One if the best things about blogs/bloggers/blogging is the camaraderie. Because the more we all write blogs, the more we all read blogs and the more we all comment on each other’s blogs, the more fun we have. And of course, the more likely we are to meet fellow bloggers face to face in the unemployment line.
No, no, no. That’s not what I mean.
What I mean is that, we bloggers like to spread the wealth. Share the fun. Tell each other about other fun places to visit and enjoy. Other folks’ blogs. The more the merrier. (Hell, who wants to work at work anyway.)
Today I am honored to be pulled along in the wake of one of the funniest of all of my bloggin’ buddies, Peg O’Leg at her blog Peg-O-Leg’s Ramblings. Yup, today I’m posted over at Peg’s in her pretty darn new Wednesday feature called
“THIS One Should Have Been Freshly Pressed”!
Most of you know Peg as a gifted humor writer who can stand her ground among other brilliant Irish writers like James Joyce, Bram Stoker and Medbh McGuckian. Unlike Joyce, Peg is NEVER boring. Unlike Stoker, Peg never terrifies us. And unlike Medbh McGuckian, we all know who Peg IS. Plus we can spell her name, which is nice.
Now Peg created her “Should Have Been FP’d” feature after realizing that all of us bloggers, from time to time, hit the PUBLISH button thinking-hoping-wishing that the brilliant piece we’ve just posted will hit the Big Time. Reach the masses. Be Freshly Pressed. And then it misses. It doesn’t. It isn’t FP’d. Our hearts are broken when only two people end up reading that brilliant post, our STATS tank, and we need to drown our whines, in wine, ice cream and chocolate. Or, in Peg’s case, in anything Reese’s.
This has happened to you. It has happened to me. But Peg, with her big heart and blog feature eased my pain. So head on over to Peg’s to sample one of my favorite humor pieces and take in a big bunch of Peg’s. Please? I bribed her into including me in the feature by promising her brilliant stats. Don’t let me down!
The Ultimate Honor
Here’s the link in case you missed the other three links: http://pegoleg.com/. Not that I’m anxious, mind you. I just don’t have enough chocolate on hand to cope if you don’t head on over to Peg’s.
One of my first bloggin’ buddies, Georgette of Georgette Sullins’ Blog tagged me for a blogging game. My choice of morning activities was to respond or clean the house. Guess which I chose.
The Rules:
1. Post these rules. (CHECK)
2. Post a photo of yourself and eleven random facts about you. (CHECK-ish)
3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post. (CHECK)
4. Create eleven new questions and tag new people to answer them. (CHECK)
5. Go to their blog/twitter and let them know they have been tagged. (I’m goin’, I’m goin’)
Here’s me. Sort of.
Yes, I’m a hairy beast. Mine is more blondish red, but same idea (Google image)
Eleven facts you may not know about me.
No one has ever accused me of being neat.
I went to secretarial school.
People for whom I worked as a secretary in the 1970s are still trying to find stuff I filed.
My interest in politics started during the Vietnam War but really took off in my freshman year of college when a professor suggested I take his course then next semester. He thought I was brilliant, so I took his course for an easy “A.” It was a course on the Kennedys – the best history course I ever took.
I cannot work on one thing all day. My mind bounces around too much. I call it a “Superball”; others say it’s ADHD. You choose.
My husband John and I were introduced by my old boyfriend, Erik; they worked together. John and I often sat next to each other at firm functions and insulted each other mercilessly. Erik used to get really mad at me because “other people just don’t understand that you are joking.” John and I started dating 4-5 years after I broke up with the other guy. The “people that didn’t understand” were a bit surprised.
I was Daddy’s girl from the start. I’m guessing conception.
My brothers and sisters didn’t hate me because Daddy liked me best. They used me to get Dad to say “yes” to something they wanted. Worked for me.
I routinely skipped school in 4th grade.
I feel panicky whenever I have to drive across railroad tracks after living next to the NY-New Haven railroad line growing up.
When we got bored just hopping across the railroad tracks when a train was approaching, my brother and I used to pull down our pants and then hop across the tracks in front of approaching trains. Yup, every day is a gift.
Now, here are my answers to Georgette’s questions:
1. Did you have a cousin close in age to you?
Maureen, my mother’s sister Ruth’s daughter is 10 months older than me. Aunt Ruth was a widow and she and Maureen spent most Sundays at our house. Aunt Ruth was always placing Maureen and me back-to-back to see which was taller. Of course Maureen always “won.” It used to make me cry. I didn’t like Maureen much as a kid. We’re great friends now.
2. What was the first novel that transported you?
My sister Beth used to read my brother Fred and I the classics, right from the start, and I’ve always read voraciously. But the first time I remember really consciously being aware of the power of words to transport was when I read Great Expectations. I was then at the intersection between my own childhood and adolescence. Dickens, who was clearly an adult when he wrote it, was able to go back so clearly and understandingly into Pip’s childhood feelings that I was comforted that I’d always be able to go back to mine.
3. Is the work you do to pay the bills a passion or practical?
My career has been completely accidental. In my teens I dreamed of being an actress and a singer. My mother worked in an office and it seemed like the worst sort of drudgery imaginable. In my arrogance, I knew I was better than that. More interesting. More creative. Smarter. (See The Silver Lining – thankfully, I grew out of being such an ass. Mostly.)
But I had health problems – colitis they thought (it’s actually Crohn’s). I would always need health insurance and so my parents forced me, kicking and screaming, to secretarial school.
They were right. I HAVE always needed health insurance. But I managed to turn secretarial jobs into other (still office-bound) jobs that have been more rewarding and really interesting. I have been incredibly lucky.
My current job is wonderful. I get paid to write and to learn and to look at this wonderful view every day from my office window.
(Google image)
I have no complaints about taking the practical path.
4. Do you have a favorite country western song? If so, which is it?
5. If you could (or do) grow a garden would there be flowers or vegetables to fill it?
The only successful gardens I’ve ever had were vegetable ones. There is nothing like the taste of that first tomato.
6. What would you like to see in the US that you haven’t seen yet? Or abroad?
In the US, I’d like to see some more of the west, particularly the National Parks – the Grand Canyon and Yellowstone (Jellystone would be nice, too I’d love to meet Yogi and Boo-boo)
In Europe, I’d love to see Rome. But not when they’re trying to elect a Pope.
7. Have you ever caught a fish? If so, tell us about it.
One summer night when I was 7, our first summer living near the beach, my brother Fred grabbed me and we ran to the beach. There was a creek that ran with the tide, which was coming in. Fish were swimming upstream to spawn. The moon was full and shining off the silver scales of millions of fish. We went in the water and caught one with our hands, took it home and put it in the bathtub. We were going to keep it as a pet. He(?) surprisingly died and we buried him in our garden that year.
I’ve never seen anything like it. We never saw the fish migrate like that again — it was magical. I think of it every time I see moonlight on water.
8. What’s your favorite breakfast, lunch or dinner meal?
Dinner: Roast beef (medium rare) with gravy, egg noodles and green beans. I don’t eat too much beef any more so it is a rare and wonderful treat when I do.
9. Have you been surprised recently? What surprised you? When?
Blogging has surprised me constantly since I started doing it. I didn’t expect to make so many friends this way.
10. What is a state you have never traveled to, but you plan to visit someday?
Colorado. I’ve never been and I love mountains. It sounds like the perfect place. I’d also love to visit the Pacific Northwest.
11. Is there a 2012, 2013 movie you would recommend?
Lincoln and the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
Now I get to ask questions:
Were you closer to Mom or Dad (if you were spawned by aliens, please explain)
There are moments in history that everyone alive at that time remember (for me it was the Kennedy assassination). What was your first?
Favorite pet ever
Funniest quote
Best insult you ever delivered and why the recipient deserved it.
First memory
What do you dislike most about blogging?
Do your friends/family members read your blog?
How would you be using your time right now if you weren’t answering my stupid questions
Your dream job.
What you expect to be reincarnated as in your next life?
And now, my victims. Please feel free to ignore this or do it. It is your choice. I will not be hurt, I will not, in fact, stop stalking you. I chose folks I thought would continue speaking to me after naming them. If you’re not on it, you weren’t forgotten. But feel free to answer my questions. Feel free, in fact to make up your own.
This year, John and I are toning way down on gifts. Money is a bit tight, and we have a house full of the junk from Christmases past. We really don’t need any more.
So I’ve been trying to figure out something fun and different to give John this year. He’s so hard to buy for. He has plenty of clothes, electronics, crap. He’s asked for a few nice books, and I’ll be glad to get them. But I’ve been trying to figure out something different. Unusual. Unique. A gift he’ll never forget.
You’ll be happy to learn that while reading the news today, I found it. And it’s to die for.
I’m getting my husband a calendar. Well, not just any calendar. Nope. He’s getting:
Have you ever seen anything like it? I didn’t think so. Here’s a link to the rest of the 2012 lineup.
Surprisingly, there’s apparently quite a ruckus over in Poland about this calendar. Would you believe it, the Catholic Church is peeved. They think that it is disrespectful. The article I read said:
A church spokesman has said that human death should be treated with solemnity and not mixed up with sex.
You know, I’m beginning to think those bishops and cardinals just don’t get sex!
Still, we’re not Catholic, so we don’t have to worry. Beside’s I’m pretty sure John will love his calendar. He certainly won’t be able to guess what it is.
Damn it! My most recent pipe dream has just come crashing down around my ears.
You know, the one where I become a wildly successful, NY Times bestselling novelist because of the incredible stories I make up out of a combination of thin air, personal experience and plagiarism?
Yeah, that dream.
And it came crashing down because I must accept the fact that life is so much more colorful than anything I could make up. Yup, life is just wayyyyyy more exciting than my stories. Real life, especially during the runup to an election in the United States is in fact, completely surreal.
So don’t be rushin’ around to the bookstore. You’ll be disappointed.
What was it that forced reality into my otherwise happy existence?
Naturally, it was something I read. And while I am still drooling in shock, I am just not quite sure what it all means. I mean, how will things turn out? Because you see, I just read, that the women’s vote, which I’ve been counting on to get Obama over the edge, will be determined by where women are in their menstrual cycle. I had thought that, well, thought might play a role. But I guess not.
Apparently, it’s true. It’s been studied! So it must be right, right?
First of all, you won’t hear me comment on the fact that this study was conducted in Texas. Nope. Not one word. Total and absolute silence on the study’s lone star status.
The study was conducted by Kristina Durante at U of T.
Jimmy Durante and Pumpkin
The study presented the results of an internet survey of 502 women with regular menstrual cycles and who were not using hormone-based contraceptives (the pill, the patch and the like).
The researchers found that during the fertile time of the month, when levels of the hormone estrogen are high, single women appeared more likely to vote for Obama and committed women appeared more likely to vote for Romney, by a margin of at least 20%, Durante said. This seems to be the driver behind the researchers’ overall observation that single women were inclined toward Obama and committed women leaned toward Romney. [Yeah, that's my emphasis. How could I let you miss that gem?]
That’s ’cause, according to Durante (Kristina not Jimmy), women are feeling sexier, which of course makes them sluttier in my mind or, in Durante’s it makes them:
“lean more toward liberal attitudes on abortion and marriage equality.”
In other important research, Durante has also studied your period’s impact on other vital decisions, like your shopping choices.
When you go to Vote,
Go feeling really slutty –
Vote a Straight Democratic Ticket!
* * *
I found this fascinating information on Daily Kos, where I find some of the best stuff. Theyfound it at CNN! Yup, CNN, “The Most Trusted Name In News!” For some reason, though, CNN took down the link.
But here is the link Kos provided. Cause you really don’t want to miss this one.
This week, John and I are celebrating our 26th anniversary. Seriously! He has put up with hearing my stories repeated, time after time, and still has not run screaming from the house. Well, actually he has, but he comes back, so I don’t worry when I see him heading out the door.
Twenty-six years. Not bad, huh? It started with the Ode to Joy, which was played at our wedding.
Sadly, no Muppets came. Or maybe it would have ended badly had any Muppets shown up. We’ll never know.
The anniversary has gotten me thinking. What makes it work? Why is my marriage soperfect pretty damn good? Once I answered myself, I decided to post my good marriage tips for anyone thinking of getting married or trying to figure out if they, too, did it right.
Do not marry an asshole. You should not just love the person. You must like the person, too. Yup it’s true. It’s the first, the most basic, most fundamental criteria. Assholes make poor husbands/wives.
Never argue. John and I never argue. That’s because I let John make all the major decisions that impact our lives. I agree with him. On those times I disagree, well, then I do what I want to anyway. He rarely notices because I haven’t argued about it. Trust me, this technique is worth its weight in gold. Or jewelery. Or whatever it is you want that your husband thinks is stupid.
Admit your faults. I am a kleptomaniac, and always have been. I steal blankets. Every night of my life I have taken them from whomever is fortunate/unfortunate enough to be sleeping with me. Friends, lovers, children, husband, dogs, repairmen. You name it. If it is cold, I am toasty. If it is hot, the blankets are on the floor on my side of the bed. Otherwise, I am damn near perfect.
Make the bed with separate sheets and blankets for each side. It looks like hell, but it is the single factor that has kept my husband in that bed. Well, maybe not the only factor.
Use Gax-X. I’m not saying who.
Pretend to like baseball. Seriously, it’s not that hard. I mean, they only play 7 days a week for more than half the year. Unless the team is really good and then they play longer. An occasional “what a hit” is the wifely version of “no, it doesn’t make you look fat.” All bets are off, however, when he discovers a second team that he also needs to follow.
Have more than one TV in the house. See previous tip and accept your limits.
Appreciate his gifts. They are from his heart. I am particularly lucky in this regard. John generally gives me either books or jewelry. In 26 years, he has given me approximately 300 books. He’s given me only 2 duds. Not bad, huh? He chooses books that he doesn’t secretly want to read – just ones that he thinks I will like. And he’s right nearly always.
John’s taste in jewelry has also been fabulous. He gives me simple, tasteful pieces. Yes I am lucky. No gaudy jewelry for me! Except that once.
Never tell him that that 10th Anniversary Ring He Gave You Was the Ugliest Thing You’d Ever Seen. When someone gives me a gift, I think of the love and effort it took to go out, choose and purchase that gift. Whether I like it or not, well, that’s secondary. So I lie. I tell them I love it. Every time. It’s usually not too difficult.
Our finances improved significantly just around the time of our 10th anniversary. John was able to buy me an expensive piece of jewelry. Now I’m not an expensive jewelry kind of girl. (If I am ever had to sell my jewelry to live I would last approximately 3.5 days.)
But that year, well, John went all out. He bought me a HUGE ring. It was a 400 carat emerald ring with baguette diamonds swirling around and around and around the center emerald. Lots and lots of baguettes. Yes, it was a grandma ring.Picture a large emerald losing a fight with a diamond paisley. When I told John that it was beautiful, well, I should have gotten an Oscar (it would have been my 3rd!). Sadly, the ring was too big and I had to take it to the jewelry store to have it sized. That day I cashed in a whole bunch of my lucky stars.
Never admit that when the jeweler shattered the center stone of that horrid ring, that tears streamed down your face because you were desperately trying not to laugh — happy in the knowledge that you would never have to wear that horrible thing. And that you didn’t have to hurt his feelings by telling him it was ugly and you hated it. Shhhhh. Don’t tell.
I’d love to meet Yogi and Boo-boo)
