You probably wouldn’t believe it, but I used to worry. A lot.
It’s true.
My husband traveled frequently, and from the time he left the house until he was back again, I was positive that his plane would crash, his train derail, or he would be hit by a mode of transportation I couldn’t even name in a foreign country I might or might not be able to locate on a map.
News junkie that I am, I didn’t listen or read or google while he was away. Nope. I was not going to hear the inevitable on CNN.
And then, seemingly out of the blue, my sister Judy died. I hadn’t been worried about her at all. Not a bit (although I should have — she had a heart condition for goodness sake!)
A lightbulb went off in my head: The person I worried about was fine, the one I wasn’t worrying about, well, wasn’t.
I decided that worrying didn’t help. Not one little bit.
So I stopped. I took Alfred E Newman’s motto for my own.
Strangely, Alfred and I look alike. My hair is longer and curlier, though. Google image. Duh!
Let me tell you, being a non-worry-er is great.
You have room in your life for, ummmm, a life. You get to go about your business and assume that bad news will find you if it needs to. You get to sleep when your husband is traveling. Or when your adolescent-teen-young adult son is out. Or when the weather is bad and any one of the 3,427 people you know might just have gotten into their car. And started moving … and might just …
Sadly, though, I have gone full circle. I am not happy to say that I am once again a Worrywart. I have evolved. Or devolved. Or regressed. Or been bitch-slapped out of M.A.D. Magazine.
You see, my son Jacob had a car accident.
Most importantly, he was unhurt. He should, however, do a Subaru ad, because his Sub saved his life. It was crunched, front and back. Totaled. But Jacob only got a scratch when he reached in through the back window to retrieve stuff.
So now I worry. But I won’t for long, thank God. Or thank J.K. Rowling and Potterheads.
Because I just learned that somebody has finally invented a Weasley clock. You know, that special clock at the Burrow in the Harry Potter books. The clock that Molly Weasley looks at to find out how her family members are doin’.
The clock that lets her know whether a family member is in mortal peril.
Yup. Someone has invented a real-life Weasley clock that can let parents know when family members are at “Home,” at “Work,” “On the Way,” or in “Mortal Peril.”
After the inventor’s family, I’d like to be first in line to get one of these clocks. Because I know that if I get one of these I will be able to sleep again when Jacob is out. And that is worth whatever I have to pay to get one of these. I’ll even pay for shipping.
FiftyFourandAHalf 
Oh, my. I didn’t read all the advice in these many comments, but if you ever figure out how not to worry, please post about it. It’s just part of caring about those we love. I guess the trick is to not let it carry you away. So glad your son is ok. 💖
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Thanks. I really didn’t worry for a long time until recently. It is useless — it never changed the outcome but it immobilizes me! But then my husband is an overdrive worrier, so I have that going for me. I always know somebody is worried and I can sleep.
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To delegate worry…such a great idea. Thanks. ☺
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Ugh. The list of my “best” isn’t. If you want to see those, read my favs over on the right. WP just chose a few of my most recent posts! Cheaters!
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Yep, they did the same with mine. I guess they just rotate the recent ones. I also like posting my most favored/popular pieces “on the right”. ☺
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I will try to read some of yours —
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Thank God he’s OK! Talk about making a mother’s heart stop.
I don’t think I want a Weasley clock. Suspecting they’re in mortal peril is less scary than knowing it, especially when I can’t do anything about it. Like making my youngest move back to her old bedroom from her place in Oakland, CA, 3rd highest drug crime area in the country, in a neighborhood of graffiti, garbage and homeless people sleeping in the bus stops she frequents every day.
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You’re right, Peg. You really don’t want one!!!!
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My son will be driving in a few short years. I have no idea how I will handle it. Buy him a Subaru for starters!
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That helped a whole lot! And when we were looking at what to replace it with, well, used Subs are very expensive. He ended up buying his dad’s Subaru …
It is a hard thing todo to hand over the keys.
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My father was a worrier and my mother wasn’t. When something didn’t happen that Dad worried about, Mom would say, “Your worrying paid off once again!” That always made me laugh. I love your post reminding us that things happen that we cannot anticipate, and most of all that your son was fine. I have a Subaru (The official Maine car) and find it reassuring that it is tops in safety.
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My husband is a terrible worrier, so even when I wasn’t, the household worrying got done.` I’m going to try to go back to the happy state where I didn’t worry about my son so much (he left for work 20 minutes ago, did he make it on time…). Soon. It’ll happen soon.
And you’re in Maine!!!! I love Maine — we spend as much time as we can up there. My headder photo was taken there on Mount Dessert Island.
Lastly, Subarus. I bought one in December because it was perfect for my 90 year old Mother-in-law and our dog. I wasn’t very excited about it, but … But now I love it. Even before Jacob’s accident. He now bough/inherited his Dad’s Subaru and I have to worry about my husband driving something less safe ….
Love your blog!
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You’re crazy, Elyse. I can’t tell if that Weasly clock is real or not… I don’t want one! I worry enough. With young kids, it’s tough not to. I feel like worrying is my thing, but when I’m home with them, and I know they’re all safe, and I know my wife’s safe, I feel more secure and comfortable than you can imagine. Makes up for the insecurity of daily life, I suppose.
I wrote a story just a week ago about a lady who has some thoughts about her significant other on an airplane. It’ll not make the light of day on the blog, as it’s nearly 6000 words long, but it’s about the best thing I’ve written in ages (if I’m allowed to judge). And it’s fully of worry, and then worry doubled over. I guess I’m saying I hear you, I really do.
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You worry now that they’re young? Wait until they have the car keys.
The beauty of the Weasley clock is that the “real” one — from the book, minimizes worry. You know when they’re safe (and you can go to bed!). Of course, these days, if a kid is in school in the US ….
Anyway, here is the Real Weasley clock:
I love the fact that “Dentist” is in the same field as “Prison” and “Lost.”
I’d love to read that story. I think. Actually, once I get my worrying back to normal levels, I would love to read it. Right now, I’m in overdrive. (I was walking Duncan with a guy run into on many mornings and I told him he should take his hands out of his pockets as he walked on a very icy patch. He just looked at me. I then apologized, explaining that since Jacob’s accident I’d been worrying about everybody way too much. the man is retired CIA …
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Well if you want some day, let me know and I’ll send you a more polished version. It’s what I would call my ‘real’ writing, although that is really a conceit on my part. Different from blog writing is what I actually mean, but I don’t fully understand the line between the two.
Anyway, try to relax okay, Elyse? Else you’ll start worrying me too.
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OK. But I’m going to wait a bit. And the line? Who knows where it is.
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First and foremost sorry for your lost. This article is helpful because it made me realize when life has an unclear path it makes us worry of the unknown, but as we age with wisdom we learn not to worry as much. When things happen out of our control we feel responsible and blame ourselves. If only we could control our feelings in a way it wouldn’t cause stress in our daily lives. Sometimes the results of stress can be as mild as loosing hair, gaining and loosing weigh, or worse. All we can do is pray about it as we live on.
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Well, thankfully, we have only lost a car! Thanks for your comment.
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Oh Elyse, you had me at “I used to worry. A lot.” And I almost lost my dinner when I read about your son getting into a car accident (a mother’s worst nightmare). I am so happy to hear that he is okay.
I conquer the worry in spits and spurts . . . until it involves my kids or my grandson, then it is as if I had no faith in God. The only conclusion I’ve come to is that “not worrying” has no carry-over days. Each day has to be conquered as its own entity of strength, and then the next day, it starts all over again. Sigh.
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Sorry to have upset your dinner. I’m glad too that he’s OK! I keep hugging that guy … so scary.
But you’re right — one day at a time!
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Let me know where to get one of those clocks too! Cost is not an issue! I’m so glad your son is okay – but it was hard for me to get past the paragraph about going full circle… that was classic, Elyse! 🙂
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Thanks, Kelly! Yeah, I’m certainly glad it was the car not the kid.
But I want one of those clocks — but I want it to be controlled by magic — not iphones!
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Absolutely, so glad he’s okay.
Just think of the app and the arduino in the clock as magical things – which they are, really!
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I worry too and my kids are grown with kids of their own which means I have grandkids to worry about. They live in Brooklyn and something is always happening in Brooklyn and I hold my breath until they release names and pictures. Glad your son is okay. I experienced that a magled car and 4 teenagers my daughter and a child I had custody of who didn’t survive. That didn’t help my worrying.
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Oh my god! I am not sure from the comment if your daughter made it — oh my god. Getting my son through the teen years, I felt more confident … but then anything can happen, any time. Life is so fucking random …
My niece and nephew live in Brooklyn — and I’m a news junkie. Yeah, I worry too.
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I knew I didn’t make that clear. The girl I had custody of died. She was like my daughter. 16. I still worry about my kids and they are all in their 30’s. My son is a year and 10 months from 40.
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Wouldn’t it be good if we could edit our own comments? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve reacted to a post — and been unclear. WordPress is always changing stuff, why not give us the ability to clarify????
I’m still so sorry for the girl. Young people just shouldn’t die.
I really thought I was able to not worry — but I was kidding myself. And now, I can’t stop hugging my son.
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Agree, agree and agree. 🙂 My kids tell me scary things after the fact to keep me from worrying.
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My brother and I grew up playing on the railroad tracks. I will always think that it is amazing that any of us survive.
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When we’re young we believe we are immortal. Except me I was a scardy cat. Except with drugs. I tried everything except herion.
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Oh dear. I was sick from early teens and the drugs made me fat. That made me think I needed to take care.
Glad you survived too! And I love the new picture.
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Thanks. I think I’m pain with my health now.
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I don’t know — it might be unrelated. I never touched drugs and my health stinks too. Luck of the draw, mostly.
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I’m happy to hear that Jacob is fine! I think I gained a few grey hairs just reading the word “accident.” Yesterday my son turned 21, and as I was looking at his baby photos I thought “I wish I could turn the clock back” then the 52 year old me stepped forward to remind me my nerves could not handle it!
I’ve done study on worrying, and it appears if you have a penis, you do not worry nearly as much.
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No, I don’t wish to go back either — who has that kind of energy?? But I would like it for an hour or two a week!!!
The funny thing about your study is, I was able to not worry because my husband worries overtime. And last I checked, he DID have a penis. But then, every rule needs an exception.
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Haha! Yes, your husband is like that 5th dentist refusing to conclude that Crest fights cavities. I could use a little of that every now and then…Jesus!
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Actually he would say that you need a combination of Crest, Colgate, alternated with Sendodyne and that if you don’t floss twice a day your teeth will fall out and then you’ll die.
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So glad your son is okay. I would really like one of those clocks, too. I am a natural-born worrier and a Weasley clock could do the job for me so I can get on with not worrying about everyone.
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Thanks Robin. And wouldn’t one of those clocks be great???? Of course, if the kids could program them, I’m not sure they’d be quite as effective!
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So glad Jacob is ok!
Going to “build your own” subaru site, now.
Also, here’s a song for you!
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thanks Dana. I actually thought of this song, but ….
Hope you’re doing well.
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It’s hard to derail the worry train once it’s gained momentum.
I’m glad your son is alright though. That’s pretty scary.
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Thanks, Fannie. It was pretty terrifying — even though HE called us and let us know that (1) he was OK and (2) that his car was not …
I thought I HAD derailed it! I relied on my husband to worry for both of us, because I figured it didn’t help or change anything. Of course that doesn’t matter. Duh!
Welcome. I checked out your blog and will go back. Dating a clown college dropout????? Certainly a blog worth investigating.
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Glad to hear your son is fine. I had a Subaru and loved it. I now drive a Toyota which I consider pretty safe too. However, Subaru has the best commercials. My next car will have to be the one the papa dog drives to get his puppy to sleep. Yeah, I’m big on Budweiser commercials too. As for worry, when you figure out how to curb it, blog about that. Right now I’m worried about who the next president will be. I have never really worried about that before. I’ve been thinking of applying for the reality cabinet.
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Thanks Kate. He is safely ensconced in the basement … as he will be for decades!
I actually bought a Subaru like the one in that commercial. Duncan loves it, but he has not spawned puppies, thankfully!
As for THE race? Oh Lord! It is enough to make everybody worry. The idea that any of these turkeys might have their finger on the button ….it’s beyond worrying!
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I never had a worry wart… I had a few worry zits, a worry carbuncle once… does that count?
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Ewwww.
No.
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oh… ok…
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I think the parent license says that you can’t be one unless you can worry… Glad for your son, and for Subaru. I have one and my daughter and SIL used to have one, until it saved his life when he fell asleep at the wheel and the car took out a power pole while he walked away.
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I really did worry, but I managed to keep it to a minimum — my husband is a frenetic worrier, and I figured he had worrying covered. I used to roll my eyes at those commercials — and when I bought one for myself before Jacob’s accident — safety wasn’t high on my list of concerns. Now? Oh yeah, it is! And my son has another Subaru…
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Worries only a parent can know, I think. Don’t us parents know? So pleased that your son is okay. Such good fortune.
I agree, your son should do the ad. I look at those Subarus think they look pretty sound. Now I can point to your good fortune as evidence. The last time I shopped for one was 1987. I decided on my first choice, a Volvo. The same car that I will drive on the California freeways in a couple hours.
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He/we is/are very lucky, you’re right. And I swear, I hug him whenever I possibly can now.
I remember your car from your posts! How many miles now? When it was made, Volvo was considered the safest. Now? Sbaru gets all the awards. Or so the salesperson told me. And reall, why would he lie?
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My policy is to disallow worry the right to spread and instead address each cause for worry as it comes up with a permanent solution for that specific worry. Do that enough and after a while you’ll convince yourself that nothing can interfere with your peace of mind more than fleetingly. For instance, (and I too am pleased that Jacob is OK) here is a picture of Jacob’s new car:
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Looks perfect! But he has the next best thing — another Subaru.
It is so good to see your name pop up! I hope you’re well and well interneted!
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Elyse! You shock me! Of all people I would have thought you would have been the last to be caught publicly verbifying nouns (interneted). I can hear Doob from beyond the interwebs groaning. ha! Yep, I seem to be back to stay. It is great to be hanging out here again. I missed you guys something fierce.
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I only do it when I am being silly, I promise you. It irritates me beyond belief. I blame Bill Clinton who used to talk incessantly about “growing the economy” until I would have slapped him silly. I refer to it as “verbicide.” (Except when I do it)
We all missed you too. The difference was we were worried as well!
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Believe me I was worried for myself at first – it was possible that I could have lost a leg to the infection – but all worked out. 😉
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Oh dear! Thank god it did. Sorry that you had to go through all of that — without your cyber-buddies, too!
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Hey, Paul! I’m so glad you’re ok!
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Says one non-blogger to another 😢
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Techless, in my case!
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Hey fellow blog free commenter! How’s it goin’ Dana? Great to be back and well again – love the gravatar that Elyse’s blog assign’s to your comments. Ha!
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(Elyse: I accidentally used the possessive above = please accept my apologies 😀 )
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Don’t know if anyone filled you in about me. I’m dealing with advanced Cancer, but have been doing better, lately. Side effect of treatment give me worse symptoms than the cancer. I’m still coo-coo-crazy-go-nuts, as usual. And I’m glad I have better teeth than my gravitar! 🙂
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That’s a bitch Dana – I wasn’t aware. I spent a year fighting that demon myself, for me it was colon cancer. How you feel today is all that you control and that matters. Dealing with cancer is like eating an elephant – it seems an impossible task until you realize that one forkfull at a time will eventually get the job done. Day by day.
I pray that all goes well for you – is the chemo bothering you much? They tell me that it is very individual – I was lucky. They used 5FU as my chemo agent and aside from chewing ice during delivery to reduce mouth sores, it affected my daily life very little.
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Paul, I’m getting the mouth sores, and tongue sensitivity to texture. Basically, it hurts to eat. My dr lets me skip chemo every now and then, just so I can eat without pain. Otherwise, I drink a lot of Ensure. Also, I’m not going bald, like most chemo patients do, I’m only losing a little at a time, the weirder thing is, the hair that I haven’t lost is turning silver! I look older than my mom! Even my eyebrows are turning silver! Very strange!
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Ha! Hair is one of those odd things affected by chemo. I have friends whose hair has turned different colors, gone from straight to curly or vice versa, I always thought (before cancer) that hair color/structure was genetically encoded permanently but apparently not. i also found during treatment that I would get the strangest cravings and the doctors said to just go with them as they likely reflect what my body needs. I ate ice cream and only ice cream for about three weeks, and then I couldn’t even look at it again. And then I was onto hamburgers for a while and then it switched to pickles and zucchini (which I never liked before chemo). The great thing was that the doctors actually encouraged me to drink – Ha! – in my case they suggested up to two glasses of red wine or port a day. I must say that I had no problem with that prescription and in fact often exceeded it – Ha!
When all was said and done, many of my tastes and likes changed as a result of my treatment. I used to love fast food and now can barely tolerate it.
I hope that your pain is manageable and fades to nothing Dana.
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I wish I could drink alcohol! But it burns and stings, even the mildest wine. Heck, even something as common as ketchup stings my tongue! So, I guess the only craving I get is for Ensure. Not really a craving, just one of the only substances that doesn’t cause me pain. 😦 Although, being morbidly obese most of my life, I do like the fact that I am losing weight! 🙂
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I don’t think the “Cancer Diet” is gonna catch on, Dana.
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Cancer Diet! “I went from a 60 inch waist to a 46 inch waist in 6 months!” Cancer Diet!
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Hmmm, it’s tempting but …
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I know the feeling sister – I lost 100 pounds during my fight. It was way more than was comfortable – I couldn’t lay down for more than 20 minutes without my bones hurting or sit for more than 10 minutes and not at all on hard chairs.
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Oh dear.
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At least you’re not clueless, Dana.
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I love you, Elyse! 🙂 ♡
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🙂
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So sorry to hear about your son’s accident. How scary that must have been. What a relief he wasn’t hurt. But still, the what-ifs are never far from a mother’s mind. My worry for my sons could fill an ocean. But I guess that’s the nature of things.
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Thanks, Carrie. It was nearly a month ago, and I can only just talk about it! He literally cut his finger — not at all badly — when he reached through the broken window. The car was crunched. But it is a thing and he is whole and safe. It’s been a valuable lesson for him, though. And an expensive one. Because he has to buy his own car …
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So scary to think of how it could have turned out. I don’t blame you for not being able to talk about it. Thank goodness for the better safety features of cars now.
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Yahoo! Subaru! I’m so glad your son escaped relatively unscathed from his accident. It would seem that “Mortal Peril” is a relative term. For those of us living in Canada that clock would be frozen (pun intended) on mortal peril if the perimeters were the same as the inventors sister’s (forecast of too-cold weather). It will be fun to find out what everyone’s definition is.
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My son’s entry would be constantly in “Mortal Peril” too — Mom/Dad’s gonna kill me …
And yes, I really feel like that car saved him. He now owns another (as do I). I’ve always listened with half an ear to the safety stuff. Now? Both ears!
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Glad your son made it through the accident so trippingly. If a Weasley clock breaks down, is it still accurate twice a day?
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Thank, Tip. And I think you asked the question for the ages …
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I’m glad you’re son is OK! The up-in-the-night-waiting-for-kids-to-come-home is the worst kind of worrying.
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Ugh–should have been your. 🙂
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I’ve always relied on knowing that he makes smart choices, is a good driver and that he won’t drink and drive. But … this was, fortunately, during the day — when it was 45 degrees and sunny and the ice and snow had been cleared off the road. Except for that one patch …
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Bummer news about the accident … but good news is that he’s OK … and the car is replaceable. Was it his car? … or course I can’t resist a song for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUDv3h09VBc
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Are you getting me back for Mark, below?!
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Of course not.
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Joe, it’s you I’ll marry. I’m not Joe, my name is Harry!
🙂
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So very sorry to hear about your son’s wreck but am very glad he’s okay. You’re a parent. I’d like to see you STOP worrying. It’s coded in your DNA. You can’t fight it.
Why a song? Now I have an ear worm. Thanks a lot. Could be worse. Could be the Cars-for-Kids commercial.
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And now you gave yourself an ear worm. It’s no longer my fault.
Of course I never stopped worrying all together. I just kept it to a reasonable level. Now I’m back at high blood pressure levels… But he is a smart guy, a good driver. And this accident wasn’t the result of stupidity — he hit an ice patch on an otherwise clear road (at 65 mph!). He’d waited to come home until the roads had been clear …
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That’s K A R S , kars 4 kids!
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Gaaaaaa! What’s WRONG with you?!
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1-877…
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It’s funny you should write this now, Elyse. (But first, I’m happy Jacob is fine! One of the sillier reasons I think about staying in Denmark long term is so that my kids don’t ever have to drive, they can just take really good mass transit for the rest of their lives). I’ve been on a bit of a cell phone tear at the moment, lamenting the leash that cell phones have become (for parents and kids) while at the same time, praising their obvious pros. I guess the time has come to get my thoughts on the screen. Thanks for the impetus. And that clock would only make you worry more if the hands weren’t where you thought they should be!
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Ah, but I could limit my worrying to “mortal peril”!
We live in a semi-rural area where you have to drive and where the roads are twisty-turny so we have no option. And he’s s good driver But since seeing that smashed car … And wondering how on earth he survived …
But cities have their own dangers.
I have to accept what my dad used to say: “nobody gets out of life alive”
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True enough. I remember my mother saying to me once that you never sleep as soundly once you have kids. First they’re up all night and later you’re up all night worrying about them getting home. She’s wise that mother of mine!
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I can so relate to this! Have been a worry wart my whole life, though I, like you, decided awhile back to give up the worry habit as far as kids and husband are concerned – lo and behold, the sky did not fall (yet!). When I was a child, my mother said: “Your worst fears never happen.” I therefore decided to make everything my worst fear. It took years of therapy to get past that. Would love a bit of Potter magic to keep us all safe!
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Oh poor you! Your mother’s comment just needed editing — “will probably” would have made all the difference!
Potter magic would be so very helpful!
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Firstly glad son is ok! Secondly yes, I always say that – there’s no point worrying about things because generally when something bad happens, it’s something you’d never thought of! But then the other part of my mind carries that forward and says – well in that case maybe you should worry a whole lot more, about EVERYTHING, that way you will prevent bad things from happening, because clearly bad things only happen when you haven’t worried about them happening. Then I worry that I’m going to jinx it all by having realised that this is what happens, and so now I should do the opposite and not worry about anything. Oh dear, it’s all such a worry…
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Phew! That was exhausting!
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I’d order this clock, but I’d worry it would get damaged during shipping.
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And, since it depends so much on technology you’d never really know if it was right. Magic would be better.
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Yay that you son is whole and well. I want one of those clocks….
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Wouldn’t it be great to have one? I bet they will be for sale before too long. Trouble is, the definition of “mortal peril” will vary significantly!
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I’m so happy that Jacob wasn’t hurt.
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Thanks. Me too.
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Yep, I hear ya. Son is in late 20s, military, now literally traveling all over the world on a regular basis. Has taken to telling us he is “overseas” rather than naming country names. Son rode his bike across Iowa last summer, more than 500 miles, nary a scratch, nor even stomach ick. Son, while we were 20 feet ahead of him while visiting him in August, dumped his bike, smashed his face/helmet into the pavement, had a concussion… Do I worry? A bit, but mostly I’d just like to know where in the hell “overseas” is, so I would know if I should worry or not.
So glad your boy/man/child was fine. Yes, Subaru commercials, it is!
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I have thought of you often since the accident. Worrying about your son and wondering how parents coped in previous generations.
I wish your son all good fortune
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Thanks, Elyse. He seemed to come through it fine. Last year was rough for him in many ways (broken heart, the main hurt.) But he’s doing well.
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I wonder what the going rate for Floo Powder is? That is how they send things too bulky for Owl Express, right?
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They travel by floo powder. They get multiple owls for heavy transport (except of dragons where they need humans). Oh dear. My Potter-nerdom is back!
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