Like most parents, I worry.
Will my son, Jacob, succeed in life? Will he pass Spanish? Will he become a useful member of society or will he remain in the basement until he is dragged off by the Health Department?
But today I learned that I have one more worry to add to the pile. You see, now I have to analyze his text messages for clues about his health.
Shit.
Yup, it’s true. Because today in an article I found on Reuters.com, I read that there is a new malady, called “Dystexia.” It’s when a person texts back nonsense in response to a regular, ordinary question. And it can involve a trip to the emergency room.
The article linked to above, talks about a husband who realized that there was something wrong with his pregnant wife when her texts didn’t make sense. She was rushed to the hospital and they found out she had had a stroke.
Now if you have a child, aged 8 to 25, you’ve already figured out where I’m going with this.
Because personally, I think I’m going to start worrying when my son’s text messages start making sense.
Unless, of course, he wants money. Then I’ll be sure it’s him and that he’s broke in a whole different way.
FiftyFourandAHalf 
As I live beyond the range of mobile phones I have to assume my child is either in perfect mental health, or has already been institutionalised.
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I would assume the latter, based on our interchanges. Unless she resembles her mother!
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I really feel sorry for the English Language, but it has all sorts of coping mechanisms (and synonyms for those mechanisms), so I won’t fret too much… 😉
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We will survive, as you suggest, Lorna. And we can use our craziness to diagnose folks. Win-win!
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Ab-so-pos-a-lutely! 😉
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I don’t mind abbrevi8td txts. What irks me is grownups I went to highschool with who can’t spell on FaceBook. They shared my education and even went to college…but dropped the courtesy of punctuation and capitolization. Reading their posts and comments makes me realize I am ‘friends’ with some major idiots.
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When I wrote a post about Newtown two weeks ago, I got a comment from a blogger who kept commenting on how ignorant I am. She did it with horrible spelling and poor grammar.
Gotta love folks like that. Or smack them.
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I think he’ll be ok.
As long as he stays off the emoticons. (they’re gateway icons.) 😉
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He is way too cool for them.
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I no mean 2B a h8tr, but textn sux, yo.
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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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That was my very first text, Elyse! Did it work?
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Apparently, Asa parent of young kids you share Angie’s “developmental dust exits.”
That is my iPhone’s diagnosis. I was going to say “dystextia”
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Oh, man, I hope my kids don’t read that article; its MY texts that never make sense! Partly because I own the world’s crappiest old phone, and partly because I can’t be bothered to fix those little typos…..
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I think that we can give you a pass due to the old phone, Moms. If your kids start worrying about you, tell them to get you a better phone!
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Funny Elyse! 🙂 This is funny, and funny is good for me right now. Thanks!
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Funny is what I needed too, Chris. I have not been feeling especially merry, so this helped me. Glad it helped you too!
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LOL! I’m still a holdout as far as using complete sentences in my texts–a dinosaur! This cracked me up!
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That makes at least two of us, and probably a lot more… Lol
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So glad I’m not the only one, Chris!
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I think there are a whole lot of us dinos out there.
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I’m a holdout too. I even use punctuation in my texts. And breaks between paragraphs. My son simply shakes his head and says “you’re old.”
Ah, but I’m also “right.” And paying for his phone.
However, I feel like Rodney Dangerfield.
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I don’t even know how to send a text. I probably have developmental dystexia.
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We still love you, though, Angie. Really.
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I would say I suffer from dystexia since I can’t compose a text message that doesn’t sound idiotic.
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I have that trouble with spoken sentences frequently.
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The texts would only serve as indications of a health condition if you could decipher them, if you had your phone on, or if you could remember where you last put it. How very silly. One instance of a medical emergency gone well doesn’t make a news article worth writing. Oops, yes, I guess it did, huh?
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Sadly, the article was in the health section, not the “Oddly Enough” section of Reuters.com!
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I am not even commenting on this. I grew so annoyed at my two sons I simply refused to respond unless they wrote in plain English, they said “But Mom”, I said “But my rosy red AZZ”.
They learned quickly.
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Ummm, Val? You actually did comment … 😉
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My dad might have dystextia…or he could be partaking a little too much in the beer. It’s a toss up 🙂
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Maybe both! Maybe he is channeling his inner teenager.
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Good grief! Most of the texts I get from people would indicate any number of disorders. But, my insistence in responding in long form with punctuation and proper grammar may be a different disease entirely. Needless to say, I text sparingly, as it takes fifteen minutes to type one with my gorilla thumbs on my ant-sized keyboard.
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That is actually the funny thing about the article, in my mind. The husband knew something was wrong with his wife — spell check had been turned off. Ummmm, texts can be so confusing. They are like the WordPress bubbles for answering comments. Things make sense when you’re doing it, but when you look back at the post they are posted as if someone shuffled them all up (for a perfect example, look at my post on Newtown).
I do long texts with accurate spelling, grammar and punctuation, too. Somebody’s got to! Apparently it’s just you and me.
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The texting gen is a whole language in itself … and I’m interesting in learning too many new words. Hang in there Mom, but one question – does medical insurance cover it?
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I think that Obamacare covers it, Frank. At least until 26 (is that the new 21? I’ve often wondered)
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Definitely!
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Sh*t!
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I worry when I get the text messages with good grammar and punctuation, because that would indicate an abduction and I am forced to call the authorities.
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Too true, Tops. Obviously an alien abduction. I bet they could even sing the second verse of the Star Spangled Banner! That’s how they found the German spies during WWII.
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I doubt if my mom met you and gave you her cell phone to take this picture. I’ve to ask her now!
Oh I just saw that it’s sent from another person. Now I am on safer side.
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! I didn’t realize that you could see the texting party! Fortunately this one is a joke — it doesn’t have anybody’s name on it.
Don’t text me for money, though, Arindam. My only child has cleaned me out!
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I’m with you. When your child texts you a coherent sentence, as a parent, you know you’re in trouble!
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Absolutely.
Occasionally I get on my high horse and demand he use punctuation so that I have a clue what he is talking about (see Eats shoots and leaves).
But often he answers a question I haven’t asked. Or that’s what I’m guessing because the answers I get don’t respond to the question. I am developing a bald spot on the side of my head from scratching it in confusion!
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I think a bunch of my blogging buddies must have this condition!
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R U sur?
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Hey, 98% of what I’ve said or written in the past 45 years qualifies. In that case, I had a stroke when I was 3. (Which would explain a HECK of a lot! 😉 )
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A stroke at 3 — you poor thing! Your poor parents! I will not make fun of you for this one, though. Not when you’re expecting it, anyway!
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I’m sure he has “send money” already added to his quick text list…
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You know, I bet you’re right. Not to mention the fact that he has his mother trained …
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They have quick text lists?
I think I need to explore my phone a little more and create at least one of my own: “Please pick up our son. Also beer.” A lot of keystrokes will be saved moving forward!
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I spent the whole day looking for them!
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They’ll make anything a disease anymore.
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I think that my son has had this condition since he got his first cell phone. So apparently he has had LOTS of strokes because he hasn’t made sense in years!
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I think texting is a whole different language for youngins. Some of the texts I see would make an English teacher pound his/her face against a wall.
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U Tnk?
(That is one of my biggest irritations in life. Folks who use “U” because they are too f’in’ lazy to spell out Y-O-U.)
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Amen!
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Yeah, that gets on my nerves, too. Or some of the others like B4, 2, U2, etc. Lazy, lazy people.
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Yes! Let’s boycott them all! I actually refuse to shop at places where they do that with their names — you know, BabiesRUs, ToysRUs, etc. How to teach children wrong, right from the start.
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I’ve had a complaint about Elmo for years with that crap. He’s always referring to himself in the third person. How is that helpful to a child learning how to talk?
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Isn’t it funny how some things just get under your skin and others don’t. With Elmo, it doesn’t bother me that he talks in the 3rd person. With Bob Dole it drove me crazy. Of course, I like Elmo’s politics more.
My son named himself after a pony he rode and was always referring to himself as”Peanut.” Now he doesn’t ever shut up so I don’t think there was any lasting harm done by that 3rd person thing.
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I never knew Bob Dole did that…that’s funny.
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He did. There were SNL skits where he wandered around saying “Bob Dole” “Bob Dole”.
That said, I have a HUGE amount of respect for him anyway. I wish there were more people still in the GOP like him, because it was Senators like him that made Congress work.
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And see U is one of my favorites because it’s so universally understood.
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Mine too. I h8 that.
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