Have you got a Nose for Gold?
Growing up at the beach, I never had much use for those little dweebes who would pan for gold in Long Island Sound. All they ever got was a plastic container of cigarette butts.
And on my one trip to California when I visited a ghost gold town, well, I was still not all that impressed. But at least they got them some gold. Some of them.
But more recently, I’m thinking that maybe I’ll try my, ummm, hand, at gold mining.
Yeah — me!
In fact, it might just be an opportunity for me to work from home. I may actually be sitting on a gold mine. Really! Who knew!
More than for personal gain, however, I will do it in the name of science. You see, scientist now think that this type of mining may just save the planet! It could reduce the need for more environmentally harmful types of mining.
Oh, I guess I forgot to explain the rest. You see, I just read that scientists are, ummm, mining for gold in unexpected places. Silver, too. And you know, they’ve found some platinum, too. A veritable jewelry store of precious metals.
Wanna know where?
In poop. People Poop.
Really! They’re finding all sorts of shit in there! I just read about it in an article entitled:
Scientists Want to Mine Our Poop for Gold
According to the article:
Every year, Americans are flushing a fortune down the toilet. Literally. More than 7 million tons of biosolids—treated sewage sludge—pass through US wastewater facilities annually. Contained within our shit are surprisingly large quantities of silver, gold, and platinum.
I am prodigious poop producer. I figure, well, I’m golden.
I’m hiring pan sterilizers if anybody is looking for a job.
Much like the rectal thermometer tester – I’ll pass on this job!
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Yeah, me too!
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Who comes up with this shit? Seriously, I want names.
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You’d better read that article!
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I’m with Carol! Not enough poop in the world to entice me. Yikes! Talk about a bad job–the person discovering this needs a vacation!
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Or some strong soap.
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…and disinfectant by the gallons!!
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“They’re finding all sorts of shit in there! ” bwahahaha! Spit cola out of my nose. That kind of hurt.
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Sorry about that, Peg. Try a sip of milk through your nose — that will neutralize the acid. So will Tums, but they get stuck sometimes I’ve learned.
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I read that myself, and just wondered how did all that stuff get in that stuff if you follow me. Not a subject I am likely to explore.
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What? You aren’t going to dredge for, ummm, dollars? Apparently there are microscopic bits that we breathe in and ingest in our food. And I learned recently that too much gold in your system can damage your liver. So be careful not to eat poop when you’re digging!
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One question: what the heck are we eating that produces all this gold and silver in our system? I’ll never look at potato chips the same way.
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It may explain why grocery prices are so damn high, though.
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This is perfect timing. http://curmudgeon-at-large.com/2015/03/25/toilet-slide/
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Just the sort of shit I needed today, Frank. It’s been quite a week.
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That museum should fund your appearance at the exhibit.
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You know, I forgot. I was going to reblog it. Now I will. With credit (blame) to you!
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Thank you for the honor.
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You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!
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Oh … About accompanying you to Japan?
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????
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Your lawyer requesting I accompany you to the exhibit in Japan when the museum offers you to attend.
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Oh yeah. I got it now. I am slow today.
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OH … because your schedule must have gotten in the way, see the last link on Interesting Reads in the last edition of OITS.
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Oh my, I’ll start gathering my jewelry making tools right now! And some oil of peppermint to dab under my nose. And perhaps a mask, too…
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Gloves Don’t forget the rubber gloves!
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It seems I have also heard of this. There has gotta be a better way Elyse…….
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This and lottery tickets. The odds are better here. In so many ways.
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Well shit, when I’m done mining I’ll get back to you on this. 😉
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OK. But I get a commission.
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Oh I’ll give you a commission alright. 😉
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It also makes good fertilizer
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There’s gold in them thar hills!
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I told you I would start shipping mine to you… if that is even legal…
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Let’s just assume that it is not.
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we could try it
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No. It is illegal. I’m sure of it. Positive.
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I have ziplock baggies…
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NO. No. A thousand times NO.
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are you sure?
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Quite.
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fine
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Finally.
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I will not mail you my poo… I will drop it off in person…
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You will have to find me. That was the real reason I don’t post pictures.
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you are not making this easy… and I can’t believe that you won’t let a random stranger from the internet show up on your doorstep with a big bag of his own poop… what is the internet even for?
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These are just the sorts of things I warn my son about …
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But this is me we are talking about… and Doobster can vouch for me…
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No.
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sigh
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I guess I might as well go flush now…
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Please. And clean the toilet.
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fine
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HAHAHAHAhahahahaha! That was one of the best exchanges I have watched in a long time! my hat is off to da boata yous!
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As long as the other end stays away.
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thanks
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good Chicago gangster from the 1930 voice too
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don’t panic, it’s organic
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No.
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ok
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Poop has been in the news a lot lately. Other people’s poop can be a cure for colon issues. Now this. It’s too bad it doesn’t work for cat poop. I have tons of that.
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I’m watching for all the poop, I mean scoop, for you Kate. It’s one if the many services I provide.
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It’s why I follow you. I can get my daily poop from one spot!
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I may not be the prodigious pooper as you, but I hold my own …. so I’m looking forward to enhancing my retirement fund.
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I’m expecting a commission. Payable by check, not fecal matter.
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I already had that in mind … after all, royalties is applicable in multiple ways.
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I could mine my blog posts, which are mostly poop with an occasional tiny nugget of gold buried within.
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Don’t be so hard on yourself — besides, I’m just sorry I didn’t think of it first because it’s a damn good line!
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Being hard on myself is the one skill I’ve actually perfected. It took a lifetime to sharpen to a fine tip and now you’re telling me I can’t use it? I don’t think so.
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I am with Carol on this one, not enough gold, silver even platinum shit anywhere. I would rather put up with ijits all day long. Even for the planet. But I will put it in sealed plastic and send it to you if you want.
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You’re a pal, Val!
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Maybe this is why Howard Hughes saved his poop in mason jars. He might not have been as crazy as we thought.
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He was ahead of his time.
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I knew it would come to that sooner or later. I occasionally watch the gold mining programs on Discovery and the processes are getting more and more sensitive so that they can now go back through mined over territory and get gold from it. It was only a matter of time before they went looking for it in shit. Ha! Submicroscopic bits of every element exist in our bodies – after all it is a part of our environment, so we will inevitably ingest or breathe it. Our bodies have to be able to process everything and get rid of it (although we do a bad job of some heavy metals and need help from chelating agents to get them out -way too much metal in our environment now compared to when we evolved).
There’s probably platinum. selenium and other valuable stuff in your shit too Elyse. i did physical and analytic chemistry as an undergrad degree and our university had an experimental nuclear reactor (Slow Poke) that we used to analyze materials (NMR) for submicroscopic quantities of materials.Believe me there’s some of everything inside us.
Just getting it out is the shitty problem. best of luck.
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I am going to start hoarding poop…. I’m sitting on a gold mine here!!!!
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No shit? Uh … I mean … really?
😕
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Te hee hee
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I saw that article. Freaked me out a little.
Guess I’m not as open-minded as I thought.
This was also a bit in Hitchikers Guide, a planet where they weighed tourists when they came in and when they left and took the difference, so it was vitally important to get a receipt when you used the bathroom.
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I wonder if I could just photocopy them. Sigh.
Isn’t it odd. Then again, my husband buys Milorganite — fertilizer made from Milwaukee poop. He swears by it. (Of course no one would take gardening advice from someone with a lawn like ours, but still..
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Nope! I think you are on your own with the golden poop! I’ll keep my day job. Good Luck!
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What! You won’t help? It’s for the environment you know.
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Not enough golden poop in the world! This job is not for me…No..
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Well, I’m kind of doing it anyway — But I think I’ll clean it off before making any jewelry!
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