The Slow Kid Gets It AGAIN

Everybody always tags the slow kid.  So I’m not sure if this is an honor or if everybody is picking on me.  These folks are either really good friends or should be banned from Word Press.  I can’t quite decide.

But I’m IT, I was TAGGED.  So here goes nothin.’  Here’s how you play.

  • You must post the rules. (Check)
  • You must thank the folks who put you up to this:

Here are the culprits; they made me do this.  Trust me, it wasn’t my idea.  In fact, I thought I had already done this when I wrote What’s In A Meme.

Janice at  Aurora Morealist (2/21)

Janice at Cafe23 (2/22)

TwinDaddy at Stuphblog (2/24)

  • Answer the questions the taggers set for you in their post.

I’m cheating here.  I was tagged 3 times, I figure nobody wants to spend the next month reading about me.  So I chose some questions from each of the bloggin’ buddies who picked on me.  You can thank me later.

  • Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.  (I’m cheating again)
  • Let them know you’ve tagged them! (Cheating is the theme here)

Janice at Aurora Morealis’ questions:

If you were given another chance at life, to come back as anything or anyone you want, who or what would you choose and why?

I want to come back as an American Coot, my favorite bird.

Me in my next life. OR maybe in my previous one. Before being eaten by an eagle.

They are silly, duck-like birds (they don’t even get a category of their own – they are merely duck-like).

They must have a great sense of humor, because they are awful at everything else.  In fact, they have trouble swimming (no webs on their feet)– they thrust their heads forward with each stroke, in the same way a race horse does, but without the grace.  They also forget that they are birds and can fly.  I’d be like that.  You see, coots can’t take off easily from the water (where they spend 99.9 percent of their time); they always look like Keystone Cops trying to get away.  They get eaten by eagles and hawks because they are slow and awkward.  And stupid.  The term “old coot” comes from these guys.  But I love them anyway.  They crack me up.

I always picture them with a speech bubble over their head that says “SHOOT” – a particularly dumb thing for a bird to be saying, if you ask me.  But they can’t help it; they were taught not to swear when they were “Cooties.”  (Yes, I had to say it.)


Apparently I must be pretty content in this lifetime to come back as prey, but still.  They are great fun to watch.

What one thing do you wish you did when you had the chance?

See Door Number Two! Where my dreams of fame and fortune ended.  I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen Door Number One.  Or what was behind the curtain.  Or, perhaps, what would have happened if I had never come out of the closet.  [Thousands of people will now think I am gay.  Perhaps I will attract new readers!]

 If a stranger knocked on your door and asked for food or shelter, what would you do?

Open the door and let them in.  They would be pleasant and grateful, and nice and fun.  We would have a party.  Then my husband would kill me for having let potential murderers in.

Are you glad or ticked off that I tagged you?


 TwinDaddy’s Questions:

 What is the most traumatic experience you’ve ever had?

Saturday, January 15, 2000 and Tuesday, August 11, 2009, the dates my sisters died.  Judy at 47 went first, and then Beth at 61.  Sucked.  Still sucks.  We were going to race our wheelchairs in the nursing home.

If you could choose one moment in your life that defined who you are today, what was that moment?

Many years ago, I had horrible secretarial job at an Ivy League university.  I felt stupid every day –not because people made me feel that way (everyone was really very nice).  Nope.  I MADE MYSELF FEEL THAT WAY.  Everyone I saw intimidated me.

One day, a brilliant professor needed help changing a light bulb.  In a table lamp.  It made me realize that in at least one way, I was smarter than this brilliant man.  And I stopped feeling stupid.  More importantly, I stopped doubting that I was smart enough to do whatever I chose to do.  After all, I could change a light bulb.

Why, OH WHY, do you blog?

I started blogging after taking a humor writing class where I found I enjoyed writing short snarky pieces.  What else do you do with short and snarky?

Cafe23’s questions:

Do you have any tattoos? If yes, of what and where? If not, what tattoo would you get if you had to get one?

When I read “In Cold Blood” in high school, my very favorite teacher ever said “Never trust anyone with a tattoo.”  At that time, it was only cold blooded killers and sailors who had them.  Things have changed in 40 years.

Still I don’t get why anyone would want one.  Times and styles change – just look at shirt collars, ties and hairstyles.  What happens when tattoos go out of fashion?

I was in a store in Maine last summer when a young girl was proudly displaying the tattoo she’d gotten of a hummingbird for her 20th birthday.  It was quite pretty, and it was right there at the top of her substantial left breast.  By the time she is my age and her boobs sag, it will look like a turkey vulture.

Who wouldn't want this on their breast?

*   *   *

Do you believe in God?

I don’t think it matters, really.  I think how people act is what is important.  I believe in the Golden Rule.  I also believe in what I’ve gotten from the New Testament:  Love.  That’s what it’s all about.  The Old Testament didn’t teach love.  And for some reason that – the hate is what resonates with all too many folks these days.

What will get you angry?

Republican politicians get me angry whenever I think of them.  Cause I just don’t feel the love.  See my response to the question above.

Why did you name your blog the name you named it?

Two reasons.  One: I was angry about being 6 months shy of qualifying for Medicare under the Republican plan.  I wrote about in People My Age and in my first post Fifty Four And A Half.

But the real reason is that I felt reaching the age of 54-1/2 was a personal victory.  That was the average age of my two sisters when they died.  I reached it with a combination of sadness and triumph.  And that’s partly why I will always, at heart, be 54-1/2.

*     *     *

Now My Questions:

  1. What color best describes you?
  2. Dogs or cats?
  3. Favorite Broadway Show
  4. First TV crush — and does he/she resemble your significant other?
  5. M*A*S*H or Mary Tyler Moore Show?
  6. Favorite romantic dinner
  7. First childhood memory
  8. Plot summary of your first novel
  9. Are you punny?
  10. What will you do when you win the lottery?
  11. Tell me about a brush with fame

I’m not going to tag anyone; I’m way too slow.  But feel free to answer if you’d like.  Or not if you’d rather not (you’re welcome, Lorre).  If you do answer, please post a link to your post in the comments.


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49 responses to “The Slow Kid Gets It AGAIN

  1. Pingback: Tag. I’m it! « Articles of Absurdity

  2. I was TRYING to sound cranky. That’s my MO, isn’t it?

    But truthfully, I had a great time with this post. It let me do a couple of them that I’d been thinking of / working on but that hadn’t quite jelled. Especially the bit about coming back as a coot. I love my coots. AND I got to use the “cooties” line. What’s not to like?

    Thanks for tagging me — you have my official permission to do it again if I have your official permission (which I already had) not to do it!


  3. You are so awesome and so are your answers. Sorry I tagged you. Promise not to ever do it again. Maybe. LOL LOL xo


  4. You are catching up here. Go for it — I like these questions when I don’t have any idea what to write about but need to increase my stats. Which, of course, is the only reason to post!


  5. Okay bitch…I mean friend. That’s like a double dog dare you, so you know I’m gonna do it. The question is when. You really know how to light a fire under someone’s ass, don’t you.


  6. You’d better run!


  7. Oops. You just reminded me that I am a ‘tag’ post behind. Guess I’m ‘it’ after all.


  8. GOF

    I like the idea of answering the inquisitive questions posed by others.
    Thanks for all the coot information….we don’t have them here.
    I am so sorry for the loss of your sisters….I cannot imagine how tough that would be because I have no siblings.
    And tattoos…..I still don’t understand why anyone wants them. Just last week I saw a young woman with the most beautiful face, but everything below her neckline was defaced with tattoos. I just felt sad that something had made her do it.


    • Hi GOF,
      I nearly missed your comment — sorry, I DO hope you weren’t holding your breath in anticipation!
      Glad I could help you out on the coots. I’m smiling just thinking about them. Perhaps I can do special “coot tours.” I’ve never gotten to actually see any cooties though.
      Thanks for your words about my sisters.
      I’m with you on the tatts. I just don’t get them.
      Thanks for your comment (well, actually commentS).


  9. This looks like fun! I shall give it a try in the near future. (By the way, thanks for all your sweet comments on my blog. Sometimes I don’t get to visit others as often as I’d like)


  10. Pingback: Yo! Another vlog up in the hizzle! | She's a Maineiac

  11. I could never get a tattoo because I couldn’t commit to any one symbol, word, picture, etc., that I think I’d still feel strongly about in five years, let alone fifty.


  12. Pingback: The Slow Kid Ge… « cristiandikacipenks

  13. Elyse, you are so engaging and entertaining. Plus, just plain like-able. I would have loved to play tag with you back in the day and then tire out and sit under the slide and just talk.


    • Thanks, PW! I tired quickly and really was incredibly slow. I was one of the smallest in the class, and I have almost no legs which, last I heard, are important for running!

      We would have had many fun recesses together you and me!


  14. At the coot’s request.
    1. What color best describes you?
    White or Black

    2. Dogs or cats?
    Love pets – prefer cats

    3. Favorite Broadway Show

    4. First TV crush — and does he/she resemble your significant other?
    I can’t remember the first in the long history of crushes

    5. M*A*S*H or Mary Tyler Moore Show?

    6. Favorite romantic dinner
    At a restaurant

    7. First childhood memory
    It’s light and dry – Hey – that’s hurt!

    8. Plot summary of your first novel
    I don’t write fiction

    9. Are you punny?
    At times

    10. What will you do when you win the lottery?
    Find an attorney, and then not tell anyone that I won

    11. Tell me about a brush with fame


    • Well, you’re a coot too. Only Coots can fail to know any of those folks mentioned in that very funny piece. Thanks for posting it!

      And I’m pretty sure that you are the only man I’ve ever known who prefers MTM to M*A*S*H. Me, I love both, but get to see M*A*S*H any time of day or night. I do, however, think that the MTM episode where Chuckles the Clown dresses up as Peter Peanut and gets stepped on by an elephant has to be the funniest episode of TV ever written.


  15. Pingback: I Always Break The Chain | Laura's 50 by 50

  16. I had lots of TV crushes, but none more serious than Robert Culp in “I Spy” – how I adored him. I thought he could rescue me from high school.


    • I still love him, even though he passed a couple of years ago. I loved him then, and I also loved what I read years ago about how he helped Bill Cosby in those early days with issues of racism. He was such a good egg.

      You may need to write a post about Robert Culp and Zumba. I’m sure he would have loved it!


  17. Thanks for indulging us, Elyse 🙂


    • Ooh, I do sound cranky, don’t I? A terrible party pooper. So sorry, I don’t really mean to. If only I could express myself better ;(

      I get a bit panicky when I see these blog games — they’re hard and fun and interesting, all at the same time.

      But I appreciate your tagging me and had fun writing the piece~ so thanks!


  18. Why do I want to nickname you “Trouble”? Since you are my older sister, it does seem to fit. Only two days till I’m 53 – I can’t believe it.

    1. Old coot – I was going to ask if that’s where it came from – that’s so cool!
    2. Your sisters – 😦 very sad. I dread that day – I have two brothers and four sisters who are all alive and we’re all one year apart.
    3. Your experience at the Ivy League school may be one of the best life experience stories I’ve heard in a LONG time. I may share that sometime. It is so profound. Hope you don’t mind. Will credit you, however.
    4. Godspell is absolutely one of my favorite musicals.
    5. I NEVER go into politics, till now: I’m a “center-right” independent, but don’t like ANY politicians at this time. I see no reps for the people, only agendas from both parties.
    6. You give me great food for thought, Elyse – thank you!


    • Wow, bro, that’s quite a comment! I have never been anyone’s big sister before, so I’ll gladly take on the task. I’m the youngest of 5, girl, boy, girl, boy, ME. My brothers are still alive, so being my brother will not endanger your health. I am, however, reluctant to take on sisters for obvious reasons.

      I love my light bulb story. It’s true, and it really was as if, ahem, a light bulb went off in my head. It was possibly the last time I was intimidated by anyone’s intelligence, because I did realize well, that everybody has areas that they just don’t get.

      As for politics, I imagine I’ll be writing on that a bit more in the next several months. But when I started following politics, the world was peopled by liberal republicans who did much good. Our environmental laws were drafted in part by Sen. Robert Stafford (R-VT), Senator John Chaffee (R-RI) and others. Republicans who are reasonable and who are willing to work together to do good things for the country are extinct. They have been replaced by folks who go into government being AGAINST government. They are now showing exactly how extreme they are; they believe that birth control is a sin, that a woman’s body is theirs to do with as they please, and that they can make as much money as they possibly can (through legal and less legal means) and they don’t need to pay a dime in taxes. They are a selfish lot. And I believe they are dangerous.

      Oops my soap box is wobbling. I’d better get back onto safer ground.

      I was out this afternoon watching my coots. And I came back and looked them up. Calling someone a “coot” is usually reserved for a man; women are biddies. 🙂


  19. You did a sublime job! I never knew the story of your sisters so will say now that I am terribly sorry for your loss, no matter how long ago I think it somehow remains fresh.

    Funny about tattoos, my first experience with them was when I was probably 5 years old. There was an old many in our neighborhood who had a huge sailing ship on his chest, it fascinated me. I told my parents when I grew up I was going to get a tattoo, they were horrified and made me promise I would never consider such an outrageous thing. The year was probably 1962, they also made me promise to stay away from the old playhouse on the hill where that man worked. In 1974, to commemorate my escape from a terribly abusive marriage (my first) I got my first tattoo on my right shoulder. It has since been covered, but I have also gotten 14 others.


    • Thanks for your sympathies — and yes, it doesn’t ever go away. I will miss them always.

      As for the tats (tatts?), yours sounds somewhat freeing given the timing of it. They’re just not for me. I have chronic health issues, and I am stuck with needles more often than I would like — I don’t do it voluntarily!


  20. bigsheepcommunications

    I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one who thinks about how hummingbird tattoos will stretch and morph into turkey vultures, but I’m exceptionally happy that you did start blogging because I enjoy every word!


  21. I love these tag Q/As because I am usually stumped as to what to write about. Loved reading your answers.

    The story about your blog name and the connection to your sisters’ passings I didn’t know about. I remember that post about death on the holidays in your family and you wrote it with such a great combination of emotion and humor. I was hooked instantly.

    So your Maine experience involved a girl with a tattoo? Hmm…if I run into you next time you visit I promise I won’t be sporting any vultures.


    • Thanks, Darla.
      The post you’re talking about was Both Sides Now, which really is probably my best ever. It was completely cathartic.

      The soon-to-be vulture tattoo was not my only Maine experience. The photo on my header was taken from the house where I spend as much time as I can in the summer, on Mount Dessert Island. I only wish it weren’t a million miles away! I love it there. Just love it. And I am so glad you haven’t had any vulture tattoos done, in spite of being FP’d!


      • I thought I recognized that picture. We used to go up Cadillac Mountain every fall and see the colors. One of my fave places to go.

        I have not only taken you up on the question challenge, but I will be posting a short video of it. Along with a few other little videos for your amusement and entertainment (or not). Consider yourself warned.


  22. Hi,
    Very well done, and good job on the answers as well. 😀


  23. I am as graceful as a Coot. An old Coot. But I love you for saying that, Guap


  24. Handled with grace and style, and thank you for sharing your answers!


  25. These contests/awards are fun and hard. Sometimes it is hard to write what someone else asks; other times it is just the ticket. This piece was somewhere in between for me. It was fun to do — there were things I’d been trying to put together but that weren’t really enough for full posts. So this was fun.
    Thanks for visiting, as always!


  26. I enjoyed reading your answers. And the new rules 🙂


  27. If it matters, I tagged you because I was looking forward to your answers, not because you’re slow.


  28. Very nicely done, and no shame in being the slow kid as quite often slow and steady wins the race, but not in NASCAR.


    • Thanks, Sandy. But I’m not worried about being slow any more.
      I’ll never be a NASCAR sort of girl, so that’s OK. My idea of watching sports is the commercials in the Superbowl.


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