I’ve had a house full of folks here for Thanksgiving for most of the week. So I’ve been doing a whole lot of cooking. Tonight, however, I’m taking it easy. I bought a frozen lasagna, and not long ago, I turned over the box to read the directions. Basically, I needed to know how long and at what temperature to cook it. What other information do you think I’d need?
Apparently, our friends at Stouffer’s thought I needed more. Apparently, they think that the straight jacket has just been removed from my torso. Apparently they think that I need careful guidance in frozen Lasagna-making.
So I guess it is a good thing that the box gave me the most complete pre-cooking instructions I could wish for:
Preheat oven to 400° F
Do not exceed 400° F
Pull tab from short side of package and remove perforated strip.
Remove tray from box.
Now, I know that some people are better cooks than others, but if you can’t figure out that you need to open the package and take the entree out before you start cooking your frozen dinner, well then, maybe you need something more than a frozen dinner.
Maybe you need a drink.
FiftyFourandAHalf 
Just when you think your job is challenging… could you imagine being responsible for writing the directions? Remember the woman who sued Mcdonalds after she spilled her coffee in her lap leaving the drive thru? Yep. The cup didn’t say “contents are hot”.
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Actually I have had to write step by step instructions for companies to follow in order to comply with regulations. And you’re right it is tricky.
But funny thing. When I first read this comment, I had just carried a hot cup of coffee across a parking lot and spilled it on my right hand. So I moped up a bit and switched the cup to my left, where I promptly spilled it. But, because of that woman, I did not get 3rd degree burns on my hands. Most lawsuits that sound stupid are in fact stupid. But companies need to use common sense, too. The poor old woman got 3rd degree burns in her crotch because they kept the coffee hot enough to reduce cleaning. Yuck and ouch.
Now on to your 3rd comment!
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As Paprika noted above, the instructions also contained a “recommendation” to use pot holders while taking the lasagna from the oven! But you’re right — it was so cheesy and delicious looking that I considered stickin’ my face down in the bubbling cheese and sauce. Well, that’s what I would have done, ifIwerebrave!
Thanks for your comment!
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I just hope you read the warning about hot food being able to burn you. Otherwise, you might have rubbed it all over your face, and then where would you be? 😉
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No shame in frozen food. You’re right though, there is some shame if you can’t figure out how to prepare it. Certainly there is a “strongest survive” Darwin theory intertwined in here somewhere.
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It’s probably just as well that Darwin is dead. I’d hate to think of the theory he’d come up with if he read these instructions …
I actually put a better example of stupid instructions in an early blog piece: https://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2011/06/05/manitoba-bound/ . It’s still one of my favorites.
Thanks for stopping by!
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Humorous look at the sad world of CYA that directions have to follow. At least it didn’t say DO NOT EAT THE BOX OR TAB … Yep, we recall a pepperoni package that said something about not eating the wrapping.
Happy you had a good Thanksgiving.
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Thanks — I hope you enjoyed yours as well.
CYA packaging is one of my favorite topics — my first “humor” piece was about it — it’s still one of my favs: https://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2011/06/05/manitoba-bound/
I never cease to wonder at how dumb some folks can be! Of course not YOU or ME or anyone reading this ….
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To cover or not, that’s a good question. To take it out of the wax box? Not so hard to figure out! And YOU were my mystery reader! Thanks for coming back.
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Reading this instructions can be challenging. Should I remove the cover or not? Should I heat it longer or not? Easy but hard. Whew! A very enjoyable post. Thanks….
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To the new mystery commenter:
HI and welcome — I saw your comment, hit “approve” and your comment vanished. Perhaps I needed better instructions! But I cannot find you (I want to check out your blog, too). Come back, come back!
Word Press is really messin’ with my mind!
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I’m still chuckling! So funny.
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Thanks Georgette! Isn’t it amazing what dopes they think we are…
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Delajus,
WordPress won’t let me answer your second comment above about eating cookie dough. I’m guilty too — and I pretty much don’t see any point in BAKING the dough — it’s much better raw. But to my sadness, I have not passed this on to my son.
John is paranoid about eggs and samonella. I like raw dough and runny eggs. Sue me. On Wednesday I was making pumpkin apple muffins for the hoards who arrived later on. I offered some to Jacob, who responded, “No, Mom. I don’t want to get emphysemia from the raw eggs.” In spite of my guarantee that he wouldn’t, I couldn’t get him to stick his grimy finger in the bowl. Oy oy oy. I am a failure as a mother.
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Thanks Lori. My holiday was great — and busy! Hope yours was especially fun with your husband back at home! And we should cut Alan a break — after all, he was by himself for several months and did not ignite!
I am always picking on stupid things, though, and it’s because I deal with litigation. Here is one of my old pieces that sums it up:
Happy Leftover Sunday.
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Elyse!
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!
Sooooo, Alan asked me the other night whilst putting a Papa Murphy’s pizza into bake, “Do I keep it on the cardboard?”
Maybe people who really cook need those extra thorough instructions on the easy bake items?
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Funny! Have you seen Brain Regan do the pop tarts directions.
Classic.
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That was brilliant — thanks for the clip! Glad nobody wants poptarts for breakfast. Or EVER in my house!
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I love Brian Regan!
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Thanks for the great laugh. There’s that saying, “and they breed!” Lets hope not, eh?
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Let’s absolutely hope not! But you know, that may just be an aussie saying!
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I am recovering from a houseful of guests also. We are living off of leftovers because if I have to fire up the oven one more time I might have another hot flash.
Today another round of guests came and I almost wanted to pretend we were not home. But we were here and it was lovely and now they are gone and I am pouring a glass of wine.
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That’s a great line — if I have to fire up the oven one more time I might have another hot flash. So, I think this calls for more than a glass!
Hooray for the Holidays. I think!
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I “baked” a Mrs. Smith’s pie for the holiday. I found the instructions to be as explicit as the ones you encountered on the lasagna. Did your box instruct you to use oven mitts when removing the item from the oven? Phew, if they hadn’t reminded me, I might have grabbed the pie bare-handed.
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YES!!! I was annoyed that I had posted too quickly and hadn’t mentioned that. Thanks for giving me my second wind! What sort of dumbbells do they think we are? Oy vey!
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Well, I don’t know. Some of us are dumbbells and likely to stay that way. To my shame, I used several “rolls” of Pillsbury cookie dough over the Thanksgiving holiday. On every “roll” there were several warnings, in large, bold lettering, absolutely begging me (the consumer) not to consume the cookie dough RAW. Are they kidding? Sure the raw eggs can kill me . . . but do they really think that’s going to stop me? Hell no! Not after all these years!
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ha ha ha That is so funny.
I like when instructions for things have been translated somewhere east of Bumblef—k, and the translator…”she no speakie english….” some really funny things.
Enjoy your LIGHT meal with or without the cardboard packaging. ha ha ha
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I think I’ll be making my own from now on. At least the recipes don’t make me feel like a dope!
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So true, so true
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Thanks for stopping by. I feel much better after a glass of wine!
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They most likely had to write all that because at one point in time, someone actually put it in the oven in the box, right? Someone’s oven probably started on fire and they blamed it on Stouffer’s because the instructions didn’t tell them to take the pan out of the box. Such a sad state of affairs.
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This piece is a “small tasty meal,” which is exactly what I was looking for after all the over-indulging I did over the Holiday! Thanks for the laugh, Elyse!
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You’re welcome! I can’t wait for the instructions for dessert — it’s ice cream.
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