October 14, 2015 · 0:00
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Other Useful Technologies

One of my favorite things about blogging, is that often, my bloggin’ buddies often give me the opportunity to tell stories that I don’t have the opportunity to tell.

Like this one.

Now you know that I had a wonderful childhood. As the youngest of five, somehow, I never felt unwanted, no matter what was going on. Except once.*

As I entered the kitchen, I noticed that my mom and two sisters, Beth and Judy, were sitting at the kitchen table, discussing anatomy.  Female anatomy to be precise..  They were discussing “holes.”  Their holes.

This might be a good time for guys to switch to another blog.

Yes, Mom, Beth and Judy were sitting at the kitchen table talking about their holes. Both of their holes.  The TWO holes in their nether regions.

I was 7 years old, and very confused.

“But …” I started saying …

They didn’t want to listen.  They continued talking, ignoring me.

Panic started to rise in me.

“But … but … listen  to me!!!” I finally practically shouted.

They all turned to me and Beth said, “OK, Lease.  What do you want to say.”

I looked around the table and said softly, in fear:

“I have three holes!  There’s the one I pee through, the one I poop through, and one in the middle that doesn’t do anything.  Don’t you guys have three?”  Panic was building in me as I realized that the three of them just continued to looked at me.  Judy rolled her eyes.  She smirked.

“Nope.  You’re just weird, Lease,” said Judy.

They all looked at me, blankly, until finally I left, taking my incomprehensible extra hole with me.  And let me tell you that I was baffled about that opening for years.

For more than 50 years, I’ve wondered what that conversation was actually about. Over the years, I asked many times, but since the incident didn’t scar any of them for life, so they’d long since forgotten.

Now what does this story have to do with blogging and blogging buddies?

Well only yesterday my buddy Alice, of Coffee and a Blank Page commented on my blog piece, Tush Technologies  and linked to an article more or less on this subject. Well, on the subject of vaginas, anyhow.  Weird technological things about hoo-hahs to be exact.

‘Smart’ menstrual cup sends texts about your flow

Now I didn’t know that there was such a thing as a “menstrual cup” either.  Apparently I haven’t changed much since I was 7.  These new (to the extent anything used for Eve’s Curse can be considered “new”), more environmentally friendly collection devices.  You can shove a cup into your box at the requisite time and, well, fill er up!

But according to the article that Alice sent me, there were draw backs with the cups.  I’m sure you saw the problem leaking through, didn’t you.

Well, there was a problem Until Now.  Because there is now smart, ummm, cootch, technology to keep that cup from runneth-ing over. 


If I’m reading the article right, it will tell your smart phone when you need to, umm, dump.

Ain’t technology grand?

I don’t know exactly why, but this article made me think of something from another  bloggin’ buddy, Father Kaine of The Last of the Milleniums.

 

* OK, I will admit I didn’t feel completely welcome that time when I was pushing into my newly married sister Beth’s bedroom when she’d pulled the bookcase in front of the door, either.

27 Comments

Filed under Adult Traumas, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Awards, Bat-shit crazy, Bloggin' Buddies, Childhood Traumas, Conspicuous consumption, Disgustology, Family, Health, Health and Medicine, History, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, I Can't Get No, laughter, Mom would die of embarrassment, Most Embarassing Moments Evah!, Oh shit, Out Damn Spot!, Science, Seriously funny, Shit, Shit happens, Sisters, Stupidity, Toilets, Why the hell do I tell you these stories?, WTF?

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27 responses to “Other Useful Technologies”

  1. Exile on Pain Street
    October 17, 2015 at 0:00

    I can’t say you didn’t warn me.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. valentinelogar
    October 17, 2015 at 0:00

    I cannot even imagine what they were talking about. I can imagine why they didn’t let you join in! As to the other, somehow I just find the entire idea rather disturbing.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. Paul
    October 15, 2015 at 0:00

    Sigh. As a guy I’m having a difficult time with this. However, that said – I have to admit that the social conversation around dealing with outputs is much improving and as a colostomy owner that is a relief.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Elyse
      October 15, 2015 at 0:00

      I did warn you, Paul.

      You’ve made a great point, though, Paul. We talk about everything these days and mostly that’s a good thing. I can remember in high school being too embarrassed to go into the rest room (I was often very uncomfortable …) We no longer pretend that we don’t all shit in the woods, metaphorically speaking!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. Dana
    October 15, 2015 at 0:00

    I have a theory as to what they were talking about, but I don’t want to shock you!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  5. Alice
    October 15, 2015 at 0:00

    This is sooooo exciting, Elyse! I feel so famous! So acknowledged in my weirdness! How can I ever repay you??

    Oh, I know! How about a cupcake? 🙂 https://youtu.be/K8jIjAvQ94I

    Like

    Reply
  6. Carrie Rubin
    October 15, 2015 at 0:00

    Guess there really is an app for everything.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. Kate Crimmins
    October 15, 2015 at 0:00

    There is a lot of new technology going on for the nether regions. They have some kind of wad of something that you put in your hoo haw and it helps your bladder not leak. Sometimes I feel like nun about all this stuff. I didn’t have sisters so there never was any “hole” talk going on.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Play nice, please.