Reese’s and The American Psyche
Political life in America is an Easter Basket.
You see, with an Easter Basket, you’ve got a running shot at picking what you like. And I think that life is just like that. You get good candies and bad, and sometimes even a toy or two — that special something. Of course, there are always candies you hate – circus peanuts, for example have no place in an Easter Basket.
But here in the DC area, well, things are different. Here, Easter Baskets are controlled by the government. And you can tell because Easter Baskets are brimming with that well-known symbol of the U.S. Constitution, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Here is a sample of an Easter Basket in the DC area:
Yup, this is the DC area. So all you get is Reese’s. Why? Civics. Let me take you back to 7th Grade Civics (Thanks Mrs. Ganley!)
A Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup represents the three branches of the government established under Articles I, II and III of the Constitution: The Legislative, The Executive and The Judicial branches. And they are all here, in DC. And they all stick in your craw. Peanut butter tends to do that.
Article I sets up the Legislative Branch (that’s why they think they’re special – it’s like being the eldest child). The Lege is the thick, sticky peanut butter middle of the Reese’s Cup. These days it is so dense, especially since the Republicans took the House, that nothing can penetrate it. It can be broken, it can be consumed (usually by itself) and it can be cut, but only with a very sharp a knife or bad press. It moves more slowly than molasses, and sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Article II gave us the Executive Branch: That’s the chocolaty outsides of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Unlike the insides of the Cup, the outside changes, sometimes due to political pressure, also known as heat. It melts. It freezes. It peels off. It tries to mix with the Peanut Butter insides, but the Peanut Butter part of the Cup resists; it says “No, I will not mix with you. My components must stay true to our peanut buttery-ness. No chocolate can be inside.”
Lastly, Article III spawned the Judiciary Branch. This Branch is represented by the paper outsides of the Reese’s Cup. So naturally, it is the Supreme Court that really holds the chocolate and peanut butter together. In order to get to the chocolaty/peanut buttery goodness, the Judiciary Branch must be strip searched; whether it has done anything wrong or not. Even the Justices need to live under the draconian legal precedents they spew.
From here Life gets a little bit confusing. The Vice President is well, Vice President. He is considered part of the chocolaty outsides of the Reese’s Cup. BUT, the Vice President is ALSO President of the Senate — he is just like Certs: two mints in one in our Easter Basket!
Yup that means that the VP is the tie-breaker in the Senate, which is why there is never a 50-50 stalemate. So Vice President Biden is not Certs. He is, in fact, the human equivalent of Reese’s Pieces.
Now there are other parts of the Easter Basket that really represents life in this country. The grass, the jelly beans, the chocolate eggs. The real, hard-boiled, colored eggs.
And there are of course, Peeps. They are always underrepresented in Easter Baskets. That is because so few of them vote.
Because it’s time to organize.
But when the take-over happens, just make sure it’s not these peeps:
On this historic day, otherwise known as Wednesday, 19 of your favorite humor bloggers are staging a WordPress coup. We have banded together to address the important topic:
Better Living Through Reese’s Peanut Butter Cupss
Yes, you read that right. Your eyes are fine. Well, they may not be fine – I really don’t know. But it does say “19 of your favorite humor bloggers” (or who SHOULD be your favorite bloggers). We are all presenting the same topic, each from his or her particularly unique perspective.
Why this topic? Why now?
Click on the Reese’s Pieces links to gobble up the entire, yummy bag of 19 posts.
Photos from Google Images (except the Reese’s Basket)