Reese’s and The American Psyche
Political life in America is an Easter Basket.
You see, with an Easter Basket, you’ve got a running shot at picking what you like. And I think that life is just like that. You get good candies and bad, and sometimes even a toy or two — that special something. Of course, there are always candies you hate – circus peanuts, for example have no place in an Easter Basket.
But here in the DC area, well, things are different. Here, Easter Baskets are controlled by the government. And you can tell because Easter Baskets are brimming with that well-known symbol of the U.S. Constitution, the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Here is a sample of an Easter Basket in the DC area:
A Typical DC-Area Easter Basket
Yup, this is the DC area. So all you get is Reese’s. Why? Civics. Let me take you back to 7th Grade Civics (Thanks Mrs. Ganley!)
A Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup represents the three branches of the government established under Articles I, II and III of the Constitution: The Legislative, The Executive and The Judicial branches. And they are all here, in DC. And they all stick in your craw. Peanut butter tends to do that.
Article I sets up the Legislative Branch (that’s why they think they’re special – it’s like being the eldest child). The Lege is the thick, sticky peanut butter middle of the Reese’s Cup. These days it is so dense, especially since the Republicans took the House, that nothing can penetrate it. It can be broken, it can be consumed (usually by itself) and it can be cut, but only with a very sharp a knife or bad press. It moves more slowly than molasses, and sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Article II gave us the Executive Branch: That’s the chocolaty outsides of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Unlike the insides of the Cup, the outside changes, sometimes due to political pressure, also known as heat. It melts. It freezes. It peels off. It tries to mix with the Peanut Butter insides, but the Peanut Butter part of the Cup resists; it says “No, I will not mix with you. My components must stay true to our peanut buttery-ness. No chocolate can be inside.”
Lastly, Article III spawned the Judiciary Branch. This Branch is represented by the paper outsides of the Reese’s Cup. So naturally, it is the Supreme Court that really holds the chocolate and peanut butter together. In order to get to the chocolaty/peanut buttery goodness, the Judiciary Branch must be strip searched; whether it has done anything wrong or not. Even the Justices need to live under the draconian legal precedents they spew.
From here Life gets a little bit confusing. The Vice President is well, Vice President. He is considered part of the chocolaty outsides of the Reese’s Cup. BUT, the Vice President is ALSO President of the Senate — he is just like Certs: two mints in one in our Easter Basket!
Yup that means that the VP is the tie-breaker in the Senate, which is why there is never a 50-50 stalemate. So Vice President Biden is not Certs. He is, in fact, the human equivalent of Reese’s Pieces.
Our Vice President -- Out of the Box
Now there are other parts of the Easter Basket that really represents life in this country. The grass, the jelly beans, the chocolate eggs. The real, hard-boiled, colored eggs.
And there are of course, Peeps. They are always underrepresented in Easter Baskets. That is because so few of them vote.
Bet these Peeps vote in November
Because it’s time to organize.
Power to the Peeps!
But when the take-over happens, just make sure it’s not these peeps:
No Fashion Sense
Or these:
Tea Party -- Spelling Things Out for the US
*********
On this historic day, otherwise known as Wednesday, 19 of your favorite humor bloggers are staging a WordPress coup. We have banded together to address the important topic:
Better Living Through Reese’s Peanut Butter Cupss
Yes, you read that right. Your eyes are fine. Well, they may not be fine – I really don’t know. But it does say “19 of your favorite humor bloggers” (or who SHOULD be your favorite bloggers). We are all presenting the same topic, each from his or her particularly unique perspective.
Why this topic? Why now?
Why not?
Click on the Reese’s Pieces links to gobble up the entire, yummy bag of 19 posts.
Bon Appetite!
***********
Photos from Google Images (except the Reese’s Basket)
FiftyFourandAHalf 
Thanks Lorre. And thanks for catching up with my posts!
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You are a political genius. Genius!!!
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Brilliant. My favorite line: “My components must stay true to our peanut buttery-ness.” I think Molly Ivins would have loved your beautifully extended metaphor and giggled all the way through.
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High praise, indeed. Thank you Fork! Molly Ivins is one of my idols (the other is Gail Collins of the NYTimes).
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That is a great analogy.
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Thanks, Carolina. It seemed fitting to start with the government since the other 18 bloggers and I were going for world domination! Thanks for playing along, and for being my 197th follower!
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Another reason Reese’s are like the government and politics – they make increasingly larger portion of the population choke and want to die.
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Not to mention peanut allergies!
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Well said, as usual 😉
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Thanks, PW!
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Who knew gov’t could be so delicious?
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Perhaps, but often hard to swallow!
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Gad I love you. But consider this, it would be possible to really really really make those dense (used properly) misanthropic ijits in the center – put them in a double broiler, turn the heat on high and turn them into blended mix (bi-racial).
As usual you have created perfection.
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Thanks, Valentine. It would be great if we could get people to mix together the way they once did. I’ll volunteer my oven to the cause!
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Finally! Finally someone has explained American politics so I can understand it. 😉
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You’re welcome, Michelle!
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This was hilarious. Strip searched. LOL.
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Thanks Laura. I only hope that when the Supreme Court does it to me that they can’t tell just how much chocolate I have consumed.
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Political Reese’s – that should be a new flavor. Whatever it says it is on the outside, it will taste like something different the minute you bring it home.
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SNAP! Good retort!
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Tyson’s — that means you ran TO hell. I live not far from there and am really really really glad not to work there. Oy vey!
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I like this so much I am sharing it on my FB Page. Do you have a FB page? Mine is the same as my blog.
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Thanks El. No, I am WAY too old for Facebook!
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OMG, I already heart you!! First, I live in DC too (Burke, VA). Second, I was a constitutional history major. Third, I was a lawyer. So I was howling as I read the above and appreciating the three branches of government analogy. Well-played!!! And now I am following your fine blog.
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Great minds apparently think alike. I must have been reading yours while you were reading mine. Subscribing while you were subscribing!
Glad you liked my analogy — I’m looking forward to taking over the world with you again. That is, if we can get out of NOVA traffic long enough to plan!
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LOL!! I got stuck on I495 near Tyson’s *again* the other day and in sheer boredom, started taking pictures of all the construction equipment that lined the roadway. My kids thought I had (finally and for good) gone mental but I reckon I was already gone LOL.
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Wait a sec…maybe this why I don’t like Reese’s?
Thanks for the shout-out to the real, hard boiled, colored eggs and my tragic childhood Easters. Oh, that wasn’t supposed to be about me? Damn.
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Actually, Angie, this all was about you. But I thought I hid it well enough with euphamisms. Maybe I’ll have better luck next time!
I’m off to read the rest of the posts — I too had to work today!
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I don’t know if it’s Joe Biden or the Reese’s company, but they screwed up Reese’s pieces. What the hell are those things?
Love the “misinfromed” sign.
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Poor Joe Biden gets blamed for another gaffe … that’ll be tonight’s headline. I actually like the pieces — they are wonderful in oatmeal cookies. It’s the cups I find awful.
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Interesting take on this theme. I never thought a post on politics could be so sweet. I used to love Reeses Pieces… 🙂
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Now I hope you will always side with the PEEPs, Lorna. Always!
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Hi,
We don’t have that brand in Australia, but I love how you have used the candy/chocolate to point to politics. 🙂
I could only laugh at the guy in the hat with the tea bags, that is just hilarious. 😀
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Hi Mags! You are becoming an expert in US politics through my blog. I hope you can spread my opinions far and wide in Oz and beyond!
The guy in the hat thinks he looks cool. That’s part of the problem with the Tea Party — they are dopes!
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This is a brain damaging post and conspiracy. How dare you? I will never be able to eat a peanut butter cup again, as I will think of what I read here and get ill, as it constantly reminds me of the DC mess we call government.
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It is SOOOO lucky for me that I’ve always thought they were the grossest candy on the planet. Me, I prefer PEEPS!
It does mean, however, that you must work to get your government filled with candies that mix and form coalitions to address the nation’s problems. Like obesity.
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I do like the government/Reese’s analogy. And I do see the peeps as the disenfranchised masses, the 99% if you will. But they will never acheive their goals. They are weaklings, all marshmallow inside.
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We may be marshmallow, but are all sugar. We will therefore tunnel through stone (i.e. enamel) and come up inside the nerve center of government and cause such pain that we will get whatever we want.
Trouble is, many people like Reese’s. 😦
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Ha! That is so clever!! I loved this post and your analysis of the Reese PB Cup =P
And that’s pretty awesome that you got a whole crew of bloggers to blog on this topic!
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Peg of Peg-o-Leg’s Ramblings was the mastermind; I was merely a co-conspirator. I didn’t think that Peg looked or acted much like Richard Nixon, but it just goes to show you that you have to be careful who you hook up with on the internets! (Just kidding Peg. Peg? Peg?)
It was a lot of fun and I can’t wait to finish the last couple I haven’t read yet!
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Hahaha. You know I’m not sure if I ever noticed your “Just another wiseass” heading. I love it!!! So funny =P
I’ll have to check the other ones out this week. The next few days are devoted to my blogroll and discovering new bloggers! 🙂
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There are a bunch of new ones in the list above I bet. Enjoy!
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I am not a crook!
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No. But you ARE All Powerful — you staged a coup! FP just doesn’t quite realize it yet!
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Play nice in my sandbox?? lolololololololol
Anyhow, I’m a little perturbed by your comparison of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups to our government. While Reeses Cups are sweet, tasty, and totally awesome, our government is none of those things.
Bad form, Elyse.
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I thought “Play nice” was way better than “don’t poop in my …” Apparently, you disagree. I keep fearing that Null will find me!
As to RPBC and our government, well, you have to admit that these days, things just don’t mix well. And I hate hate hate RPBCs (even though my young nieces and nephews who can’t pronounce “Ls” call me Reese). I am not and never have been a peanut butter cup!
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WHAT!?!?!? Reeses Cups are only the second best invention ever! Blasphemer.
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Second-best? Ummm, what is the best?
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It hasn’t been invented yet.
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I’m holding my breath. But you know, 5 years in Switzerland taught me that there is nothing better than Belgian chocolate.
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Well, I can only take your word for it as I’m sure I’ll never be there…
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I never expected to be either, so you never know.
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I’m fairly certain….
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Brilliant!!! Too bad our government isn’t equally as delicious : (
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Actually I prefer a big bite of government over Reese’s. But then I have odd tastes!
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With a civics lesson like that you’d be the most popular teacher in the school. Great post!
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Thanks, Paprika. I think I’d only be the fav if I gave out samples, though!
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To be most effective, you’d have to use actual Reese’s PB cups to demonstrate. The leftovers could be given as samples or raffled off to the highest quiz grade 🙂
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Reading this resulted in me feeling very conflicted. Although not really a big candy lover, I’ve always had a weakness for RPBC. But now, after your comparison to our increasingly dysfunctional government, they just seem like a very bad habit, something that is bad for our health, and now more than ever, we need to reform our national bad habits, and find a much better way.
Well done, and thanks for the message. I guess… I’ll probably eat more Reese’s but after your comparison of the wrapper to the US Supreme Court, I’m going to immediately burn the wrapper after removing it. Kinda like what they do when “interpreting” the Constitution.
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Now Chris, you need to get into the spirit here. I think taking off the wrapper slowly, while swinging your body around a pole, would be the way to go for this Supreme Court:
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Thanks Elyse. I needed that, and my spirits have been raised. 😀
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Sure thing, Chris. I’m sure the Supreme Court would let this one, ummm, slide.
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Wow. It finally all makes sense to me. Thank you! 🙂
Now, if only watching C-Span went down as easy as eating a Reese’s cup.
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Glad I could help you figure out the U.S. Government. I can only take it a piece at a time, though.
But I disagree with you about C-Span — sweets keep me awake, but C-Span can induce sleep by just the mentionzzzzzzz
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I’d always thought of the government more like a malt ball: looks enticing on the outside, sour and disgusting on the inside. But your analysis makes much more sense! Much more clever, as well.
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We differ there, Bryonic. I LOVE malt balls (except the occasional deflated one). Reese’s, not so much.
And yes, the folks in the House of Representatives do tend to just stick there inside your mouth. Repulsive!
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Most people seem to love malt balls, I admit. However I hold fast that everyone else is wrong.
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I agree.
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No, no, no. Malt balls are wonderful. MUCH better than Reese’s.
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I don’t think that there are, well, 19 posts worth of malt ball lovers though. So you can take some comfort in that.
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I’m glad the Peeps are there, although just a few. Ever been to the Peeps Store in DC? I’m thinking of going.
Oh…I should be focusing on the Reeses. I think the govt messed up. I didn’t get my Easter basket this year. I know I live in MD, not DC, but still….
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There is a Peeps Store in DC??? And I haven’t seen it? Oh dear. Living AND working in the burbs has serious drawbacks!
Sorry you didn’t get a basket this year. You can have all my Reese’s — I HATE them!
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This was fantastic!! I’ll never look at Reese’s Pieces the same way again. The “power to the peeps” and the Fox news sign pictures really got me, too!
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It’s important to know and understand our government. And to realize that Fox News followers are dopes. (Or should I spell that dUpes?)
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They spelled something else wrong…It is FAUX news….
Red.
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Good catch, Red. Good catch!
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Now that’s a civics lesson that can be understood! Ingenious! peeps, certs, all of those wrapped up little packages vaccumed sealed, I’m sure. I think there’s a new party abrewing that could rival the Tea party.
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Hopefully the new “party” will be much sweeter and significantly smarter than the Tea Party!
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Your subtitle was great — Reese’s and the American Psyche. Love it! And I’ll be crediting you when I use your term, “The Lege.” Though, your protesting Peeps photo is giving me heartburn.
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Actually, the Lege is what the late Molly Ivins called the Texas Legislature. She was brilliant, I just used her term which is pronounced “ledge!”
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Reese needs to change its colors though. The orange doesn’t feel American-y to me. Not like that box of Tide I saw at BJs with a giant American flag on the label and the slogan “when colors mean this much, you can only trust them to Tide.” Excuse me…I’m weeping.
I’m back. Can you make the next take over about Better Living through Tide?
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Sorry, I can’t do that. Tide makes me itchy. Of course, that might get me to Dem Party HQ to make some phone calls!
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Brilliant. Loved the peeps, all of it. Hmm…I never thought about candy like this, makes me like politics. Or not like pb cups anymore, can’t decide which…
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I’d give up RPBCs, if I were you. And not just because I have always hated them, but because we are stuck with politics!
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Everyone always told me the first three articles taste a bit like chicken.
But then, they tend to say that about pretty much the entire document.
🙂
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If every civics teacher had your deft touch with the material, the youth of America would know so much more about the process. Hats off to you, and POWER TO THE PEEPS!
(Great job – whoo hoo!)
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The sad thing is that I DO teach civics! But until today, I never tried for world domination. Perhaps because I don’t really like RPBCs!
Power to the PEEPS!
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I love this post – and I will still eat peanut butter cups, providing the vending machine will turn them loose.
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You do need to work on that. But don’t stand in front when you’re shakin’ your Reese’s out. It’s as dangerous as eating the damn things!
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Because of my love for Reese’s Cups, I will visit these links. 🙂
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Thanks Frank. It’s all part of world domination!
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We the Peep-All! I LOVED it all, except for that TP sign that nearly set me off this morning…hahaha
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Yes, it’s enough to make a tea-drinker choose coffee (or chocolate!)
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I like your analogy, especially how the chocolate and peanut butter can’t mix.
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Thanks Sandy. Maybe with enough heat they will!
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And to think, I used to love Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Now they just make me sick.
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Me too, Lisa. Me too!
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I didn’t care for ’em before and well … now I care for them even less. Well done, Elyse.
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