Daily Archives: May 29, 2011


Because I am fifty-four-and-a-half years old, the world is against me.   The world would be treating me just fine, thank you very much, if I were just six months older.  Read the news lately?  Some folks in Congress want to change Medicare — starting with me.  Starting with folks currently under 55.  Am I the only fifty-four-and-a-half-year-old who is seriously pissed off about this?

Some might say that by the time Congress does something about Medicare I will be over 55, old enough to be, ahem, grandfathered in.  Oh, great.  That makes me feel loads better.  Why not just say, “hey soon you’ll be dead and you won’t have to worry”?

Besides, that is not the way life works.  I will live long enough to be a burden to society, with every health complaint currently known and several not yet invented.  And I won’t have Medicare to help pay the bills.

What’s worse, they are talking about a voucher system.  You know — coupons.  And that’s how I will get my revenge against all the people who didn’t bother to say to Congress,

“Hey, are vouchers really such a great idea?”

Because I will keep my vouchers in my purse.  Those vouchers will be somewhere in that big sack along with everything else: my grocery store coupons, my wallet, makeup, receipts dating back to 1998, mints, gum (new and used), extra pantyhose, toilet seat covers, hand sanitizer, and anything else I might have needed in the many years I’ve carried this particular purse.  You will get to watch me search through it all for my healthcare vouchers.

And, I will not be the only one.

In fact, health vouchers will be kept in the purses of all women over 65.  Based on data from the US Census Bureau, I calculate that in 10.5 years, there will be 20 million women over 65 getting vouchers instead of a Medicare card.

Now take a moment to think about that.  A moment to think about an entire generation of little old ladies looking through their purses for their vouchers.

One of us will be in line in front of you.


Filed under Humor