Dystexia

Like most parents, I worry.

Will my son, Jacob, succeed in life?  Will he pass Spanish?  Will he become a useful member of society or will he remain in the basement until he is dragged off by the Health Department?

But today I learned that I have one more worry to add to the pile.  You see, now I have to analyze his text messages for clues about his health.

Shit.

Yup, it’s true.  Because today in an article I found on Reuters.com, I read that there is a new malady, called “Dystexia.”  It’s when a person texts back nonsense in response to a regular, ordinary question.  And it can involve a trip to the emergency room.

The article linked to above, talks about a husband who realized that there was something wrong with his pregnant wife when her texts didn’t make sense.  She was rushed to the hospital and they found out she had had a stroke.

Now if you have a child, aged 8 to 25, you’ve already figured out where I’m going with this.

Because personally, I think I’m going to start worrying when my son’s text messages start making sense. 

Text message 3

Unless, of course, he wants money.  Then I’ll be sure it’s him and that he’s broke in a whole different way.

65 Comments

Filed under Childhood Traumas, Family, Health and Medicine, Humor

65 responses to “Dystexia

  1. GOF

    As I live beyond the range of mobile phones I have to assume my child is either in perfect mental health, or has already been institutionalised.

  2. I really feel sorry for the English Language, but it has all sorts of coping mechanisms (and synonyms for those mechanisms), so I won’t fret too much… ;)

  3. I don’t mind abbrevi8td txts. What irks me is grownups I went to highschool with who can’t spell on FaceBook. They shared my education and even went to college…but dropped the courtesy of punctuation and capitolization. Reading their posts and comments makes me realize I am ‘friends’ with some major idiots.

    • When I wrote a post about Newtown two weeks ago, I got a comment from a blogger who kept commenting on how ignorant I am. She did it with horrible spelling and poor grammar.

      Gotta love folks like that. Or smack them.

  4. I think he’ll be ok.
    As long as he stays off the emoticons. (they’re gateway icons.) ;)

  5. I no mean 2B a h8tr, but textn sux, yo.

  6. Oh, man, I hope my kids don’t read that article; its MY texts that never make sense! Partly because I own the world’s crappiest old phone, and partly because I can’t be bothered to fix those little typos…..

  7. Funny Elyse! :-) This is funny, and funny is good for me right now. Thanks!

  8. LOL! I’m still a holdout as far as using complete sentences in my texts–a dinosaur! This cracked me up!

  9. I don’t even know how to send a text. I probably have developmental dystexia.

  10. I would say I suffer from dystexia since I can’t compose a text message that doesn’t sound idiotic.

  11. Snoring Dog Studio

    The texts would only serve as indications of a health condition if you could decipher them, if you had your phone on, or if you could remember where you last put it. How very silly. One instance of a medical emergency gone well doesn’t make a news article worth writing. Oops, yes, I guess it did, huh?

  12. I am not even commenting on this. I grew so annoyed at my two sons I simply refused to respond unless they wrote in plain English, they said “But Mom”, I said “But my rosy red AZZ”.

    They learned quickly.

  13. My dad might have dystextia…or he could be partaking a little too much in the beer. It’s a toss up :)

  14. Good grief! Most of the texts I get from people would indicate any number of disorders. But, my insistence in responding in long form with punctuation and proper grammar may be a different disease entirely. Needless to say, I text sparingly, as it takes fifteen minutes to type one with my gorilla thumbs on my ant-sized keyboard.

    • That is actually the funny thing about the article, in my mind. The husband knew something was wrong with his wife — spell check had been turned off. Ummmm, texts can be so confusing. They are like the WordPress bubbles for answering comments. Things make sense when you’re doing it, but when you look back at the post they are posted as if someone shuffled them all up (for a perfect example, look at my post on Newtown).

      I do long texts with accurate spelling, grammar and punctuation, too. Somebody’s got to! Apparently it’s just you and me.

  15. The texting gen is a whole language in itself … and I’m interesting in learning too many new words. Hang in there Mom, but one question – does medical insurance cover it?

  16. I worry when I get the text messages with good grammar and punctuation, because that would indicate an abduction and I am forced to call the authorities.

    • Too true, Tops. Obviously an alien abduction. I bet they could even sing the second verse of the Star Spangled Banner! That’s how they found the German spies during WWII.

  17. I doubt if my mom met you and gave you her cell phone to take this picture. I’ve to ask her now!
    Oh I just saw that it’s sent from another person. Now I am on safer side.

    • ! I didn’t realize that you could see the texting party! Fortunately this one is a joke — it doesn’t have anybody’s name on it.

      Don’t text me for money, though, Arindam. My only child has cleaned me out!

  18. I’m with you. When your child texts you a coherent sentence, as a parent, you know you’re in trouble!

    • Absolutely.

      Occasionally I get on my high horse and demand he use punctuation so that I have a clue what he is talking about (see Eats shoots and leaves).

      But often he answers a question I haven’t asked. Or that’s what I’m guessing because the answers I get don’t respond to the question. I am developing a bald spot on the side of my head from scratching it in confusion!

  19. I think a bunch of my blogging buddies must have this condition!

  20. Hey, 98% of what I’ve said or written in the past 45 years qualifies. In that case, I had a stroke when I was 3. (Which would explain a HECK of a lot! ;) )

  21. I’m sure he has “send money” already added to his quick text list…

  22. twindaddy

    They’ll make anything a disease anymore.

    • I think that my son has had this condition since he got his first cell phone. So apparently he has had LOTS of strokes because he hasn’t made sense in years!

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