October 13, 2015 · 0:00
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Tush Technology

You guys know that I’m all about news.

You guys also know that I’m all about bathrooms.

Today, I am about bathroom news.  Eat your heart out, Fox News!

Today, I am, well, not proud to tell you about this, exactly.  Not pleased to tell you about it, exactly, either.

Today I am ummm, well, I’m just gonna tell you that technology has gone straight to the crapper.

Because there is now a gizmo that will tell you when you have to go to the bathroom.  In case you didn’t know.

I’m so ashamed that I’ve been doing it the old fashioned way for all this time.

52 Comments

Filed under Adult Traumas, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Chronic Disease, Conspicuous consumption, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Farts, Flatulence, Health, Health and Medicine, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, Oh shit, Out Damn Spot!, Poop, praying, Satisfaction, Seriously funny, Shit, Stupidity, Toilets, Why the hell do I tell you these stories?, Wild Beasts, WTF?

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52 responses to “Tush Technology”

  1. John
    October 16, 2015 at 0:00

    I think I want the display piece – something to hang on the wall in the bathroom !

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Pingback: Other Useful Technologies | FiftyFourandAHalf

  3. valentinelogar
    October 15, 2015 at 0:00

    Who sits around and thinks of this shit? I am just wondering.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. Alice
    October 14, 2015 at 0:00

    YOU, Elyse, are now officially my Favorite Person of the Day(TM). Because this post gives me an excuse to share THIS:
    http://www.dailydot.com/lifestyle/looncup-text-vagina/

    You can thank me effusively later.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. Lorna's Voice
    October 14, 2015 at 0:00

    What happens to people like me who are always forgetting to bring their phones with them? Is there an app strap for this crap? 😉 God, I missed you, Elyse!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  6. Kate Crimmins
    October 14, 2015 at 0:00

    Does it work when nature sneaks up on you? Can I have a good window of time to find a bathroom without naturally navigating from bathroom to bathroom? I expect it would be very useful for incontinent people who don’t know. Much easier than cleaning up. Thanks for the poop scoop!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. Exile on Pain Street
    October 14, 2015 at 0:00

    Slightly off topic: Rumor is that that Reuters logo was designed by a Reuters graphic designer whose work was about to be outsourced. It is said to be the company going down the drain.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. Dana
    October 14, 2015 at 0:00

    Does it tell the difference between solid and just gass? Cause that might be helpful!

    “Attn, air my be expelled, safely. ”
    “Attn, solids arriving do not push, unless on toilet.”

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. pouringmyartout
    October 14, 2015 at 0:00

    Have you read the first book in my sci-fi series, because the alien tech toilets are freekin’ awesome…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. NotAPunkRocker
    October 14, 2015 at 0:00

    I prefer the pull-ups they have for kids, because you get to see the cool cartoon characters when they’re wet!

    (really, who’s idea was that? Of course the kid is going to pee themselves to see that happen!)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Elyse
      October 14, 2015 at 0:00

      Those are after my time (as a toddler and as a Mom). I hate to think what they’ll have by the time I’m a grandma!

      And you’re right. I’d probably pee myself to see it too!

      Like

      Reply
      • NotAPunkRocker
        October 14, 2015 at 0:00

        I refused to get them for M but I was just very lucky he trained early. Of course, he gave up his nap really early too, so the good came with the not so much :/

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  11. Glazed
    October 13, 2015 at 0:00

    I think it’s a good invention if it will it tell me when someone else is about to excrete. Such as when I’m watching a political speech.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  12. cordeliasmom2012
    October 13, 2015 at 0:00

    Wouldn’t it be easier (and cheaper) to just wear adult diapers?

    But if you’re going to use the Smart Pants, I think it should have a audio warning system –
    “10 minutes to go.”
    “Start looking for a rest room, and don’t be too fussy.”
    “Start running NOW”
    “EVERYONE IN THE IMMEDIATE AREA – CLEAR OUT NOW!”

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply
  13. Paul
    October 13, 2015 at 0:00

    Ha! I’m afeared that with a colostomy and a bowel re-routed, that I may not be the perfect candidate. Take that you pesky Japanese! Actually I did a piece on the aging population and Japan has the oldest population with 26% over 65 years. We can expect more such breakthroughs to come in the future.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  14. renxkyoko
    October 13, 2015 at 0:00

    I wish I could watch the video…. it said, it cannot be played in my country or something.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  15. pegoleg
    October 13, 2015 at 0:00

    Oh. Good. Lord. I’d say “now I’ve seen everything” but I’ve already said that so many times in my life the phrase has ceased to have meaning.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  16. Vanessa-Jane Chapman
    October 13, 2015 at 0:00

    Phew, for a minute there I was thinking I wasn’t going to get any bathroom news at all today. Thank you. THANK YOU.

    Like

    Reply
  17. Carrie Rubin
    October 13, 2015 at 0:00

    “this device predicts fecal excretion”—Now that’s not a phrase you hear everyday…

    Like

    Reply

Play nice, please.