Before 1986 there were two things in life I was certain about. Things I never got wrong on a pop quiz. Things that I could recite in my sleep.
First my name. Elyse Ellen E….
When I got married I didn’t have to change my name. That was until the woman I worked for at the time announced that I absolutely could not change my name. So naturally the decision was made and I changed it.
Besides, nobody ever pronounced my maiden name correctly; it drove me crazy. Nobody pronounces my married name right either, but it’s John’s name not mine, so I don’t care. Butcher away, folks.
The second thing I always got right was my birthday. January 18, 1957. Simple. Easy. I had a document from the State of Connecticut with a raised seal to prove that I was born on that date around 3 a.m. in the morning (sorry Mom and Dad). But I didn’t know that I would end up changing my birthday when I got married too.
Actually, I can blame this one on the same boss. It was Anna’s fault. Yup.
The summer before we got married, I was working as a high level lobbyist and John was a lowly government employee. OK, actually, I was a lowly lobbying flunky and John was pretty high up in the U.S. government. But still.
One afternoon when I was supposed to meet John for some wedding prep stuff, something earth-shatteringly important happened involving my job. It was so vitally important to the rest of the history of the world that I can’t at this moment quite put my finger on just exactly what it was.
Anyway, we were supposed to go to the DC City Office and get our marriage license. Now stop it, readers. This event was nothing like you see in those old movies, with movie stars in great hats.
Really, there was nothing romantic about it at all. I don’t think. Not so I’ve heard, anyway.
So anyway, John got our marriage license, and we got married a month or so later in a lovely church service in the church where John’s parents had been married 40 years earlier. Family and friends were in attendance.
All was good until my birthday rolled around, when John made a major confession.
“Ummm, Lease,” he said quietly. “When I got the marriage license, I mistakenly put down January 17th not 18th as your birthday.”
“You what?”
“Yeah. Oops. I guess that means that either your birthday is January 17th or we’re not married.”
“No, I’m pretty sure it just means that I married an idiot.”
We would have happily left it at that if it hadn’t been for my family. They betrayed me. Each and every one of them called me on the 17th to wish me a Happy Birthday that year — thinking my new husband would be taking me out to dinner on my actual birthday January 18th.
I have a large family. Even distant cousins nine times removed called on the 17th.
“See,” John said proudly, “I was right. Your birthday is obviously on the 17th because everybody is calling to wish you a happy birthday!”
This scene has been replayed every blippin’ year for 25 years. This year it will be an even 26 birthdays. And never a call on the 18th.
To make matters worse, though, I put the final nail in my own coffin myself last year. You see, I wanted to let all my bloggin’ buddies know it was my birthday. Plus I needed to address the glaring issue of my stupid blog name. And so I wrote this post: People My Age.
And because I didn’t know how to schedule posts in those days, and because a lot of my readers were from Europe and Asia, well, I posted it on January bloody 17th.
So this year I’ve given up. My birthday is January 17th from now on. Or the 18th. Whenever. Gifts will be gracefully received all month long, however.
FiftyFourandAHalf 
Pingback: The Spotlight’s on You! Vol 1:3 | Crumbsnatcher Tales
Some people would kill to have a redo the day after. Happy Belated Birthdays to you!
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Thanks. Actually, I celebrated for 5 days. It worked out well.
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In keeping with my long-standing tradition of missing birthdays (whenever they are), happy belated birthday! 😉 I loved the line about your birthday either being the 17th or you not being married and you said, “No, I married an idiot!” Perfect! 🙂
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Well, he’s only an idiot occasionally! Thanks for the birthday wishes. I have officially stopped celebrating after 5 days. It was a great weekend!
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Happy birthdays Elyse. Great story.
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Thanks GOF. I’m still celebrating and it’s now the 20th. I think I’m going to do this every year.
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Hahahaha!! You tell the best stories Elyse! This is right up there with the beer-drinking dog!
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You had me really confused with this comment, El. I first read it on my iPhone and was trying to figure out what was funny about my gun control story. Now I get it.
My funniest stories often involve males — my dogs, my husband. You know, the beasts in my life!
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Happy Birthday!
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Thanks, YS!
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Since I didn’t see this until January 18th, I’ll wish you a Happy Birthday today!
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And I didn’t see your comment until now. The legal day is the 18th so you’re safe. But I am celebrating all weekend so feel free to say “happy birthday” again over the next few days!
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Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday . . .
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Thanks Benze. Day four and counting!
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Since. You. Are. Living. At. Half. The. Speed. We. Are, I. Am. Typing. This. Slowly. So. It. Doesn’t. Run. Too. Fast. When. You. Read. It.
Happy. Birthday, Elyse. !. :p 😀
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T.h.a.n.k. Y. O.u.
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Since I’m a day late getting here,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELYSE!!!!
And many more.
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Getting here today simply means you are smarter than Mr. AndAHalf, which is saying something because he is truly brilliant!
Thanks Guap~
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I refuse to give in…..
Happy real birthday. Happy personal new year. Happy days. Happy whatever you want it to be.
If I were there today, I would take you out to wherever you wanted to go and celebrate however in the whole world you wanted to celebrate. Happy happy happy birthday.
You and I are of an age. I think we should celebrate with Jimi:
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Thanks Val! Whenever we (finally) get together we will have a party. Thanks for the Jimi clip; I had forgotten. Now it is off to my birthday dinner!
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You always make me laugh. Loved this story. and Happy Birthday!! (did I get it on the right day? what the hell day is it anyway??)
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You got the right day, Darla. At least according to my birth certificate, if not according to my husband. But heck, living in sin sounds so much better than boring old marriage, doesn’t it?
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Happy Birthday, Elyse!
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Thanks, Sandy! It’s a lovely sunny day so it is going well.
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Happy birthday, Elyse!!!!
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I would have declared a 48 hour birthday with presents and adoration expected on both days 🙂
Regardless of what day it is you celebrate, have a happy birthday and a great year!
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Thanks Paprika! I am willing to celebrate for days, actually. I have a 3 day weekend coming up, a nice dinner planned … it will certainly do!
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The 17th or 18th all the same when you’re over 50. Hell you could change your birthday to January 7th or February 7th and you will still be 56. 🙂 Have a wonderful Birthday whenever you celebrate. And many more.
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Thanks. I think! Actually I tried to switch to celebrating my half birthday — January is a sad month in my family. Nobody would do it though. Sigh.
OH well. I will take the dinners and the presents when they come!
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Enjoy the best way you can. Mine is Febuary3rd I’m 3 years younger than you. being born in 1960. Imagine when I was young I wanted to be born in the 1950’s now I wish I was born in the 70’s. Sigh.
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People are never happy with their age or their hair, I think! Thanks for the wishes. My day started with a wonderfully easy commute — in DC that is unheard of. I think this means a good year.
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🙂 good sign.
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Brilliant story, there’s nothing wrong with the 17th, it was my birthday then too! I’m counting the January birthdays now as about 8 people I follow had theirs this month, there must be something in that. Have a great few days!
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Happy Birthday, Joe — you can come on out to dinner with us tonight!
Capricorns are brilliant, hard working. Creative. (Not at all hard headed) Right? That’s why we’re all such amazing bloggers. Right? Joe? Joe …
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🙂 I agree 100%
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Happy, happy birthay!
Sounds like John built in a birthday fail-safe for himself … if he forgets your ‘official’ birthday on the 17th, he still has a day’s notice to rustle up gifts and a dinner reservation for the ‘real’ one on the 18th … smart guy!
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Well, I’ll agree he’s smart — most of the time! We generally celebrate on the closest non-school night. We are old!
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Happy birthday. It’s still the 17th here but probably the 18th where you are, so you can decide which day I said it on. That’s my present to you. You’re welcome.
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You are a generous soul, Laura. Thanks. And Happy Friday!
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Happy birthday!! John should buy you gifts and celebratory dinners on both the 17th AND the 18th.
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Or maybe apology presents on the 17th and celebration presents on the 18th?
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That would work out well, Susan, I’ll suggest it. Or maybe I will simply cut out the middleman and go shopping with a credit card!
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This year because I finally went with it, nobody called me on the 17th. Not one single person. You know what they say, you can’t win for losing.
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Happy Birthday Elyse!
My mom had a similar story. She was the sixth child and was born on the at home on a dairy farm in Virginia. Her family celebrated her birthday on April 26th. When she got married she obtained her birth certificate she discovered that her birthday was listed as the 24th. Over the years she would quiz her older siblings trying to figure out which day was correct – was she born on Friday or on Sunday – school day or church day. Her siblings had differing answers. She went with the legal document and we celebrated on the 24th and she assumed that they just made a mistake when her parents forgot the real date.
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Oh these days that would result in many years of therapy — “my parents don’t even remember my birth.” In the old days they just went with it!
Great story, Lorri.
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LOL – I can’t imagine her ever even seeing the situation being about her – her folks were busy – at least they registered her birth 🙂
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That’s the difference between generations, isn’t it. Folks didn’t take things to heart back then. They shouldn’t now!
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Agreed!
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Nice still from Arsenic & Old Lace…
Happy Birthday – party on! I’m only two months older than you….
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It seemed an appropriate picture — Cary Grant was born on my real birthday.
Happy belated. Does that mean you are fiftyfourandThree-quarters?
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I’ve always felt that age is just a meaningless number — so, if you suddenly decide you want to start celebrating it in June, that’s quite ok with me.
Happy Anniversary of Your Birth!
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I’ve actually tried to swing the celebration to my half birthday because January isn’t a happy month for me. Nobody would go along with celebrating my half birthday, though.
Thanks for the wishes!
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Happy 48 hours of solid birthday celebration, Elyse!
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That’s the ticket! Thanks Moms!
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What a fun story. Real life makes the best tales.
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Absolutely! I agree 100%
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Alright … you’ve given me a reason to have a wine toast tonight and one tomorrow … and I can thank the idiot for that one. Happy Birthday each day! Off to get my wine.
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Ooh, get me some too! But only I am allowed to call him an idiot. I must keep my loyalty to my lord and master ;).
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Yes dear Queen … I stand corrected … but that line in this post cracked me up!!! …. so cheers with a sale item from Whole Food – Parducci Sustainable Red.
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I’ve been using that line the whole time, actually. I like it too. But I don’t want him to think ill of my blogging buddies (just of me). Of course, he won’t read this post, either, so you’re safe!
But it sounds like you’re going to pickle me in that wine, Frank. So that I can be 54.5 forever!
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No problem … and I remember the reason for 54.5 … 1.5 ago.
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🙂
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Besides, I’m ahead of you by a handful of years.
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OK, you can have another glass.
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Raincheck until tomorrow.
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Now I have 3 favorite people who share the 17th as a birthday. You, Michelle Obama and my girl Betty White! John should really be commended for this act of genius.
Best Wishes for a Happy Double Birthday and for a joyful year ahead!
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Thanks Tops. Is that better than being born on the same day as Cary Grant, Daniel Webster and A.A.Milne. I am so confused …
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What the heck – take ’em both for your birthday. Double presents, too. I’m feeling generous today!
Oh, and one of those moments when life takes a lemon meringue pie with “YOU’RE OLD” written on it and slams you in the face with it? NBC News tells me Michelle Obama turned 49 today. Forty-friggin’-nine. First Ladies are supposed to be OLDER than I am! Didn’t they read the dang contract?!? 😀
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Talk about the contract! The Golden Globes just gave a “lifetime” achievement award to someone young enough to be my kid. Just barely my kid, but still!!
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What ‘cha’ gonna gimme, John?
I’m waiting!
I remember thinking how odd it must be for my dad to have a president born in the same year as he was — it was Kennedy. The President is now younger than me (as is his wife). I am old, John. Old. And I worry about having two birthdays in one year or I will be aging too damn fast. And I am doing that already!
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But you’re cool Elyse – you’ll stay Fiftyfourandahalf, won’t you?
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Yes. Inertia is the great instrument of non-change.
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No, no, you misunderstand. YOUR birthday lasts two of OUR days. So YOUR 48 hours is our 24 hours, so you’re aging half as fast as the rest of us. Soon, I’ll be old enough to be your grandfather.
THERE is your present. An unsettling feeling of dread. Enjoy! 😈
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Well now John I am pretty sure it will take me several birthdays to figure out this comment. You are clearly back, John. And I am glad!
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Thanks for the and the LOL. And happy birthday or birthdays!
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Thanks Susan. I think I will go for multiples. Unless of course that means I age twice for each calendar year. That might get a little bit gruesome after a while.
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I think the universe is trying to tell you something. Happy birthday!
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Is the universe trying to tell me that I married an idiot? That’s been my argument all along. thanks for the b-day wish!
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Haha. If my husband read your comment, he’d think I wrote it, because that sounds like something I’d say. 🙂
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We all did. Married idiots. Or at least they are at times. It humanizes us, don’t you think?
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Hey! On behalf of all the husbands out there, I resemble that remark!
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I meant it both ways. Women are idiots sometimes too. Albeit way less frequently.
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Happy birthday! Either way you can’t lose!
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You’re right, Kate. Unless I need to divorce him and have to deal with other lawyers … I guess I’d better stay put!
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I’m sorry to hear you don’t rightly know your birthday. You’re a smart woman working for the government and don’t know your own birthday? Hmmmm….
Happy Birthday to you. Plenty more of where those came from. 🙂
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Apparently I was not smart enough to show up to fill in the correct boxes myself. It would have been much wiser in the long run!
Thanks for the birthday wishes, Totsy.
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Happy, Happy Birthday!! No matter what day you celebrate it!! This is one of the easier things to deal with…that change as we get older! Ha!!
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That’s true, Sage. I am just going with it — both days, I think. And maybe the weekend too. Why not?!
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And a very very happy one to you Elyse. And by the way, I’m impressed that John got your birthday almost-right in the first place. A fine omen.
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He’s a good guy. He gets many things right, actually. I’m usually the one who forgets ;(
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You just need to celebrate both days and John needs to buy you double presents (retroactively, for every year since he messed up). Happy birthday 😀
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Thanks! Double presents is a great idea. I don’t think my aging waistline can afford double dinner.
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Happy birthday (tomorrow)!
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Thanks! Will you marry me though?
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We could only do that in certain US states…and parts of Europe. Luckily I’m in Europe! Unhappily, I am already married. Though happily. Married that is. 😉 Happy Birthday for real today.
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