Sunday mornings in my house growing up were dedicated to the Sunday Funnies, the comics, in the Bridgeport Post. While my dad always tried to convince me that Lil’ Abner was funny (it wasn’t), I loved Ripley’s Believe it or Not! I read it faithfully, for years.
It’s been years since I read it though. I chalk it up to reading the news online instead of on paper. The Funnies are not as easy to find online.
But just today, the Funnies made it to the “Real News”! Or it should have. You see, this story is A FRONT-PAGE-WORTHY story. A Believe it or NOT! classic.
Bigfoot Porn Has Become A Major Controversy In A U.S. House Race. Seriously.
Sigh.
In my adopted home state of Virginia, in the 5th Congressional District which includes Charlottesville, the GOP recently put forth Denver Riggleman to run for Congress. This change occurred when the incumbent, Republican Rep. Tom Garrett, retired following allegations that he and his wife made his staff do menial tasks including walking the couple’s dog.
But with Riggleman, the fur really starts to fly. You see, he, ummm, put his Big Foot in his mouth with his Instagram account:
That question has been inspired by Leslie Cockburn, a Democrat who’s running for Congress in Virginia’s 5th District. On Twitter this Sunday, Cockburn accused her Republican opponent, Denver Riggleman, of being a “devotee of Bigfoot erotica.” Her tweet included a crudely drawn image of Bigfoot — with the monster’s genitalia obscured — taken from Riggleman’s Instagram account. She added, “This is not what we need on Capitol Hill.”
After showing that image, I promise to not comment on the Democratic candidate’s name. I promise. Anybody got any duct tape??????
I agree that we don’t really need someone in the United States Congress who believes in Big Foot but not climate change. Who doesn’t realize that this is not an issue that Virginians care about. Who believes that there are women who want Big Foot — although if it weren’t for the small hands, that might explain Trump’s allure.
So, My Fellow Americans, in 2018 we find ourselves as a nation drawn into the Sunday Funnies. Into Ripley’s Believe it or NOT!
I can’t wait to hear how the Evangelicals will spin this one!
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I’m (almost) speechless. Just when you think politics can’t get any crazier! Not that I don’t love a good Bigfoot porn story, but really…. you would think Washington has a little more than a Yeti’s package to think about these days.
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If only that was all we had to worry about!
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If there’s Bigfoot porn, there must be Bigfoot pornstars, and I have to wonder how many of them our president is paying off to keep quiet.
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Michel Avenatti, I look forward to your comment on this subject!
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A devotee of Bigfoot erotica? Maybe the old days were better, when we didn’t text or tweet EVERY thought that crossed our minds. This guy needs the duct tape, to bind his fingers together. 🙂
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Yes! It’s not something I had thought of before … but it’s hard to UNthink it!
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Once again we have to ask ourselves: what the HELL does the Onion write about these days???
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😂🤣 I know. Those poor folks. The absurdities are all in the regular news.
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You can’t make this shiz up. Jeez, Louise.
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Nobody would believe you if you did!
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It isn’t what we need from the hill… but it is what I expect we are going to get… sigh…
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🙃
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ha
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The most ironic thing about it is that The National Enquirer (owned by Twitler pal David Pecker) will be the only outlet not reporting this story.
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🤣😂🤣😂
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Denver Riggleman even sounds pervy. I read about this on Twitter yesterday, and I was moved to wax poetically….
I know that it seems rather petty,
To point out what makes one hot and sweaty,
But you have to admit,
That it’s some strange shit,
If what gets your rocks off is a yeti.
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You are gifted
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Who names their kid ‘Denver’? What pretentious clap.
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Perhaps his mother once saw Big Foot’s probates while in that city …
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Well , the issue is Big Foots privates… that is brought forth by D candidate COCK burn.. * sigh * * hangs head *
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I know. There are some things you just can’t make up.
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I think candidate Cockburn should get Fearless Fosdick to investigate this particular Big Foot sighting.
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That might work!
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Geesuuss. What next? Too funny for words and so outrageous.
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A whole ‘nuther level of crazy!
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That’s easy … the Evangelicals will justify it by citing Bill Clinton with Monica and the others.
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Monica had less hair 😏
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