March 24, 2015 · 0:00
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A Nose for Gold

Have you got a Nose for Gold?

Growing up at the beach, I never had much use for those little dweebes who would pan for gold in Long Island Sound. All they ever got was a plastic container of cigarette butts.

Well, it is Connecticut's "Gold Coast" but that's not quite what they mean. (Google Image)

Well, it is Connecticut’s “Gold Coast” but that’s not quite what they mean. (Google Image)

And on my one trip to California when I visited a ghost gold town, well, I was still not all that impressed. But at least they got them some gold. Some of them.

I can't even remember if this is the gold miner statue I saw. (Google image)

I can’t even remember if this is the gold miner statue I saw. (Google image)

But more recently, I’m thinking that maybe I’ll try my, ummm, hand, at gold mining.

Yeah — me!

In fact, it might just be an opportunity for me to work from home.  I may actually be sitting on a gold mine. Really! Who knew!

More than for personal gain, however, I will do it in the name of science.  You see, scientist now think that this type of mining may just save the planet!  It could reduce the need for more environmentally harmful types of mining.

Oh, I guess I forgot to explain the rest.  You see, I just read that scientists are, ummm, mining for gold in unexpected places. Silver, too. And you know, they’ve found some platinum, too.  A veritable jewelry store of precious metals.

Wanna know where?

In poop.  People Poop.

Really! They’re finding all sorts of shit in there! I just read about it in an article entitled:

Scientists Want to Mine Our Poop for Gold

According to the article:

Every year, Americans are flushing a fortune down the toilet. Literally. More than 7 million tons of biosolids—treated sewage sludge—pass through US wastewater facilities annually. Contained within our shit are surprisingly large quantities of silver, gold, and platinum.

I am prodigious poop producer.   I figure, well, I’m golden.

Google Image

Google Image

I’m hiring pan sterilizers if anybody is looking for a job.

83 Comments

Filed under All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Childhood Traumas, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Extra Cash, Health and Medicine, Hey Doc?, History, Huh?, Humor, Science, Stupidity, Toilets

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83 responses to “A Nose for Gold”

  1. benzeknees
    May 19, 2015 at 0:00

    Much like the rectal thermometer tester – I’ll pass on this job!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. Life With The Top Down
    March 28, 2015 at 0:00

    Who comes up with this shit? Seriously, I want names.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. reneejohnsonwrites
    March 27, 2015 at 0:00

    I’m with Carol! Not enough poop in the world to entice me. Yikes! Talk about a bad job–the person discovering this needs a vacation!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. pegoleg
    March 27, 2015 at 0:00

    “They’re finding all sorts of shit in there! ” bwahahaha! Spit cola out of my nose. That kind of hurt.

    Like

    Reply
    • Elyse
      March 27, 2015 at 0:00

      Sorry about that, Peg. Try a sip of milk through your nose — that will neutralize the acid. So will Tums, but they get stuck sometimes I’ve learned.

      Like

      Reply
  5. Peter Wells aka Countingducks
    March 26, 2015 at 0:00

    I read that myself, and just wondered how did all that stuff get in that stuff if you follow me. Not a subject I am likely to explore.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Elyse
      March 27, 2015 at 0:00

      What? You aren’t going to dredge for, ummm, dollars? Apparently there are microscopic bits that we breathe in and ingest in our food. And I learned recently that too much gold in your system can damage your liver. So be careful not to eat poop when you’re digging!

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      Reply
  6. Musings, Rants & Scribbles
    March 26, 2015 at 0:00

    One question: what the heck are we eating that produces all this gold and silver in our system? I’ll never look at potato chips the same way.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. Carrie Rubin
    March 26, 2015 at 0:00

    Oh my, I’ll start gathering my jewelry making tools right now! And some oil of peppermint to dab under my nose. And perhaps a mask, too…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. Julie
    March 25, 2015 at 0:00

    It seems I have also heard of this. There has gotta be a better way Elyse…….

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. Gibber
    March 25, 2015 at 0:00

    Well shit, when I’m done mining I’ll get back to you on this. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  11. pouringmyartout
    March 25, 2015 at 0:00

    It also makes good fertilizer

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  12. Kate Crimmins
    March 25, 2015 at 0:00

    Poop has been in the news a lot lately. Other people’s poop can be a cure for colon issues. Now this. It’s too bad it doesn’t work for cat poop. I have tons of that.

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    Reply
  13. aFrankAngle
    March 25, 2015 at 0:00

    I may not be the prodigious pooper as you, but I hold my own …. so I’m looking forward to enhancing my retirement fund.

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    Reply
  14. Exile on Pain Street
    March 25, 2015 at 0:00

    I could mine my blog posts, which are mostly poop with an occasional tiny nugget of gold buried within.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  15. valentinelogar
    March 25, 2015 at 0:00

    I am with Carol on this one, not enough gold, silver even platinum shit anywhere. I would rather put up with ijits all day long. Even for the planet. But I will put it in sealed plastic and send it to you if you want.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  16. Glazed
    March 25, 2015 at 0:00

    Maybe this is why Howard Hughes saved his poop in mason jars. He might not have been as crazy as we thought.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  17. Paul
    March 24, 2015 at 0:00

    I knew it would come to that sooner or later. I occasionally watch the gold mining programs on Discovery and the processes are getting more and more sensitive so that they can now go back through mined over territory and get gold from it. It was only a matter of time before they went looking for it in shit. Ha! Submicroscopic bits of every element exist in our bodies – after all it is a part of our environment, so we will inevitably ingest or breathe it. Our bodies have to be able to process everything and get rid of it (although we do a bad job of some heavy metals and need help from chelating agents to get them out -way too much metal in our environment now compared to when we evolved).

    There’s probably platinum. selenium and other valuable stuff in your shit too Elyse. i did physical and analytic chemistry as an undergrad degree and our university had an experimental nuclear reactor (Slow Poke) that we used to analyze materials (NMR) for submicroscopic quantities of materials.Believe me there’s some of everything inside us.

    Just getting it out is the shitty problem. best of luck.

    Liked by 1 person

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  18. Victo Dolore
    March 24, 2015 at 0:00

    I am going to start hoarding poop…. I’m sitting on a gold mine here!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. El Guapo
    March 24, 2015 at 0:00

    I saw that article. Freaked me out a little.
    Guess I’m not as open-minded as I thought.

    This was also a bit in Hitchikers Guide, a planet where they weighed tourists when they came in and when they left and took the difference, so it was vitally important to get a receipt when you used the bathroom.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Elyse
      March 24, 2015 at 0:00

      I wonder if I could just photocopy them. Sigh.

      Isn’t it odd. Then again, my husband buys Milorganite — fertilizer made from Milwaukee poop. He swears by it. (Of course no one would take gardening advice from someone with a lawn like ours, but still..

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  20. Carol
    March 24, 2015 at 0:00

    Nope! I think you are on your own with the golden poop! I’ll keep my day job. Good Luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Play nice, please.