Yes, I realize that it’s been a while since I granted you all the benefits of my fake medical expert advice. Sorry.
It’s just that poop news has been rather crappy lately. What’s a specialist to do?
So for this post, I’m going to go out on a ledge. Write what I don’t know. Venture into a whole ‘nuther area of specialization. I feel qualified because this area of specialty is in the same, errrr, ball park. Geographically speaking. Certainly based on adolescent conversation, anyway.
You see, I read an article recently that inspired me to post after a pretty long hiatus
Doctors warn women against putting wasp nests in their vaginas
Now I don’t know about you, but this particular insert isn’t one I’ve personally ever considered. Maybe I’m just weird.
To be fair to the women who have done this mind-bending medical procedure, the procedure does not involve vaginal insertion of a wasp nest that looks like this one, with buzzing wasps going in and out:
On the other hand, maybe something buzzing and going in and out is the whole idea behind the procedure. But I digress.
Actually, the procedure involves ground up wasp eggs called “galls.”
These are Oak leaf “galls” in case you want to make your own.
Galls are wasp larvae, left on the bottoms of oak leaves. They are ground up and inserted into the vagina to tighten it and to cleanse it. Okay …
As a fake medical expert, I think I can safely say that this sounds like a particularly shitty idea.
You know, it never occurred to me that there might be a need to warn women to not put wasp nests, even ground up wasp nests, into their vaginas.
Then again, I never thought it would be necessary to tell women to not vote for a man who believed he could grab their vagina because he was famous, either.
My bad.
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The wasp thing reminds me of a bad joke:
A man goes to his doctor and says he was stung by a bee… on his penis… then asks his doctor if he can get rid of the pain, but not the swelling.
HA!
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Hahaha … you’d think it would be his wife asking to keep the swelling.
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I think that was implied… or he wasn’t married but wanted to be
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Just when you think you’ve seen everything…. Thanks for sharing more proof that we the people are bat-sh*t crazy.
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And, if you try this, likely quite uncomfortable!
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Lord have mercy and I am waspless- er I mean speechless. I would not put it past quite a few women who would try this. I heard of one woman that was told by a friend to use shaving cream as a lubricant prior to sex. I heard it through the grape vine that the woman was hoping and jumping from the stinging and burning sensation from the shaving cream. I bet her friend laughed her ass off. Last I heard the two were no longer on speaking terms.
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I can hear my mother now: “if your friend told you to jump off a bridge …”. Wonder if it was mentholated shaving cream …
I tell you, stupidity is on the rise everywhere but Word Press!
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Hee-hee. Yes stupidity is on the rise, I imagine the cream was the menthoaated vaaroty since is has a burnig sensation when applied uderarms and legs.
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Hahaha.
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I can’t even with this planet anymore.
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Well that was unexpected! But, I mean based on what the average A&E room has to remove from varying cavities, I think ground-up-anything is the least of doctors’ concerns – better a nest than a remote, y’know?
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How did I miss your hilarious comment? So sorry. But I must say the idea of a ground up remote doesn’t sound terribly appealing either.
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To be fair, there are a lot to choose from in this thread so don’t worry about it! Yeah, I don’t envy A&E. I think you have to have one hell of a constitution to not laugh and/or throw up at some of the things that arrive, buzzing or otherwise!
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Somehow wasp eggs in vaginas doesn’t surprise me. After the last 6 months of politics, anything seems possible. The world has changed so much that I’ve started noticing the tabloid headlines at Walmart and wondering if they could be true. ET’s in the White House basement? (Nah. He would have spilled the beans on Twitter by now.) But almost anything else seems possible. It is a golden age for political cartoonists. (Or maybe an orange age.)
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I know. I used to think people were inherently smart. Not any more.
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This should be a warning to men, too, to check to see what’s in there before they stick something up there.
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Ouch!
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Somehow I think the men interested in women who do that, and the women themselves, both deserve what they get.
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Such a stinging reply.
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You are the king of puns.
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Speechless….ok, I’m summon up a few words. I think there are (but don’t really know!) surgical options to “snug up” the nether regions.
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And lobotomies for those who really think it’s necessary!
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I’m really glad no one warned me about this when I was young. It would have skewed my understanding of humanity so badly I might never have recovered.
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It’s true. Keep this blog post away from all young girls. If my mother had heard of this, I would likely be a nun.
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Hmmmm…just thinking…perhaps it is those women who have had their vagina grabbed by 45 that came up with the wasp in the vagina thing. It would be wonderful if the next time he grabbed a woman in the vagina if he was swarmed by angry wasps. It makes for a compelling case for wasps in the vagina.
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I am willing … only under those circumstances, however.
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I kept waiting for the political dig. I was patient. I knew it could drop at any moment. There it is!
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Of course it’s there. On the other hand I’ve been so disgusted/depressed about the Orange Menace That I haven’t been able to write. So I have spared you my angst/anger. You’re welcome.
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Rise above you’re disgust. If you walk around depressed all day, he’s won. You don’t want that, do you?
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😳
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Your disgust. Not you are disgust. That’s what I get for using Google swype keyboard.
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This is as brilliant as eating glitter to make you poop shiny (No joke. It’s a thing).
But now I know what those pods are on the undersides of oak leaves. Thanks!
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How did I miss sparkle poop?
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You made that up, Barb. Admit it. There’s no way that can be a real…never mind. I just remembered – people.
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😂💩
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Elyse you are such a selfless humanitarian. I was just on my way to my wasp nest insertion procedure when I saw your cautionary post in the nick of time. Whew!
Guess I’ll have to stick with getting my buzzing/in-and-out action the old fashioned way.
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We all have our crosses to bear, Barb!
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Is Gywneth Paltrow promoting this on Goop??????? Laughing, but she probably is…..
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Probably. Along with her jade eggs. What a silly woman!
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Omg you made my day. Lmao my bad.
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Laughing at it is good. Trying it? Oh no …
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“On the other hand, maybe something buzzing and going in and out is the whole idea behind the procedure.”
Best line ever Elyse!!!
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😂
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Good grief. I saw the headline and figured it was a National Enquirer article, or some such nonsense. People have forgotten about common sense, haven’t they? And as to facts, who knows? Scientists don’t really know more than I do about stuff, do they? Maybe wasps in the vagina are a good thing…
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At least according to the doctor, wasps in the vagina are NOT a good thing. In fact, according to her nothing that stings is good! Still, there are folks who just won’t listen. I’m sure even a nature lover like you will, though, Melanie!
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Wow. I am glad I read about this here! It is no doubt gonna come up in clinic tomorrow at least twice…
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Take photos of the women, please, when it does!
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Promise that I will not try this.
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I can’t tell you how relieved I am, Frank.
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After all, I don’t want you to worry.
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😅
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I would like to know who was the first person who thought, “Maybe I’ll stick those wasp larva up my twat.”
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Inquiring minds want to know!
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She was probably related to the guy who first decided to open a bees nest and eat the goo inside.
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Oh man, I can’t even. Sounds like something Gwyneth Paltrow is pushing. Along with her vaginal jade eggs. 🥚🥚🥚
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I know! I cringe now whenever I hear her voice, and when I look at her I wonder what she has in her hoo-ha now!
I wonder if wasps even like jade …
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Ha! Thanks for the laugh-out-loud. 😁
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Any time. Or at least once a month at the rate I am blogging!
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To tell the truth, if I knew Twitler was nearby and allergic to wasp stings, I would encourage every woman nearby to insert a wasp nest in her vagina.
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Hahahahahaha.
Yes, I would too. And I wouldn’t bother with the ground up wasp eggs, either. I’d make sure they were mad as hell.
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And how ironic would it be if his demise was caused by WASPs?
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