchers will be somewhere in that big sack along with everything else: my grocery store coupons, my wallet, makeup, receipts dating back to 1998, mints, gum (new and used), extra pantyhose, toilet seat covers, hand sanitizer, and anything else I might have needed in the many years I’ve carried this particular purse.  You will get to watch me search through it all for my healthcare vouchers.

And, I will not be the only one.

In fact, health vouchers will be kept in the purses of all women over 65.  Based on data from the US Census Bureau, I calculate that in 10.5 years, there will be 20 million women over 65 getting vouchers instead of a Medicare card.

Now take a moment to think about that.  A moment to think about an entire generation of little old ladies looking through their purses for their vouchers.

One of us will be in line in front of you.


Filed under Humor

23 responses to “Fifty-Four-and-A-Half

  1. Pingback: Deja Boo-Hoo | FiftyFourandAHalf

  2. He would come and present us with his lead and waggy tail when it was time-better
    than a personal trainer !

    Liked by 1 person

  3. … and this is where it all started. A toast … clink!


  4. Pingback: Do I Hear Five? | FiftyFourandAHalf

  5. The beginning! So cool. Looks like you were just always a damned good blogger, dude. I appreciate a good rant, though if I end up on vacation down south stuck in line behind one of these little old ladies with the overstuffed pursues, I may just scurry back north across the border.

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. Hello, Elyse…I turned 47 and a half on May 29, 2011 and started my own blog that day, about the same time you started yours! I look forward to reading more of your posts.


    • Hi Laura,
      I saw your comment yesterday and clicked “Approved” but it disappeared. I am glad I found it — and can find your blog too.

      We did start blogging the very same day, as this was my first post, done on May 29, 2011. Perhaps we were separated at birth, or somewhere in the 10 years that separate us!

      Thanks for commenting; I’m off to check out my sister site — yours!


  10. Suzanne Heisman

    Elyse…It’s so good to hear from you and congrats on your new venture in writing! I love your dry humor writing style!
    Hey, it won’t be so bad if we have to wait in line, rumaging through our purses…another social opportunity for us little old ladies.


  11. Lisa Millar

    ELYSE – NOOOoooooo!!!!

    Up till this minute I was HAPPY that I was under fifty, but now, considering the line-ups that I will no doubt be a part of in 10.5 years from now, I’m thinking the current 54.5 years olds have one over on me! Merde!

    Excellent rant, regardless that now I need to drink extra to cope with it,


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