I’m a Serial Killer

Oh Lord.  I’m not quite sure how to handle the guilt.  Will I need therapy?  Drugs?  Electric shock treatments?

I considered going to confession.  But as a lapsed Catholic I didn’t want to risk it.

You can't be too careful

You can’t be too careful

What will happen to me?  To my family?  How will my husband, my son, my brothers, live with the shame of being family members of one such as me.

And what if I go to jail?  I’ve never been, but I’ve watched enough prison movies to know I wouldn’t do well there.  I won’t  last long at all.  The other cons will hate me and make sure I pay dearly.

But it’s not my fault.  I didn’t know.  If I had, I know I’d have lived my life differently.

You see today I learned that I am a serial killer. You’d think I might have noticed before now, wouldn’t you?  That I’d be scurrying around, digging holes in the basement floor or the back yard. That I would be having all sorts of bonfires.  That at a minimum I would have purchased a wood-chipper to dispose of the evidence.

Nope.  It wasn’t necessary.

You see, I have been carrying the bodies around with me for decades.  No wonder I’m tired all the time.

I know you didn’t listen to the video.  But you should have.  Because then you’d know that because I have used birth control pills – contraceptives – Pastor Kevin Swanson thinks I am a serial murderer with a uterus filled with dead fetuses.

Ewwwww.  Got any Massengil?

Make mine a double!

Make mine a double!

 *   *   *

Tell me, is there a contest going on to see which right-wing fanatic can say the stupidest thing ever heard by mankind?

Do I get a vote?

Because this comment is clearly a contender.

All images from Google.  Thanks Google!


Filed under Childhood Traumas, Health and Medicine, Hypocrisy, Science, Stupidity

86 responses to “I’m a Serial Killer

  1. Well maybe they will put us all in the same jail. I wonder if they need evidence because I had my uterus removed. It must of been all those dead fetus rolled up into a fibrous the size of a grapefruit. He’s a dick. I take a medication that cost over $3000.00 a month. In 2011 medicare didn’t cover it. This medication allowed me to get off oxygen. They started testing it for erectile dysfunction. In 2012 medicare now covers it there is no generic. SMH

  2. Wow. I hadn’t heard that one before. Just when you think they can’t get more insane, one of them comes up with an even more asinine statement. I guess every woman I know is a serial killer then. Those prisons are going to be mighty crowded with all of us vicious, ungodly embryo murderers.

  3. Well, that explains the persistent belly fat.

  4. Elyse, I agree with Artsyfrtsy. I am a Christian (both pro-life and pro-choice because it’s complicated and ultimately a decision between a woman and her God), and I wouldn’t let that man on the video near me or my family for love nor money. More and more people are fleeing the Christian (Conservative) churches because of Neanderthals like him and if they are like me, they won’t be going back until the leaders start walking the talk and come to their senses (the progressive Evangelicals are much more together and embrace science, so their is hope). Trust me, more and more of us are coming forward and saying: “We’re mad as hell, and we’re not going to put up with this stupidity, hatred, bigotry, and mental illness anymore. We are Christians but we’re not that kind of Christian!” Take care. ET

    • I hope you’re right Eleanor, but I see more and more of these folks. They are getting elected to state offices and changing the dialog and direction of government. Virginia and ultrasounds (and hey, Virginia’s House just voted to get our own currency!) other states and similar measures. I don’t really care what some one believes. I do care what they try to use as a weapon to adversely affect my life.

      I’m hoping that the general public is now waking up. Trouble is the crazies are in charge of the loony bin.

  5. GOF

    I’m almost speechless that thoughtless fools like Kevin have influence in the twentieth century. Astonishing stupidity.

  6. The frightening thing is that some medical person actually would tell this crackpot something like this. I’m in charge of my own “womb” and I don’t have any dead guests in there, thank you.

  7. I just want to be clear on this. If I took birth control pills to control symptoms of abnormal menstrual cycles and didn’t have sex hardly at all, would my uterus be an egg graveyard? a potential fetus graveyard?

    What does the good Reverend have to say about men’s penises and condoms? If they wear them, is it like a gun barrel than doesn’t discharge properly and can kersplode internally? Oh, sorry, birth control is about controlling women. Silly me.

    I think I shall go lay in a fetal position for a while and ponder how microphones get near the mouths of some people…

  8. twindaddy

    Geez, if that’s what they think I’d hate to know what they think of men who masturbate. Each time is a death toll higher than the holocaust.

  9. Just when I thought it was safe, you provide me with fodder for some of my worse nightmares. OK, they weren’t really nightmares. They were wide awake have to watch them moments or find someone else to do the job. There was a time I had to screen content for these wackjobs so that we didn’t let something too cray cray go out and if we did I had to come up with the PR story of why we thought it should air. The sad part is that I would have somehow “lost” this one while others in the building would have agreed with it and aired it. I think I will be needing a straight jacket with my cell.

    • Oh God, Michelle — that must have been awful.

      Perhaps a padded cell would be in order for you and me both, it sounds so much more comfortable than a straight jacket!

      • Yeah, a padded cell. That would be good. As far as the screening goes there were times that it was actually just hysterical. I would be in my office laughing my butt off because it was so bizarre you knew it had to be a parody or something. And then you found out it wasn’t.

  10. I’ve wondered about that contest, too. It seems that Tennessee has the lead.

  11. Science!
    Pastor Kevin looks completely normal by the way. Nothing wrong with him. No dead fetuses piled up in his womb, no sir.

  12. Will they let us blog from our jail cells?

  13. Are we just noticing these people more because of the internet, or, are there just more of them then there used to be?

    I wonder….

    • I imagine they were always there, John. But we never had to look at them, hear them. Now they get their 15 minutes of fame and can dream that they too can reach the heights of Glenn Beck.

    • I think they were always there, but now they have a platform. And a dream that they can ride the stupid train to stardom.

  14. Be fair, it’s a stupid’s right to choose.

    America has got to educate itself. If asomeone said that in Europe, they would be laughed at and unable to show their face in public again. You have radio stations that will discuss this kind of bile with all seriouness.

    great start to my day – thank you :-)

    • Bill, Bill, Bill. Don’t you think that edukating us is just precisely what Pastor Kevin Swanson is doing? He says he has e-v-i-d-e-n-c-e! I for one believe he does. It’s just invisible. And unpublished/able.

      I agree that this type of talk radio is dangerous. There should be standards so no one can say total bullshit on the air. There should also be some sort of quality filter in the minds of folks listening.

  15. omigosh!!! i thought my doctor said not to be sedentary, not a cemetery!!! :o

  16. What a kook – It’s unbelievable how ignorant this man is.

    • But there are people who listen to stuff like this. And they believe. That scares me much more than this idiot (or my future prison sentence).

      • There are, but they are the fringe. I think that there will always be a crazy fringe that makes any discussion of abortion or guns or any hot button topic impossible. Most people of faith that I know would find this kook ridiculous.

        • But they are making progress — they have shut down abortion or nearly so in many states and are now going after contraceptives too. They are trying to send women back to the 1930s (before Rosie the Riveter began the process of freeing us). We do need to pay attention — if only by making sure we ridicule them and let everyone join in the fun.

          • I know they make more noise, but they represent a smaller and smaller portion of the Christian or even Conservative base. This kind of rhetoric actually pushes people away. I wish there were a way to have a reasonable discussion on things like abortion without the kooks taking up all the oxygen. I agree we need to pay attention but guys like this make me cringe. Sometimes they forget that bit about hating your brother being equal to murder in the eyes of God – maybe they are the serial killers.

  17. Forget about birth control…just think of all those eggs that get killed every 28 days.

    I am somewhat comforted by that fact that I ever suffer permanent brain damage through some ghastly industrial accident, I will always have a place to go in either politics or religion…

  18. Srsly? WTF are these dudes smoking? I have a calendar on my wall that says the year is 2013, not 1013. I can’t believe the crap ignorant people are allowed to preach to the idiotic masses. Does anyone believe this nonsense?

    • Welcome Sofia,
      It is scary, isn’t it. There seems to be a growth industry — spreading ignorance. I am not sure what the antidote is.

      • Education by people who actually know what they’re talking about. Oh, wait, I forget that we don’t fund schools here in the good ol’ USA – a collection of allegories written and approved by the Catholic church almost 1000 years ago is as good a book as any to “educate” the masses, right? No matter that science and society have made major progress and what we know about the Universe is so much more complete than it was back then. Until the Patriarchy undergoes a good purge, there is no solution to this crap and women and children pay the price. Makes me so mad!

  19. Really? I listened because I had to know just how big of a cell I had to get you.


    What an effing azzhat he is and the ijit interviewing him as well.

    • I hope you ordered me a padded cell, Val.

      The scary thing is that there is a market for this man’s stupidity. That there are listeners. It is hard to decide who is the bigger ijit — the Rev or the perso that doesn’t change the channel.

  20. I think jail is going to be mighty full……

  21. Wow. To think I went through medical school and residency and never knew this…

    Talk about ignorance. This is just scary. But hey, it’s a good thing we have plenty of erectile dysfunction drugs on the market…

    • I think your mistake was in trying to get an edukashun. You are smarter than that.

      I am often stunned by the stupidity of things people do. But you know there needs to be some sort of quality control on talk radio/tv. You should not be allowed to say something you claim is based in science without, you know, showing that it is based in actual science.

      • And what’s really bad is when some of our science-challenged congressmen end up on the science committees, like the guy who said the infamous rape comment (Akin) and the one who doesn’t believe in evolution (Broun).

        • There is nothing like highly placed stupidity to really round out a guvment, I always say.

          The same, of course, goes for climate change and just about every other data driven area of public discourse. It is discouraging.

  22. I can’t even watch the video. I don’t want to hear it. I’ll crawl back into my cave and wait for my caveman to bring home my dinner.

    • I imagine many people won’t watch the video — it is so painfully stupid to see this man claim to have medical evidence. (As someone who presents medical evidence in writing one thing I’ve learned is that you have to actually have evidence.

      Nope. There’s no GOP War on Women. Nope. Nothing to see here …

  23. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
    Actually, I’d be more worried about people dying laughing from this bozo.

  24. Clinton

    I notice that it always seems to be men that allow this nonsense to escape their lips. I wonder if testosterone could be declared a mind altering substance to facilitate barring them from taking office, or voting.

    • I am not opposed to men holding office — I know a few rather bright ones. But these right wing guys just need to stick a sock in it.

      This guy, thankfully, is not in office. He’s got a pulpit though and a radio show. And, ummm, questionable facts!

  25. This kind of stupid makes my ovaries hurt (and they’ll practically dead already).

  26. There are so many choices in Stupid.

Play nice, please.

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