A Love (?) Story

When I tell this story, I always have to put in a disclaimer.  Sort of like Dickens at the beginning of A Christmas Carol, when he says

“it must be understood that Marley was dead, otherwise nothing strange and wonderful could have happened.”

In this case, it must be understood that I was really, really nice to everyonePromise me you’ll remember that.

Once upon a time, I had a job at a law school.  The most fun job I’ve ever had.  I was the administrative assistant to a student organization, the BSA.  The Boy Scouts of America, law school chapter.  The BSA members were 2nd and 3rd year students who did a lot to make the first year students happier during their (relatively miserable and difficult) first year.  They did orientation, taught legal writing, answered questions on where to go, what to do.  The office was large, with comfy chairs and a couch, a full free coffee pot.  A good, friendly place to hang out.  The members did, and so did a core of 1st years who, naturally, tried to become members for their 2nd and 3rd years.

It was a wonderful job.  Basically I answered questions and was nice to people.  Always.  A smile on my face, a laugh, a soft shoulder when needed.  It was easy to be nice in such a fun job.

Substantively, I had to know what was going on in the members various activities, because I was the one in the office when the 1st year students had questions.  I had to know what was going on to give the  answers.  Because that was my job.  The BSA members were all nice.  Except Monte.  He wasn’t.  He was a jerk.  Totally uncooperative.  He deserved that name.

Monte was in charge of a very important program that was one of two mandatory moot court programs for all 1st year students.  Essentially, it’s where they learned how to present and argue a case.  A whole case.  They write the briefs and argued the case in front of a panel of judges.

The students had a million questions, and they were also apprehensive, because it was so important.  But Monte was in charge and wouldn’t let me know what was going on.  He wouldn’t answer my questions.  He wouldn’t keep me informed or involved.  I invariably had no answer to give to the poor student who really needed one.

Now, it might surprise you to know this, but I really hate to look stupid.  So one day I’d had enough of being unable to help, unable to answer questions I was supposed to answer.  Unable to do my job.  So I took Monte into the back room and politely explained in the nicest possible way, why he had to do things my way.

He responded “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”  And he left.

Me, except I’m blond. And in color.

To this very day I have never been so mad at anyone.

I went back to my desk fuming, steam coming out of my ears, angry tears, the works.  As I stood there, shaking mad, a tall, blond 1st year student entered the office, came up to me and said – oh I don’t remember what he said.  But it was a question about that program.  Monte’s program.

“I DON’T KNOW.  YOU WILL HAVE TO ASK MONTE WHO IS A COMPLETE JERK!” I screamed at the tall, completely innocent blond guy.

He stood there, put his hands on his hips, shook his head and left the office.  He never returned.

I remember it clearly.  Well, except all I can see in my memory is the outline of a faceless blond guy, shaking his head, clearly thinking “what a bitch she is not very nice.”

John did not propose then and there.

In fact, we didn’t ever cross paths again that we know about during the two years we were there together.  We met again through a guy I was dating who worked with John.  Years after I broke up with the other guy, John asked me out after we met up again at a party.

Whenever someone asks us the “how did you two meet?” question, well, I make sure I tell the story.  Because John claims I fired nuclear weapons at him, which, I think you will agree, is a slight exaggeration.  And it makes me look bad.

Really, I didn’t shoot at him.

But hey, my husband can never claim that he didn’t know I could be a bitch.  And that has been worth its weight in gold (or nukes) for almost 26 years.

*    *    *

I wrote this up after Arindam, of Being Arindam suggested I do it.  And because there is nothing I like to do more than humiliate myself.  Publicly.

116 Comments

Filed under Awards, Family, Humor, Law

116 responses to “A Love (?) Story

  1. Great story, Elyse! I suspect John likes strong women…

    Like

  2. Julie

    Hi Elyse,
    I’ve seen you around and just decided to follow you home.. so to speak… not in a creepy way, just to learn more about you.
    So don’t get mad when I say I expected Monte to be your husband. 😀

    Like

    • If I had married Monte, He would be dead and I would be in jail! And I cannot imagine marrying anyone with that name!

      Thanks for following me Julie. I will check out your blog when I am not on my phone!

      Like

  3. Awww! I like that your very first encounter with him was one of loathing and snark. This lets him know right off the back that it is best not to cross you…

    Like

  4. I had to pause and come read this in the middle of your She’s A Maineiac interview, and I’m so glad I did! That is FANTASTIC. (Although at first I thought MONTE might turn out to be your future beloved!)

    Like

  5. Pingback: Firsts and Lasts…with Elyse from FiftyFourandAHalf « She's a Maineiac

  6. I don’t think you humiliated yourself, but it can be dangerous playing with weapons…………

    Like

  7. Remember that. But then again, you get what you pay for!

    Like

  8. Great story, and maybe Monte, in spite of all his faults and failings, should be called “Monte the Matchmaker”. 🙂

    Like

    • Well, maybe if John had proposed then and there. It was, actually about 8 years later. I think the term you really want is “Monte the Bitchmaker.” That one fits!

      Like

      • LOL – That’s funny, but there’s no way that I’m going to agree with you. Nope, not happening… 😉

        Wish I’d seen this earlier – About 6 hrs ago, WordPress stopped letting me know that folks like you have replying to my comments and replies. The wonderful and miraculous orange thingy up in the right hand corner froze and hasn’t worked since. WordPress will probably soon write a post about how happy this has made me, and what an innovative idea this is to make things not work for me.

        Like

        • I think you are just being disagreeable, Chris!

          My orange thing-y just started working again. I don’t like it, though. Because my comments tend to wander off into cyberspace when I use it. But I think you’re right about WordPress’ take on it. I just forgot that it makes me happy.

          Like

          • Yeah, you’re probably right, so “Monte the Bitchmaker” it is! And yes, he was an asshole and you were sorely provoked.

            I didn’t like the orange thingy either when they first started it, but then I kinda got used to it, since I didn’t have your problem with disappearing comments, which would have really pissed me off. Wait a minute… what am I saying? This is WordPress, where we are always delighted and also grateful when we take the time to make a comment and then it disappears. Who are we to question the onward and constant march of functionally dysfunctional progress here at WordPress?

            We’re just bloggers and we must always remember our place, cause if we all went away, WP would never even miss us – because they’d be too busy innovating stuff to notice we were gone.

            Like

  9. Love the story and really needed to read it right now! Thanks for sharing (and I mean it). I’m sitting amongst my Montes with a smile on my face. You just know that has to confuse them!

    They say life is a circle. I’m glad your’s circled back to the man you share your life with. Truly a fine love story.

    Like

    • Thanks, MDR. And if the smiles don’t work, missiles are always good! The other thing that I often use to combat the Montes of the world is a simple “I’m sure you didn’t mean to be rude BUT…”

      Welcome back. Hope you’re doing OK, Montes not withstanding.

      Like

  10. “He deserved that name.”

    Priceless. Ya made me laugh agin’.

    Suffer Monte. Suffer.

    Like

    • I be Monte is oblivious to any insults he throws about in his ignorance. And so, everyone who works for him is no doubt suffering, not him. He probably doesn’t even realize that he has a lame name.

      Like

  11. clinton

    Of course, Monte is probably chasing ambulances now — on all fours — with his power tie flapping in the wind like a drooling tongue.

    Like

  12. clinton

    I wonder if I should begin blogging. I have volumes of humiliating moments in my checkered past.

    Like

  13. clinton

    Wow, that’s how you met John. Cool.

    Like

  14. You met yourself a patient and understanding man. Maybe he already had a good understanding of women folk. Obviously, he didn’t judge you on the first impression. What a cool and gracious fella you have.

    Like

    • Well, he is pretty cool. But truthfully, it took a while to piece the story together in his brain, so he didn’t remember his first impression. By the time he made the connection he knew me differently — as a friend.

      Like

  15. Great story. Reminds me in a way of how I met my wife. At work I loved sucking on lemon drops and then crunching them. The noise racket, so to speak of the crunching, drove this woman a few offices away from mad, and she really hated it to the point I found out somehow. Anyway, months later we were dating, and have been married since 1985. So, the morale of the story is this: when I was out looking for dates, nothing happened; but when I started irritating people, I got attention and a soul mate date. Thank you for sharing a great story.

    Like

    • That’s true. Being nice to people is so overrated. Perhaps we should set up an on-line dating service for people to really find their soul mates. We could call it “Pissing Partners” or something like that.

      Like

  16. I thought for SURE you were going to rehabilitate Monte and end up with him in the end. I guess that’s only in the movies – in real life, jerks rarely change.

    Like

  17. I love this. I love that he married you! I once told my husband I wanted to gouge his eyes out with a spoon, and he married me anyway. It seems we all have our skeletons, some a little more horrifying than others! (I think you’re OK.) 🙂

    Like

    • I think your story means that your husband just appreciated how creative you are — I mean seriously. A boring person would have just said “I want to gouge your eyes out.” But you, writer that you are, needed more flair. Well played on the part of your husband, I think!

      Like

  18. Ah, Elyse, I love your humanness, your peace, your tranquility and your wild crazy emotions…

    Like

    • OK, PW. I get the humanness. I get the wild crazy emotions, but where, tell me where, did you see peace or tranquility in this post. I am quite sure I did not mention the moon (although, now that I think of it, I should have responded to Monte by mooning him, but still that is different.)

      🙂

      Like

  19. I did not see where this was going, that it was a story of how you met your husband…what a great story! I love that John actually saw steam come out of your ears and still wanted to be with you. That’s love. My poor husband didn’t see that side of me until after we were married.

    I hate Monte.

    Like

    • John didn’t want to be with me for many many years, actually. Once dementia started, he was OK with me. Then I spent our first date picking warts.

      Don’t be too hard on Monte. He has to live with that name. 😉

      Like

  20. GOF

    No humiliation at all Elyse. I think it’s wonderful that you shared this special story. Always interesting to know how fellow bloggers met their partners.

    Like

    • Thanks GOF.

      I’m only a little bit humiliated by being nasty to the man of my dreams … mostly I love the story. But that year in particular I was so nice that folks tended to throw up upon meeting me. Seriously. You can ask my old roommate, Bonny. She remembers me coming home the night this happened. She frequently wanted to slap me. Somehow we remain friends, but only because I stopped being so damn nice. I shoot way more missiles now!

      Like

  21. I love when I am reading along and the twist to the story makes a perfect ending. Great one. And happy you shared it.

    Like

  22. Can’t add much more to what’s already been said. You have a great story to tell your children and grandchildren…or maybe not! 😉

    Like

  23. OMG I LOVE THIS POST!!!! So funny and a very unexpected twist at the end, did not see it coming =P
    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Like

  24. Fast forward and imagine Monte in the boardroom. Imagine being his assistant. Yikes! We’ve all seen this kind at work. Apparently they are born this way.

    Like

  25. Very cool story. I love to hear these–how people who end up together start off on a rocky path. Someday, when I start a new blog that is not about poop, I will tell my own.

    Like

  26. Great story! And not extremely different from the meeting of me and my girl.
    A great story that deserves to be retold!

    Like

  27. Awww, what a great story. I’ve only ever heard “don’t worry your pretty head about it” used ironically — I don’t know what I’d do if someone said it to me and meant it.

    Like

    • Yes, there aren’t that many jackasses in the world. Well, yes there are, but most of them have learned to be jackasses in different, more PC ways.

      What a turd he was!

      Like

  28. I think I’ve worked with Monte’s twin brother, also in the law. What a great story. John probably walked away from the encounter thinking “that’s a girl who I can respect”, which is where it all starts [blows into her Kleenex].

    Like

    • No, I’m quite sure that John would have liked to push me in front of a car at that point. He came around, though.

      Monte had a twin? Lord God, deliver us from evil. Amen!

      Like

  29. Love and destiny. Who can argue with fate? I enjoyed every bit of your exciting love story. It shows honesty, uniqueness, a thrilling twist that you don’t see in princess-like happily ever after fairy tales. When we are being true to ourselves, that’s when magic…and love begins!

    Like

  30. I agree – Monte gets some credit. Chances are if your husband had any interaction with Monte at all prior to your ‘comment’ – he probably completely agreed with you, and figured you were a very smart woman.

    Like

    • Maybe you’re right. I should unveil Monte’s full name, address and current job, right here on the internet. So that anyone who might Google him would know just what kind of a guy he is. You know, give credit where credit is due…

      Nah. I am still way to nice to do that. Although it is tempting!

      Like

      • I was tempted to do so for my old boss in a post I wrote about how I used to slam the phone down on her…on her voice mail messages, that is. Then just this week, with my worst boyfriends….

        Like

  31. I loved this story! I had no idea the ending was coming. I love happy surprises. Talk about strong first impressions! My first impression of Jim was, “oh, who was that weird but gorgeous guy sniffing all the candles…”

    Like

    • It is my very favorite of all the stories I have told so many times that I needed to start a blog so that people who actually know me won’t kill me if I tell it just one more time.

      Like

  32. That’s a great “How we met” story. Monte should have been in your wedding party. 😉

    Like

  33. The surprise twist to the story was just that … a surprise. So, is this the first time you have given Monte credit for the initial meeting with your husband? (I say as I’m running away as fast as I can.)

    Like

    • Oh, Frank, you are cruel.

      Generally I will admit that an old boyfriend introduced us. That gets folks wondering enough (only later do I say, no, I’d broken up with the old guy 4 years before John and I started dating).

      But Monte? It’s a wonder he didn’t ruin the whole thing!

      Like

  34. Monte was an Azzhat. You were without doubt very kind. I am surprised your husband remembered you single impropriety all those years later, what a memory.

    Like

    • Ahhhh, I had written a whole interesting response and then poof, it was gone!

      I was very young and very flirtatious. It was really easy being nice, as the folks were young, too, nervous, and well, just in need of a helping hand. They were nice to me, too, and I have many friends from that era.

      As for John, well he remembers everything. He is positively brilliant, which is often really cool and equally often incredibly annoying! But he is a good guy, and I’m generally glad I didn’t hit him with any of those missiles!

      Like

  35. John has nowhere to hide, you know. Sorry, John.

    What a wonderful story about how you two met. Life is twisted and warped and diabolically humorous sometimes. How delightful that you have had the privilege of carrying this story all these years, and that you’ve decided to share it with us today. It beats “we met at a bar over drinks” any day of the week. Truth can be deliciously hilarious. At least, when you’re the one doing the writing. Fun struff, and thanks for sharing!

    I was going to say something about Monte’s testicles needing to be removed, but bigsheepcommunications already covered that territory. My version was intended to be a little less polite, but I’ve leave it alone out of respect for your readers. Still, I can’t help envisioning ….

    “He deserved that name.”
    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    Like

    • You know, I bet that name is responsible for him being such a jerk. Oh, that and coming from parents who would name him that.

      And, yes, I love the story. It is the only one of my stories that my husband doesn’t leave the room upon the 100th recitation!

      Thanks for the comments. And I had lost your blog — glad to find you again. Thanks Word Press (:()

      Like

      • Same thing has happened to me with several blogs, and I’m always delighted when someone comments and then I get to “find” them all over again.

        Great story.

        Please don’t get me started on men who disrespect women. I once worked for a guy who actually had the nerve to tell me a “funny joke” about a woman with big bazookas, as he was staring at my big bazookas. Something along the lines of women with big bazookas never needing to work. As if owning our own personal flotation devices automatically filled our bank account. (Obviously he failed to see the irony behind his train of thought, considering that I worked for him at the time. Then again, he was incapable of any mental heavy lifting anyway, so it wasn’t like I was surprised. Just annoyed, and definitely NOT amused).

        Please, don’t get me started. Really.

        Like

        • Oh, Lord. Those men who don’t know any better than to stare at your boobs. I must have used this line a thousand times: “Um, my eyes are higher up!” (On occasion, I might have added more colorful terms, but I wouldn’t swear to it.)

          Like

  36. Now after reading this post of your s I can proudly say my post got its worth. What a lovely story! But let me tell you, you really fired missiles that day. 🙂 These memories are priceless, I am sure just must be thanking you for giving him such a wonderful moment. You both are made for each other. Lots of good wishes for both of you. 🙂

    Like

  37. Well done. I assume Monte holds some political office now, or married Anne Coulter…they would deserve each other….

    Like

    • Oh what a wonderful image, Cooper. Perfect. No, Monte does not hold any political office today, he’s just a lawyer. And likely a Republican. But I’d bet he’s still a twit.

      He was married to a really nice woman. I would bet he is divorced by now, though.

      Like

  38. Hi,
    What a fantastic story. Monte sounds like one of those people that always thinks they are better than anyone else, and of course their way is always right. I would of had steam coming out of my ears as well. 😀

    I love the way you met your husband, that is priceless. 🙂

    Like

    • Absolutely, Mags. Monte thought he was smarter than anyone else. He wasn’t. There were a few much smarter than him — and I married one of them!

      Like

  39. I had a professor in college who would deliver his lectures always punctuating the highlights of his lectures with “to know is to control.” I learned along the way, he was right. I didn’t like not knowing, and I didn’t like feeling out of control. Such a memorable ending for you, Elyse.

    Like

    • Yes, Monte was a control freak. AND a jerk!

      This is probably my favorite story. It still cracks me up. And thinking about Monte’s attitude still makes me steam.

      Like

  40. Monte, the information hoarder, was no doubt the kid at the playground screaming…”it’s mine”, “it’s mine!” So glad the story had such a happy ending.

    Like

    • I’m pretty sure that he’s still somewhere screaming Mine! And who knows, maybe in the intervening 35 years he has learned how to treat women. Somehow, though, I doubt it.

      Like

  41. Hahaha. We all have an evil side if someone pushes the right buttons.

    Like

  42. I loved this. I had no idea that was coming.

    Great story, and Monte was a shithead although I probably shouldn’t worry my pretty little head over it.

    Like

  43. bigsheepcommunications

    I think if Monte made it through law school without being castrated, then really you were much nicer than you had to be ; )

    Like

Play nice, please.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s