Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wished on stars. And based on the fact that I’ve had a pretty good life, I’m quite certain that many of my wishes have come true.
However, there is a long list of things I’ve been wishing for for a while now, that just haven’t quite materialized.
For example:
An end to war, poverty, disease and hunger.
Reversal of global climate change so that our planet doesn’t die
Return of the collective brains of the GOP
What the fuck happened to those wishes, I wonder.
Until today, I just figured I hadn’t had enough opportunities to wish for the important things. Because it often takes more than one wish to achieve those things.
I realized that in order to fulfill my deepest desires, I need to get more wishes. I need to see more shooting stars.
And now I know how.
You see, I just read this morning that there is a modern day source for many of the shooting stars we see.
Poop
Astronaut Poop to be exact.
It’s true. I read the news today, oh boy. Only, sadly I can’t get this video to embed. So you need to click on that link. Or this one. It’s the same link.
And I learned that when it is, ummmmmm, flushed, well, astronaut poop becomes a shooting star.
Updated — with VIDEO!
So, in order to get all my wishes to come true, and you will agree, they are completely selfless, wonderful wishes, well, the answer is simple.
If I were to go up in space, with my Crohn’s Disease in full, well, flush, we could even get Donald Trump to shut up.
You’re welcome!
FiftyFourandAHalf 
Love your mind out loud. So comical no matter the topic. 😊
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Awwww shucks, Janni!
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I love this! Both your wishes and your plans to make them reality!
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Thanks — and welcome
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You’ll probably need a lot of target practice before you can hope to take out Trump with your, ummm, shooting stars.
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I can poop at will. So I’ve got that goin’ for me.
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LOL. I doubt it! (re your last comment)
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My last comment here or on your blog? I admit being confused!
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“we could even get Donald Trump to shut up.” haha, yeah, right.
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Sometimes, the most outrageous wishes DO come true!
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That man needs to go away really fast.
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Quietly would be nice, too!
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Loved the Little Rascals/Trump hybrid. What a perfect pairing. It was like the second GOP debate all over again.
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It was pretty damn funny, wasn’t it! Thank Mark of Exile on pain street (http://exileonpainstreet.com/), though. He found it!
And welcome, Laurie!
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I continue to be one who isn’t worried about The Bloviator’s chances.
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I hope you’re sitting down.
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Oh boy!!! I watched The Little Rascals for years. So very un-PC of me. So I thoroughly enjoyed Donald becoming Alfalfa! I could never stand either of them!
Actually, for its time, given that back and white kids played together, it was quite progressive.
Thanks for the smile!
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I have every episode on DVD. Watch ’em with the daughters. They love them. Mostly innocent but occasionally shockingly inappropriate.
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Brilliant. The one that always gets me is “I wish I had a watermelon”. Oh my.
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Yeah, that’s hard to take. In one episode, Darla’s father calls Buckwheat and his little brother “the little pickaninnies.” YIKES. But he doesn’t say it with malice. They didn’t know back then. He says it the way you’d say, the Italians or the English.
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A lot of the work I do is putting events into the context of timelines. Understanding and acceptance of racial differences is very much that way The thing we need to recall is that people can change. People can grow. They do.
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So that’s why we send so many men skyward. And here I thought it was an extension of the man in the cannon circus act. Hilarious.
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I think it’ll be the circus act if only they’d send the GOP clowns up! Of course, they’d have to believe In science , so that’ll never happen!
Welcome Brenda!
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Science is optional to a person of faith. 🙂
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Thanks for the good laugh Elyse.
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Sure thing. and do think of me when you look up!
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Sure will!! 🙂
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If ever there were a thing appropriate to wish upon for the return of the GOP’s collective brain, “astronaut poop” sounds just. about. right.
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Yes!
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Well fertilizer?
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Why yes, I am, thanks!
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Aha! There’s got to be money in that somewhere!
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That would be lovely!
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😉
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Astronaut poop, eh? I wonder if that will be the next big Christmas gift idea.
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It’ll be a pain in the ass to wrap!
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Ahhhh, what a pretty shooting star! Ha! Our night sky hasn’t been the same since we sent Elyse to the Space Station. 😀
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Heaven and earth would benefit!
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Chris Hatfield, I love that guy. He does have a way with words. Elyse, I think you are onto something. All we have to do is hook you up with the next space mission and light up that sky!
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Wear your shades, Michelle!
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I agree with you about wanting those three wishes. I think you’ve got more chance of getting world peace and a reversal of climate change before you ever get the GOP returning to its senses, though.
You also have more chance of catching a pixie, finding the Loch Ness monster and being abducted by aliens and take to the planet Zarg XIV (where Donald Trump is from).
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I think you’re right. I could get world peace AND a fix on climate change. But the GOP will then take credit, get back into office, and screw it all up again.
I’m gonna have a lot of poopin’ to do!
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You’re probably right. Incidentally, I may never look at the night sky in quite the same way again.
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Sorry!
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😀
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I am finding every single wishing well in Texas and taking a road trip, immediately.
After last night, I am extending your pooh to the entire clown car. Every last one of them but I want it especially on Huck, Cruz and Trump.
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I have plenty for all, Val. (I went to bed.)
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I couldn’t go to bed, it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I simply had to sit and watch.
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This is a joke, right? They’re having a laugh back at Huff Po because this was even published. I don’t believe a word of it. Credibility fail.
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Tsk tsk, Mark. First you support a Republican, NOW you’re denying science 😛
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Well, Mark, because I have an inquiring mind, I looked into it again. And I found this youtube that explains everything.
I enjoyed it with my breakfast … and I’m going to add it to the post. Because I am damn nice and I like science.
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I’m reading your blog as I’m watching the Republican clown show of a debate and I have diarrhea! Maybe with both of us in space with our auto immune crazies, we could blitz all these characters and shut them up. Oy!
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You obviously have a stronger stomach than I if you’re watching!
The stuff that wishes are made of — there is plenty😅
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I missed my chance. I should have said we could be troubled GIs in space. I’m sure we could get a federal grant!
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E-Tom,
You need a refresher course … .don’t watch the debates.
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When you wish upon a…turd?
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Brilliant!
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Priceless!
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Actually the price of a ticket into space is pretty steep. I need to contact Elon Musk!
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Oh dear, poor Scott Kelly. He has an infographic that references his poo. Oh well, I’ll wish upon it five times a day if it will silence The Donald.
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I think you have to have a good sense of humor to be an astronaut. (Oh, and the same is true of being a hospital patient, cause they monitor your poo there, too.)
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That they do. And they talk about it in groups too, from lowly medical student all the way up to highest level attending. Bet you love that.
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I long ago stopped worrying about it — it takes a lot to embarrass me. And the younger doctors and interns and med students were actually the ones who would come back and talk to me and make me less afraid in the early years when I was very, very scared. So I’m willing to help the next group.
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Absolutely. When my mom was struggling with her issues last year, she had a wonderful surgical intern who kept her in the loop. I wrote to his program director to let him know how good a job the intern did. Trainees are quick to hear about their mess-ups, but not so quick to hear about the things they do well.
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As an expert patient, I do try to let supervisors know when someone’s good. I’ve only complained about someone once — a few years ago when I was asking for a blood test to see if my chronic 101 fever was some sort of systemic infection, and the NP said no, that I should wait until it reached 104 and then go to the ER. Ummmmmm, no. And ummmmmm, no, you’re off my team.
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Yikes, good move. When someone is on immunomodulators (which I don’t know if you are or not), waiting on any fever is risky.
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Yup. I am. Scary if I had listened!
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Please oh please go up in space ASAP!! I don’t know if I can stand another moment of Trump. Although the late night talk shows are thrilled he’s around.
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Isn’t he horrible??? I would be willing to just go to Iowa or NH and poop ON him, too. That might work.
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Note to self: Don’t read Elyse’s comment section while taking a sip of water. FUNNY!
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Who needs a nettie pot when you have unread blogs?
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All my wishes, from now on, will be for you to poo on Trump!
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All I need to do is get near him.
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Get the bigger part of the wishbone— “Please let Elyse poo on Donald Trump!”
Eyelash falls on my hand— “Please let Elyse poo on Donald Trump!”
Throw a penny in a well— “Please let Elyse poo on Donald Trump!”
Catch a digital clock at 11:11— “Please let Elyse poo on Donald Trump!”
And, of course, any and all falling/shooting stars— “Please let Elyse poo on Donald Trump!”
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That covers it. But I never heard of wishing on eyelashes.
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Only if it falls out by itself, and you have it on your hand or finger. Then you blow on it, with your eyes closed, and if it’s gone when you open your eyes, your wish will come true! 🙂
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I’ve wasted so many.
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Ha! Iced tea just shot out my nose.
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For that, I’ll poop on LePage, too.
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How soon can you fly up here?
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Not soon enough!
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[frantically checking airfares on expedia]
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I wonder if these are the shooting stars that leave long streaks in the sky.
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Very likely, depending on just how much TP there is in space.
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Do you think the wishes aren’t coming true because of our manufacturing the shooting stars? Are we cheating?
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Perhaps this cheating is the whole reason we ended up with Donald Trump being a force in the universe.
But I’m pretty sure there was war and poverty and hunger and disease in the world before there were astronauts. But I could be wrong …
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I volunteer to accompany you. I have IBS with a side of diarrhea! We could blow the place apart!
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Everybody’s wishes will come true — actually, I hope we can choose whose wishes we grant, because it seems only fair.
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