I’ve been explaining to Duncan for weeks, that starting today, April 27, 2016, he is a grownup dog. That means no more stealing shoes (always mine), no more stealing socks (usually Jacobs and always dirty), and no more poop eating.
Because today is Duncan’s 2nd Birthday.
Oh GROW UPPPPPPPP, Duncan!
Duncan in Jacob’s Man Cave
So far today, he stole my boot, lunged for a pile of horse poop — Mom was too fast for you today! — and stole a clean sock from the basket as I took a load of laundry out of the dryer. Dogs are gross.
Perhaps I should speak to him in French?
FiftyFourandAHalf 
Aww, what a dignified profile you have – a belated Happy Birthday, Duncan!
PS Two is NOT too old to rebel. Gotta keep your people on their toes!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awww phooey. Being a grown-up means NO MORE POOP EATING??!
Damn, Elyse. Way to take the fun out of everything…
😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh — and happy birthday, Duncan!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Alice. He is login’ it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry. 😏
LikeLike
Oh sure, it’s easy to _say_ you’re sorry, but are you really?!! ARE YOU??!!
I THOUGHT NOT.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😈
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awwwww! Duncan! Who’s a good boy? Are you a good boy? Yes you are! Good boy!
Please rub him vigorously while you tell him I said that. But don’t hug him. I just saw on the news dogs don’t like hugs. Just goes to show you, you can’t trust the news.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You really can’t trust the news. Duncan LOVES hugs. So I was hugging him while delivering your message. I’m afraid he thought it was from me, though!
LikeLike
It really only matters that the message was delivered. I know I sent it, and I would so hug him if I could, and if he would let me!
LikeLiked by 1 person
As long as he could chew your ear … (or eat your poop)
LikeLike
I also have a poop eater. We’ve sectioned off the litter box cause it’s just gross when he cleans it. Blech
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ewwww. Duncs only does it outside. Consuming poo of total strangers … deer, mice, bunnies, horses, whatever. But poop eating is just vile, no matter the source!
When I wrote this post, I really wasn’t expecting it to be another poop post! I should have known.
LikeLike
Dear Duncan,
Congrats on your second, buddy. Lemme give you some advice. Do your stuff when they aren’t looking. Humans have no idea what it’s like to live in the wonderful world of smells, so you just have to humor them. And oh by the way, I’ve found that the best place to bury bones and chew toys is in the corner of a sofa, under the pillow. Stick with me, kid.
Regards,
Winston
LikeLiked by 1 person
He tries, Winston. Mom lets him get away, but Dad is eagle-eyed for transgressions. (I love Winston as a dog name. Our Duncan was not dignified enough for that name!)
LikeLike
My dad used to drive by a house that had a big ol bulldog. He and my kids named that dog Winston. They’d say hi even to Winstons house if he wasn’t out when they drove by.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy Birthday Duncan! Continue to keep your mother on her toes, it’ll keep her young. Socks for everyone!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ooh! I’ll have socks for breskfast!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aussi – bonne fete!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Merci.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Eh chien – ecoute moi, le monsieur Lewin. Elyse est un bon femme et vous etes tres fortunate lui elle. Ne mange pas le merde! Mon ami Art mange le merde. Beaucoup de merde. Tu, chien (s’appelle Duncan) est meilleur q’Art. C’est vrai, mon ami le chien. C’est vrai.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m telling Art.
And my french isn’t so bad that I didn’t get that!
LikeLike
Repetez, toute le monde: l’homme etrange s’appelle Art et un manger de merde vert. Oui, c’est vrai. Le merde vert. Aussi, vive Napoleon et les patates frites.
LikeLiked by 1 person
French is stupid. Dangerous, actually. https://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2012/08/29/french-is-dangerous/
LikeLike
You do make me laugh, Elyse. That was a good one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Les bisous
LikeLike
Poutine!
LikeLiked by 1 person
French fries!
LikeLike
Kibble!
LikeLike
Yuck!
LikeLike
Better than poop
LikeLike
Happy Birthday, Duncan! You’re looking good. Wishing you many more years, lots of socks, and an occasional shoe to top off your poop pudding.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pudding– the perfect description. I do feel silly saying “NO POOP” when I am out walking him. I keep expecting someone to say “isn’t that why you’re here?”
Hope all is well down there! I’m off to Artie’s with a group of folks next week!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Doing well down here–loving it. I actually miss Artie’s. Enjoy!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy Birthday Duncan!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Paul. The birthday boy hasn’t let me get close to my computer until now. He is a demanding master!
LikeLike
My dog is partial to the droppings of Canada geese… never dog pooh, but on occasion I’ve seen her scarf down deer pooh as well… She sneaks it like taking someone’s last potato chip! I swear she knows it’s gross, but can’t resist the stuff! Thank God she’s not a licker, Elyse!
Happy Birthday to Duncan!!!! Too cute!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m not sure if it’s better to not feel alone or to think that all dogs are really gross. Duncan doesn’t go after his own (or other dogs’) but deer, horse, goose, whatever … apparently it is delicious. I’m not gonna try it though.
Duncan IS a kisser. Yuck!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! My dog has never had the opportunity to sample horse pooh… that might be addictive! lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are lots of horses around here. And unlike dog owners, horse owners are allowed to leave their shit everywhere. And they do. 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ever been to Mackinac Island in Michigan? There are so many horses and carriages, they have to spray down the streets constantly. The smell can get overwhelming! And it will splash up on the back of your legs if you’re riding a bike through town – yes, gross!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ewwwwwww. No, it’s not that bad. Just riders on woodland trails. Not bulk horse shit, thank god!
I’ve never actually been to Michigan. And while I’ve always thought that the lake district sounds incredible, you will not be getting a job with the Michigan tourist board.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not into the “Pure Michigan” ads?! It really is a beautiful state! I’ve skied up there many times, and used to sail on the lakes in a prior life!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’ what I’ve heard! It looks lovely. Not at all filled with horse poop like in your earlier description.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really, Mackinac Island is beautiful too! If you are familiar with the old movie “Somewhere In Time,” it was filmed there. My daughter and I stayed at The Grand Hotel a couple of summers ago. Cherished memories…. except for the HORSESHIT! Haha!
LikeLike
Puppy Cody thinks the bunnies leave all those “presents” just for her. She tries to eat every single one – actually, she looks like a pig snuffling for truffles. I’ve given up trying to stop her, and the vet says so long as she has all her shots, it’s probably not a problem. Puppy Cody is 2-1/2. Some things they just don’t grow out of, sorry to say.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, Duncan has that look about him too! Not an attractive look unless one IS producing the truffles! Sigh.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nearly seven, Logan has mastered the evasive art of eating his own poop. I have tried every trick in the book (you know, that book) and he still out maneuvers me. Some species eat their young. I guess what Logan does pales in comparison. He has, however, abandoned shoes and socks. I consider this outcome a draw.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I thought I wrote the book on poop, but apparently there is more than one book on poop.
We’re pretty neurotic about cleaning up Duncan’s poop, so he won’t get THAT opportunity! But since I let him run in the woods, I’m pretty sure this wildlife poop will be a perpetual problem.
He is awfully cute though.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Some breeds take 3-5 years to grow out of puppyhood. And they never stop eating poop. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Duncs is middle-to large, so he should be a grown up now. Please???
LikeLike
Actually, Duncan is now a teenager in dog years, so I’d say things are going to get worse before they get better.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh shit. Actually that is the part that’s getting worse 😦
LikeLike
Happy Birthday, Duncan! It seems you get a free pass to try one of mom’s shoes instead of a sock.
LikeLiked by 1 person
He actually did this morning. He takes my hiking boots onto his bed and cuddles with them. It would be adorable except they get all wet. Luckily, he doesn’t chew them, just slobbers …
LikeLike
I must have picked up his vibes … and at least he favored cuddling over chewing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am very lucky. So far.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Two already? Wow. Of course, at the moment, I have no sense of time. Happy Birthday, Duncan!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know. It’s in the kids that we really see the passage of time!
LikeLike
Happy Birthday, Duncan! I think you should get a birthday cake. Maybe a sock with caked on dirt will do. Yum!
LikeLike
Well, it was a rainy morning. And he did lick the mud off of my hiking boot (one hiking boot, not two, mind you). So I think he was thinking along these lines.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My dog has never stolen or chewed socks and shoes, thankfully, but she does enjoy deer poop. She is a puppy in an 8 1/2 year old dog’s body and the poop snacks will never end. 😦
LikeLike
Is there an “NO I DON’T LIKE THIS COMMENT” button???? Seriously, I was hoping he’d grow out of it. But no matter how closely i look at your comment, that’s not what it says!
I read recently that sometimes it is a vitamin deficiency, so I started giving him doggy vitamins.
It is SOOOOOO gross!
He doesn’t eat my shoes or swallow the socks, so he has that going for him. He just cuddles with them. And gets them rather wet!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had a roommate back in the 90’s – we both had dogs, mine was significantly older and, of course, more mature. My roommate owned 200 pairs of shoes. I owned 8 pairs. Her dog ate each and every one of my shoes and left her 200 pairs unscathed. Maybe Duncan needs his own shoes….haha. There is no telling with dogs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ouch! The stories of what the dog I had when I was in my 20s ate are funnier than what Duncan eats. It makes me feel old and not funny.
The best was when Goliath ate a whole box of Lindt truffles straight out of the box. They came out with the wrappers still intact!
LikeLike
Aw happy bday to him!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Darla. He is happily snoozing on my foot. The perfect end to a day that started with poop and ended up being pooped. It’s a dog’s life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy Birthday Duncan! If it’s any consolation, Maggie is now 11 and still plays like a puppy sometimes! Never had a problem with her pinching though, socks or otherwise.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good girl, Maggie!
My human son gets away with a lot, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bon anniversaire to Duncan! (There, we’ll see if that helps.)
Incidentally, my oldest turns 19 today. I’m happy to say he does not eat poop. Doesn’t even use much scatological humor anymore. Who would’ve thunk it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy Birthday to your No. 1 son! Whoo Hoo! It’s also my boss’ birthday. A good day for smart creatures to come on out to play!
LikeLike
I think so!
LikeLiked by 1 person
My cats are appalled at his behavior. They are having a ‘nip martini as we speak.
LikeLike
Yes, cats never do anything gross!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m impressed that this post has an accompanying photo, since I’ve heard through the grapevine that Duncan is not especially cooperative when it comes to having his photo taken. The birthday boy is likely to continue to pester you with his version of doggie misbehavior, because … well, dogs are not only gross, but they can also be pretty rotten. Makes you wonder why we allow such nonsense, and then we laugh. As if you can stop a moving train by holding your hand up and uttering “sit”. Duncan is still a delightfully adorable boy (*young man*), no matter the poop-eating, sock-stealing, shoe-thieving scoundrel that he is. Right? Maybe? Of course he is! He’s Duncan!
Extra points for the “Disgustology” tag.
See? He’s good for something! New words! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Duncan is camera shy for sure. But even when you get a good shot, he doesn’t look great. You often can’t tell where his eyes start — because they are black too. Oh well. I’ve thought of taking him to a photographer, because he really is incredibly handsome and I’d like to have evidence!
“Disgustology” is a tag I came up with a while ago — talking about politics. I just use it now and then.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My dog Maya turns 2 on the 29th!
Happy birthday Duncan!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy last day of puppyhood, Maya!!!! And Duncan thanks you both.
LikeLiked by 1 person
All he heard was “Blah, blah, blah, shoes! Blah, blah, blah, poop! Blah, blah, blah, socks!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Sounds like my husband except he doesn’t eat poop.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Personally, I think it should be a requirement. Husbands should not eat poop.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m good with that.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Funny. That’s all my husband hears, too. And my son. And usually about shoes and socks, too. I’m starting to see a pattern here!
LikeLiked by 1 person