Category Archives: Conspicuous consumption

Hey Doc? Do I Have To?

You know, there may be a good reason why the GOP hates science.

Sometimes it is just plain gross.

As a dog lover, my “gross-me-out-the-door” threshold is actually quite high — I can stand some pretty gross things.  Only today my dog Duncan did the following:

  • Drank from the toilet
  • Licked his genitals with relish*
  • Ate poop

Let’s face it.  Dogs are gross.

But we humans?  We are gonna give these pups a run for their, ummm, money.  Their kibble.  Actually, I’d like to give Duncan a run for that pair of shoes he’s always stealing, but that’s another story for another day.

Today’s story involves poop.

Remember last January when I told you guys all about how you can make big bucks with your butts?  Really!  I did! With this post:

Need Extra Cash?

Are you so rich that you’ve forgotten this already?  Forgotten that I told you that you can clean up by donating your poop so that it can be transplanted into

Poor suckers infected with c difficile, particularly nasty bacteria that is really hard to get rid of.

I even provide a chart by which you can measure just how useful you’re being:

Credit (if you want to call it that) Washington Post

Credit (if you want to call it that) Washington Post

The idea behind poop transplants, in case you’ve forgotten, is that scientists believe that we’ve made our guts too clean — we have too few of the good bacteria that lead to healthy poop left inside our guts.

Today I have an update!  Wait, wait!  Keep your pants on!

Unfortunately, this update will not increase your revenue making opportunities.  Still, scientific advances are awesome.

Because now, thanks to scientific advancements, those same poor suckers can now eat shit! 

Really! I read it in the New York Times:

Fecal Transplants Made (Somewhat) More Palatable

There is a  non-profit organization called OpenBiome that is dedicated to providing poop transplants to needy patients with c difficile.  And they came up with a poop pill.  These poop pills will go a long way towards flushing out the bacteria.

Wait!  Wait!   No they don’t!  They flush in good bacteria.  I mean you eat poop pills with good bacteria in them.  And probably some of the nasty stuff too.  Like poop.

And some day, poop pills may be available for folks like me with Crohn’s Disease and other crappy GI diseases.  They are testing poop transplants in folks even as we speak.


Photo: Erik Jacobs for the New York Times

Photo: Erik Jacobs for the New York Times

Personally, I’m keeping a close eye out on this treatment option.  Because with my Crohn’s Disease, some day I might just have to say, “Hey Doc, do I have to?”

* For the record, I do not put relish on my dog’s genitals.  Duncan is not a dachshund.


Filed under Adult Traumas, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Being an asshole, Chronic Disease, Conspicuous consumption, Crohn's Disease, Diet tips, Dogs, Extra Cash, Family, Gas, Good Deed Doers, Health, Health and Medicine, Hey Doc?, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, I Can't Get No, Illness, keys to success, laughter, Mysteries, Pets, Poop, Science, Seriously funny, Shit, Shit happens, Taking Care of Each Other, Technology, Toilets, WTF?

Other Useful Technologies

One of my favorite things about blogging, is that often, my bloggin’ buddies often give me the opportunity to tell stories that I don’t have the opportunity to tell.

Like this one.

Now you know that I had a wonderful childhood. As the youngest of five, somehow, I never felt unwanted, no matter what was going on. Except once.*

As I entered the kitchen, I noticed that my mom and two sisters, Beth and Judy, were sitting at the kitchen table, discussing anatomy.  Female anatomy to be precise..  They were discussing “holes.”  Their holes.

This might be a good time for guys to switch to another blog.

Yes, Mom, Beth and Judy were sitting at the kitchen table talking about their holes. Both of their holes.  The TWO holes in their nether regions.

I was 7 years old, and very confused.

“But …” I started saying …

They didn’t want to listen.  They continued talking, ignoring me.

Panic started to rise in me.

“But … but … listen  to me!!!” I finally practically shouted.

They all turned to me and Beth said, “OK, Lease.  What do you want to say.”

I looked around the table and said softly, in fear:

I have three holes!  There’s the one I pee through, the one I poop through, and one in the middle that doesn’t do anything.  Don’t you guys have three?”  Panic was building in me as I realized that the three of them just continued to looked at me.  Judy rolled her eyes.  She smirked.

“Nope.  You’re just weird, Lease,” said Judy.

They all looked at me, blankly, until finally I left, taking my incomprehensible extra hole with me.  And let me tell you that I was baffled about that opening for years.

For more than 50 years, I’ve wondered what that conversation was actually about. Over the years, I asked many times, but since the incident didn’t scar any of them for life, so they’d long since forgotten.

Now what does this story have to do with blogging and blogging buddies?

Well only yesterday my buddy Alice, of Coffee and a Blank Page commented on my blog piece, Tush Technologies  and linked to an article more or less on this subject. Well, on the subject of vaginas, anyhow.  Weird technological things about hoo-hahs to be exact.

‘Smart’ menstrual cup sends texts about your flow

Now I didn’t know that there was such a thing as a “menstrual cup” either.  Apparently I haven’t changed much since I was 7.  These new (to the extent anything used for Eve’s Curse can be considered “new”), more environmentally friendly collection devices.  You can shove a cup into your box at the requisite time and, well, fill er up!

But according to the article that Alice sent me, there were draw backs with the cups.  I’m sure you saw the problem leaking through, didn’t you.

Well, there was a problem Until Now.  Because there is now smart, ummm, cootch, technology to keep that cup from runneth-ing over. 

If I’m reading the article right, it will tell your smart phone when you need to, umm, dump.

Ain’t technology grand?

I don’t know exactly why, but this article made me think of something from another  bloggin’ buddy, Father Kaine of The Last of the Milleniums.


* OK, I will admit I didn’t feel completely welcome that time when I was pushing into my newly married sister Beth’s bedroom when she’d pulled the bookcase in front of the door, either.


Filed under Adult Traumas, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Awards, Bat-shit crazy, Bloggin' Buddies, Childhood Traumas, Conspicuous consumption, Disgustology, Family, Health, Health and Medicine, History, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, I Can't Get No, laughter, Mom would die of embarrassment, Most Embarassing Moments Evah!, Oh shit, Out Damn Spot!, Science, Seriously funny, Shit, Shit happens, Sisters, Stupidity, Toilets, Why the hell do I tell you these stories?, WTF?

Tush Technology

You guys know that I’m all about news.

You guys also know that I’m all about bathrooms.

Today, I am about bathroom news.  Eat your heart out, Fox News!

Today, I am, well, not proud to tell you about this, exactly.  Not pleased to tell you about it, exactly, either.

Today I am ummm, well, I’m just gonna tell you that technology has gone straight to the crapper.

Because there is now a gizmo that will tell you when you have to go to the bathroom.  In case you didn’t know.

I’m so ashamed that I’ve been doing it the old fashioned way for all this time.


Filed under Adult Traumas, Advice from an Expert Patient, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Chronic Disease, Conspicuous consumption, Crohn's Disease, Disgustology, Farts, Flatulence, Health, Health and Medicine, Huh?, Humiliation, Humor, Oh shit, Out Damn Spot!, Poop, praying, Satisfaction, Seriously funny, Shit, Stupidity, Toilets, Why the hell do I tell you these stories?, Wild Beasts, WTF?

This Sums it Up Nicely — NSFW

As I often do, I’m snagging something else from my bloggin’ buddy, Father Kane over at The Last of the Millenniums.  Because, really, I haven’t seen such a good summary of why folks have guns in a while (Not Safe For Work).

I give you Australian comedian Jim Jefferies:


Filed under 2016, 2nd Amendment, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Bloggin' Buddies, Campaigning, Cancer on Society, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Disgustology, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, DON'T go back to your day job either, GOP, Gun control, Health, Huh?, Humor, Hypocrisy, laughter, Law, Oh shit, Shit happens, Stupidity, WTF?

Deja Vu All Over Again


We have to do something.

Here inVirginia, there is an election for an assortment of state offices. In these off-year elections, people with strong convictions come out to vote, while others stay home.

Let’s have more people who want to restore sanity come on out to vote out the folks who think that any gun law is a bad gun law.

I will be voting my conscience.  For common sense gun laws.

Let’s see if we can make common sense a little more common when it comes to guns and to gun access.  Wouldn’t that be a great place to start?

Elections matter.

From my friend Karen at Empty Nest, Full Life, I stole this information:

If you’d like to do something slightly more proactive, please click on one of the links below.

Moms Demand Action

Gun Sense Voter

Coalition to Stop Gun Violence


Filed under 2016, 2nd Amendment, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Bat-shit crazy, Beating that Dead Horse, Campaigning, Cancer on Society, Conspicuous consumption, Crazy Folks Running, Do GOP Voters Actually THINK?, Dreams, Elections, GOP, Gun control, Huh?, Hypocrisy, Mental Health

More Than Three Wishes– Updated with Video

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wished on stars. And based on the fact that I’ve had a pretty good life, I’m quite certain that many of my wishes have come true.

However, there is a long list of things I’ve been wishing for for a while now, that just haven’t quite materialized.

For example:

An end to war, poverty, disease and hunger.

Reversal of global climate change so that our planet doesn’t die

Return of the collective brains of the GOP

What the fuck happened to those wishes, I wonder.

Until today, I just figured I hadn’t had enough opportunities to wish for the important things. Because it often takes more than one wish to achieve those things.

I realized that in order to fulfill my deepest desires, I need to get more wishes.  I need to see more shooting stars.

And now I know how.

You see, I just read this morning that there is a modern day source for many of the shooting stars we see.


Astronaut Poop to be exact.

It’s true.  I read the news today, oh boy.  Only, sadly I can’t get this video  to embed.  So you need to click on that link.  Or this one.  It’s the same link.

And I learned that when it is, ummmmmm, flushed, well, astronaut poop becomes a shooting star.

Updated — with VIDEO!

So, in order to get all my wishes to come true, and you will agree, they are completely selfless, wonderful wishes, well, the answer is simple.

If I were to go up in space, with my Crohn’s Disease in full, well, flush, we could even get Donald Trump to shut up.

You’re welcome!


Filed under All The News You Need, All We Are Saying Is Give Peace A Chance, Bat-shit crazy, Beatles, Climate Change, Conspicuous consumption, Crohn's Disease, Poop, Useful thing to do with poop

God Has Spoken

Found on DailyKos

                             (Found on DailyKos but God said it.)


Filed under 2016, 2nd Amendment, Adult Traumas, All The News You Need, Bat-shit crazy, Cancer on Society, Church, Conspicuous consumption, Criminal Activity, Daily Kos, Disgustology, Gun control, Huh?, Seriously funny, WTF?