Sometimes, These Things Happen

Unless you’re like me, you probably won’t believe this story.

No, this time it didn’t happen to me.  I don’t even know the principle characters involved in the story.  But I’m sure it’s true.

You see, there are some folks whose lives are filled with bizarre, inexplicable experiences.  Adventures.

I’m one of them.  After I was once held for ransom by the Washington Post, my friend Diana shook her head, laughed and said,

“Elyse, everywhere you go, you have adventures.”

She kindly refrained from inserting the word “stupid” in that sentence.  Still, she was right.

And I’m not alone.  In fact, based on the comments I received to my I Was Held For Ransom by the Washington Post story, there are a whole lot of us out there.

But perhaps no one is as “out there” – literally – as Nathan Baron, a high school student from Maine whom I just read about.

Yes, friends, Nathan is one of us.  Weird things just happen to him.  And last Saturday, well, something really strange happened while he was out there.  As in outside.  While he was hunting.

Nathan was sitting in a chair with his Remington .30-06 rifle, hunting.  No, sitting while hunting wasn’t the strange part.  But can I just please interject here that my image of the masculine hunter bringing home dinner has never before involved a collapsible Coleman chair?  Isn’t there some sort of stalking and movement involved in hunting?  Shouldn’t you at least have to stand for a while to make it more sporting?

Why be uncomfortable before drawing blood?  (Google Image)

Why be uncomfortable?
(Google Image)

Well, fortunately for Nathan, he was hunting in the woods just across from his house, because he had to poo (see, I told you that Nathan was just like me – I always have to go at the most inconvenient times).  Nathan plopped his gun up against a tree, climbed onto his 4 wheeler, and headed home to do his business comfortably.

[I gotta say it:  Nathan is not a bear.  So he doesn’t, you know … ]

Anyway, when he got back to his comfy chair in the woods from which he could shoot things, he couldn’t find his gun.  And that, of course, makes hunting that much more difficult.  What could possibly have happened to his gun?

As Nathan reported to the Bangor Daily News:

“There was a stream that was running about 100 feet away from me. I look, and there’s a beaver hauling that gun into the water,” he said.

The article continued: ” Let’s take a moment to let that sink in.  A beaver.  Stole.  His gun.”

Yes, apparently, the beaver just hauled it on home to his lodge without even getting a background check.

I will say that I’ve had many weird things happen to me, but none involved beavers.  Moreover, none of my guns has ever been taken by a wild animal.  Perhaps that is because I am smart enough to not have guns, which are dangerous in the wrong, ummm, paws.  And of course not having any guns makes it that much easier to keep them away from wildlife.  And bad guys.

But you know, I completely believe Nathan’s story.  Because weird, hard to believe things have happened to me my whole life.

Besides, who could make up such a stupid story?

I wonder if Nathan has a blog.

*     *     *

This is my 300th post!  Thanks everybody for making blogging such a delightful way to spend time.

72 Comments

Filed under Bloggin' Buddies, Childhood Traumas, Gun control, Huh?, Humor, Maine, Stupidity, Wild Beasts

72 responses to “Sometimes, These Things Happen

  1. Congrats on 300 posts! If guns were outlawed the beavers wouldn’t have to steal them to keep them out of the hands of hunters.

    • Thanks, Benze. I had a funny response all ready, when I noticed this ad at the side of the email post with your comment and it cracked me up:
      Deer & Deer Hunting® Mag.
      Subscribe, Give as a Gift or Renew. Lowest Authorized Pricing, No S&H.
      deeranddeerhunting.com/Magazine

      Yup. The marketers have me figured out . ..

      Thanks for catching up with all my back posts!

  2. Congrats on your 300th! You know if guns are outlawed, only beavers will have guns – just something to think about :)

  3. Thank you, Elyse. Your story about Nathan had me chuckling out loud as soon as you called him out for “hunting” while sitting in the comfort of a collapsible Coleman chair. But the beaver hauling Nathan’s hunting rifle into a stream was just great! :-D

    And Congrats on writing your 300th post!

  4. Pingback: Talking Turkey with Mom | FiftyFourandAHalf

  5. Congratulations on your 300th post. Beware of beavers.

  6. Smart beaver … maybe we need more beavers in places where people have guns… :-)

    Congrats on 300!

  7. Well, I for one am in love with a life that gets to experience the unexpected!

    Congrats and Cheers on the 300th post. WHOOT WHOOT!

  8. Congrats on your 300th post, Elyse.

    Why would he leave his gun unattended? He’s lucky it was only a beaver that made off with it.

    • Who knows what might have happened if a bear had gotten it. All those pic-I-nic baskets!

      Seriously, though. What a maroon. And it highlights the fact that any dope can play with a gun.

  9. Snoring Dog Studio

    Guns don’t hurt people; beavers with guns hurt people. I apologize if any one else has said that already. Perhaps Nathan will turn to more productive pursuits after this. Nature has a way of instructing us, doesn’t it?

    • It was important that somebody say that, SDS. I’m glad it was you. ;)

      Somehow, I doubt that Nathan will learn to read books (or blogs?!) instead of shooting critters. Sad.

  10. Okay, first off Elyse…congrats on the 300th posting. Amazing! Now, as we wipe the tears from our eyes with the tissue, I’ll try & type. The first image we got, while reading your post, was the cartoon Open Season. If you haven’t seen it. Please promise you will. The creatures in the forest turn on the hunters & fight back. Clearly this beaver seen Open Season. As for believing it. We can totally believe it. Like yourself, we have had the pleasure of falling prey to the strangest of incidents somehow meeting the requirements of mother natures suckers. One including a defective seat belt & a first day on the job at the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, when three agents had to cut me out of my seat belt. Loved this post, Elyse & sharing now. :)

    • Thanks for your comment, I&M. I have seen that comic– a Far Side one if I am remembering right. Brilliant!

      And you can’t just leave me wondering about that story without at least promising to tell that story on your blog ….

  11. Luanne

    Congrats on the 300, Elyse! Animals are amazing creatures. Now I’m worried about some smart little beaver accidentally blowing off the heads of his dear children because some idiotic person you know has to hunt with a gun from the convenience of a Coleman chair.

  12. Considering the things I’ve written about in my blog, do you think anyone would ever believe I’m not one of these people that weird stuff happens to? I think not. At least I don’t own any kind of weapon. I am my own lethal weapon.

  13. Twindaddy

    This is hilarious.

  14. So…what’s the weird part? ;)

    Congrats on 300!

  15. If beavers can haul off logs to make a dam, they surely can haul off a gun. I believe this story, too. Congrats on 300!

    • Actually, I can imagine it too. I’ve seen them hauling large trees through the water, and the diameter of the gun, presumably with a wooden handle, would not stretch the imagination — “hey look, this one’s already cut!” Although I wonder if a gun wouldn’t actually sink. Perhaps Buck-o Beaver lives in a shallow stream …

      Thanks for the good wishes! And for being one of my very first followers!

  16. I am laughing my azz off at the idiocy of Nathan leaving his gun in the woods. What an idiot. Now the beaver can protect his home and family from fools in the woods.

    Congrats on 300

    • Yes, Nathan was not very smart to leave his gun in the woods like that. Let’s just hope we don’t read about any murder-suicides in beaver lodges up there in Maine.

  17. Way to stand your ground, Beaver. Looking forward to the next 300 posts, Elyse (no pressure).

  18. I must assume that Nathan is somehow related to ALL of us who walk this earth and gather stories that no one will believe. Props to the Beaver for teaching Nathan an important lesson on gun safety…that beaver rocks!
    Ps. That photo is hilarious!!

  19. You’re a great storyteller…making the weird so interesting and funny!!! Well done!!

  20. Congrats on 300 posts! And each one (not that I’ve read them all, I admit), but still, each one (I’m sure), reflecting your unique wit & view of the world. Thankyou for writing, cheers gabrielle :-)

    • What?!? You haven’t read all 300 of my posts? I think we both know what you will be doing this weekend, don’t we! Because I know where there is an armed beaver and I’m not afraid to use him. OR her.

  21. Sure, maybe a beaver stole his gun — but maybe, just maybe, this is all part of his plan to murder someone and frame an innocent rodent.

    • There has been a rash of aggressive beavers around here, actually, so you may be right. Most of them were in the former Russian republic of Belarus (goin’ after the bear, no doubt), but there have been a few attacks closer to home here in VA. I could only find this article about one in nearby NC:

      http://raleightelegram.com/201208032610

      So you never know who is framing whom.

  22. I tried not to hurt myself laughing at the bear comment, but then when you had to go and add the “none involved beavers” comment, all bets were off.

    Perfectly timed, wonderfully told, and still shaking my head. I’ll bet your blog gets all sorts of tantalizing hits for the repetitive use of the word for the flat-tailed rodent-like creature that was armed to the teeth. get it? teeth?

    :-B (buck-toothed smiley face?)

  23. That is the strangest, funniest story!

  24. Of course you believe him … I wouldn’t expect anything less. In terms of #300 …. hooray! …. thus a gift for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TUJooBlGvQ

  25. pinklightsabre

    Congratulations on 300! That’s awesome! Well done.

  26. Unlike most gun owners, animals in the wild actually have a valid justification for owning guns. Animals constantly have to deal with armed thugs coming to kill them and their families.

  27. Wildlife’s form of gun control. Well played, beaver, well played…

  28. If every blog post involved a beaver, the blogoshpere would be my heaven.

    • I love beavers. There are bunches of them around where I live and I am always impressed at the trees they take down with their teeth. I simply get food particles between mine and that doesn’t do the world much good.

  29. The animals seem to get it. If only the humans did.

Play nice, please.

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