An End To Your Pain

As the blogosphere’s most acclaimed fake medical expert, today I am writing to tell you how you can easily and cheaply eliminate your chronic pain.

You’re welcome.

You see, a new study of 1,500 people found that pop music was the most effective pain reliever.  Not classical.  Not Rock.  Not Indie.  Pop music.  Not drugs.

According to this article in an online publication I’ve never heard of before, the best songs to ease your aching back are, in this order:

Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon & Garfunkel

Angels by Robbie Williams

Albatross by Fleetwood Mac

Candle in the Wind by Elton John

Easy by The Commodores

So there you go.   Have a nice, pain free weekend.

You’re welcome.

70 Comments

Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Health and Medicine, Mental Health, Taking Care of Each Other

70 responses to “An End To Your Pain

  1. Now this is pain blocking I like!

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  2. I think there’s something to this. I feel better when I sing certain songs. I wonder how they did this study? Of all possible songs, why these? How did they test reduction in pain? Just the curious sort…though I’ll admit, I didn’t link to the online article from the source you never heard of before.

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  3. So how many of these songs do you like, and how many does John like?

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  4. Sounds much better than a visit to the doctor 😉

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  5. As someone suffering from chronic pain, I suspect that it’s more about focusing on something other than the pain that brings about the relief. Songs that you love, that make you stop and sing along, that make you feel good, take you outside of the pain, making you focus on the words/music, rather than the pain.

    It’s a common practice for pain management, to find something to keep your mind busy, so you’re not thinking about the pain. But, it’s not just doing ‘busy work’… it is more about things that make you lose track of time, those things that really bring joy to you — for some, it’s the joy of reading, for others it’s a hobby like photography, or crafts, or writing — many writers and poets use their writing as a way to escape the pain. So, hearing that music helps too, is no surprise to me… I know that when I’m home, at my desk, my favorite music is always on, and, it does help me feel more relaxed and I don’t notice my pain as much.

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    • I absolutely agree, John. I just found it amusing that they decided what we should all listen to to make the hurt go away. S&G I’ll go along with, but the Commodores?

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  6. My pop’s music was more along the line of The Blue Danube. That soothes me.

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  7. Snoring Dog Studio

    Well, you didn’t include anything by Yanni or John Tesch, so I feel better already. Frankly, almost anything by Macklemore distracts me from discomfort – and in a good way.

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  8. This couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve had a flareup but now I know what to do instead of getting my scripts filled.

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  9. Wait. Are you saying I didn’t NEED the hip replacement? Who know all I needed was an ITunes account. 😉

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  10. Okay. NOW I’m in agony….
    Some Green Day please…STAT!

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  11. Who needs controlled substances when…

    Appreciate the scholarly citations. 🙂

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  12. That’s interesting. I was just reading today that the FDA is considering making Candle In The Wind a Schedule II melody.

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  13. Huh.
    I always go for “Born to Run” when my back hurts. Then I realize that I am lucky not to be running, not to be riding on suicide machines……. But when I have a migraine, I definitely go for John Denver and “Rocky Mountain High”. Medication, right?

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    • It is absolutely medication. Music really does help with pain, whether physical or emotional pain. That’s why every civilization on earth has music. It is vital.

      Of course, not all of them like the Commodores …

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  14. Maybe Fleetwood, maybe, perhaps, possibly if I were doing deep breathing exercises while being exfoliated with sugar, followed by a coating of chocolate after which I was licked……oh wait that was a different answer, never mind.

    No, my back is in seizure mood just thinking about this.

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  15. Interesting. While I accept your claim as fake medical expert I feel I must refute this proposition. I don’t mind Faith No More’s version of ‘easy’ (in its context in their head banging album), and I do have a play list called ‘cannula music’ to help at hospitals (it is full of Frank Zappa to relax my veins), but the only way I could feel better listening to ‘candle in the wind’ is with a belly full of oxycodone. Actually no, even the oxy wouldn’t help. Maybe some propanol.

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    • You know, I never have thought about bringing music to the hospital. I’m pretty old school. I used to watch Love Boat and Charlie’s Angels. Seriously. I should have gotten sick in a more lyrical time …

      But propofol, Yeah.

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  16. If you listen to pop music with your pop while drinking pop does that triple your pain relief?

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  17. I might listen to the Fleetwood Mac one. I’ll try anything (except Candle in the Wind)

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    • Funny thing. Candle in the Wind has excessive warnings on its professional labeling ever since Elton John used it to ulogize Princess Diana. Go figure.

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  18. Tex Arty

    Medical expert! Wow! I qualify as chronic pain in the… back patient so I gave it a shot but the Med’s my other Medical expert prescribed works best. 🙂
    Incidentally, I am amazed by your ability to assemble words brilliantly and entertaining and although I prefer you’re Posts on Politics, you make whatever you write about most interesting.
    Enjoy your day.

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    • Careful now, I’m a FAKE medical expert. Nevertheless, I am going to take your incredibly nice comment and smile throughout the weekend just thinking about it.

      Hope you have a nice one, too, Tex.

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  19. What do you recommend for the nausea caused by listening to those songs? I guess it’s a partial win because my back doesn’t hurt, but still…

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    • It is comparable to the stomach upset known to be caused by all FDA-approved remedies. Including Pop. As for easing the pain in your back, I take 85% credit; had I sung one of these songs to you, I would have collected the other 15%.

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      • So we can expect a CD collection soon?

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        • I could put together a compilation, but I’m afraid I won’t be singing on it. I destroyed my once impressive voice yelling for my dog many years ago. the world, of course, is a sadder place. Filled with chronic pain that wasn’t there before I lost my incredibly soothing singing voice.

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  20. So, in your expert opinion, which of these songs is best for my headache?

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  21. Not the songs I was expecting… I was thinking it has to be something like Miley or Ke$ha or Bieber: you listen to it for an hour, and your brain stops functioning and stops receiving any signals from the nervous system; ergo – no pain.

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  22. bigsheepcommunications

    Maybe this is really like dropping something heavy on your toe to distract yourself from a painful headache.

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  23. I’m sorry, but ‘Candle in the Wind’ is likely to increase my pain, not decrease it. Though I do believe in the power of music, in this case, I think one man/woman’s pain reliever could be another one’s inducer…

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  24. I thought “When The Saints Go Marching In” was always supposed to be on these lists.
    And I think Bridge Over Troubled Water is a more…final “end the pain” kind of song.

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    • I don’t know, Guap. When they play that song, isn’t your pain supposed to be “finally at an end” as in you’re dead?

      Or that may be just my recollection from when I was taking piano lessons, playing that song repeatedly, while my husband was wishing me dead. One of the two.

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