The Sequel

I’ve told you before:  I know these folks.  I grew up where the book was written and the movies filmed.  So I know all about these gals.

They don’t look or act any different in person than on TV.  They are molded this way from a special polymer.  From the earliest vestiges of childhood, they know their part.  They walk a little differently than you and me, they talk a little differently.  They stand a little differently.  The nose is up, the eyes are either scornful when looking at you and me, or doe-eyed, when looking at Daddy or Hubby or money or jewels.

Yes, here they are:

Did you hear that they’re coming out with a sequel?  GOP Stepford Wives!  Just look at the cast!  Perfect!

Ann “I smell liberals” Romney gets top billing.  This year, anyway.

And who can forget Cindy “Let them eat cake” McCain from 2008?

My shoes cost more than you make in a year!

They follow Laura “I should have married Jeb” Bush

How long do I have to smile?

And Nancy “I started this doe-eyed look, so honor me” Reagan

There will also be appearances by some who chose their spouses poorly:

Calista “I am the third wife of a serial cheater and hypocrite, pity me” Gingrich

Calista is still waiting to use that adoring look during Newt’s first State of the Union Address. With luck, she’ll wait forever.

And, there will be an appearance by the GOP’s token Female Candidate, Michele Bachmann

I want to be mayor of Stepford and make more women become just like me — certifiable.

I can’t wait to see this movie.  I’m betting the popcorn will be plastic, too.

[All photos are from Google, my God.]

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70 Comments

Filed under Awards, Campaigning, Conspicuous consumption, Elections, Fashion, Humor, Hypocrisy, Politics

70 responses to “The Sequel

  1. I’m glad to read your post — I’ve been mocking the Stepford Wives for months now. Especially Ann Romney. She just bugs me. Really bugs me.

    And, I admit I kind of miss Laura Bush — I wrote a post, on an old blog of mine, sometime during the 2004 election cycle, that I would not be surprised to find that Laura practiced midnight voodoo rituals in the Rose Garden.

    • Aren’t they awful. I agree about Ann. I would love to force feed her tuna and pasta …

      And are you suggesting that Laura hangs with Christine O’Donnel?

  2. I bet there will be some surprise twist at the end, like Sarah Palin ends up being the one manufacturing and programming the wives.

  3. Yep, that’s the thing. There are so many people in American who know what poor really means. I would have gained a lot of respect if Ann Romney had said, “You know, I know that no matter how hard my life has been at times, it could never compare with what so many Americans have had to suffer. In fact, because I’ve been so blessed, I want the same thing for every American and here’s how my husband is going to make it happen.” You know why she didn’t say that? Because you can only genuinely manifest what is in your heart. (I know someone who used to work for the Romneys and she was part of the team that jetted them from mansion to mansion on the weekends, depending on the weather–Palm Springs one weekend, Utah another weekend, Caymans the next, etc., etc.) We’ve got to fight this self-centered spirit with all our might. Thanks for writing such a great post!

    • Before she could have said that, as you pointed out, she would have had to feel it. She won’t ever know what it is like, and she can’t even imagine it. Obama and Michelle Obama? No, I don’t think they were poor the way you described it. But they struggled. They know folks who were that poor. They get it.

      The folks in the GOP just don’t. And then they tell folks how to live their lives.

      Thanks for your thoughtful comments, Eleanor.

  4. Creepy. They look like Stepford Wives…

  5. What a great commentary on the politician’s wives!

  6. I have to agree with your other commenters: I like Laura Bush–I like Barbara Bush (she is one ball breaker). But I agree with you on the assessment of the others. Oh my God! When Ann Romeny started pandering to women in her convention speech about how she had been poor and had to eat tuna fish off an ironing board that doubled as a desk she could feel my pain (WTF!), I almost vomited. This is what being poor is like: having nothing to eat for days on end until your stomach feels like it is feeding on itself; standing in sub-zero weather waiting for a bus to take you home after work, and your fingers get frozen into place around your stupid shopping bag of groceries because you can’t afford gloves; lining your holey shoes with newspapers and tin foil to try and keep out the snow, battling rats the size of cats with a broom, etc. I could go on and on for days about what I’ve experienced as someone who was once poor, and I’ve got to tell you, having to eat tuna fish out of a can would have been like being served f-ing filet mignon to me. Ann Romney pissed me off royally with the hubris of that speech! That woman has never had to work a day in her life and she has never, ever, ever been poor! (Now I’m so aggitated that I need to have a glass of wine from my wine cellar and remind myself that once I was poor but now I’m living the dream, but it all came about because of government programs that helped get my sorry ass out of the ghetto via an education and into a better life.) You are so right, Elyse. . .they are so Stepford!

    • Wow, Eleanor. I’m not quite sure what to say (very unusual development in my life).

      The things that you described, well, nobody in America should be experiencing them. And yet I know that there are many people who do, year after year, without much hope of making it out. And that is so deeply, fundamentally wrong.

      I’m sorry that Ann and Mitt and the rest of the GOP have never had to face even a fraction of what you went through. I wish we could develop a total immersion program for all of these “They need to Pull themselves Up By Their Bootstrap” folks. Give them a taste of what they never in their wildest nightmares experienced. And then let them know that they could get out if they could only pull hard enough on those bootstraps. Think we can get any money in the budget for that?

      OK, I’ll go along with Laura. She isn’t at any rate in the same field as the others. Not nearly as Stepford (but I won’t deny the obvious look of drugs and alcohol in those eyes). And I do like Barbara Bush too. I disagree with her, and she is the mother of Dubya, but still, she is her own person.

  7. I happen to like Laura (she’s socially liberal and I love when a First Lady has the gall to disagree with her husband on an issue). Although, I can’t get my head around her marrying George? They married rather late in life considering the era. Maybe she was getting desperate?

  8. GOF

    All these recent goings-on scare me….and I live on the other side of the world.

  9. I was almost scared to read this but I am so glad I did! So funny I loved it

  10. Pretty sure. Because actually walking on them does nasty things to those $600 shoes. I mean, really Val.

    Plus I know for a fact that they did not talk to me when I lived next door. I’m pretty sure you have to be a blood relation or equally rich for them to deign to notice you. So I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t notice you — they would be able to sense that you have a conscience.

  11. EWWWWWW

    These are not women I would want to meet on a dark street.

  12. I don’t know why but Calista creeps me out. Maybe it’s that plasti-hair that never moves … shudder.

    MJ

  13. Oh, wow. I don’t reckon Stepford would be the town for me. Seems like it would be cold all the time, even in summer and I’d have to always watch my back, which could end up being physically painful.

  14. I bet Ira Levin would approve.

  15. Or play funny–which you did! Love it!

  16. I have to say, since George left the White House, Laura has come into her own. I like her now. As for Calista, your advice is best – may she forever wait!

    • Hi Renee,
      I have heard good things about Laura Bush and did even while he was in office. I might like her too if I met her, but I can’t give her a pass — she married and stuck with a man who did so much damage. What, didn’t she notice?

      And yup, I hope Calista’s wait is long and fruitless!

  17. Hahahaha! My mother and I were discussing this today….hahaha! She watched what she could of the convention. Today she came out with this statement… “It was like watching talking mannequins, I was so scared my heart started to jump and I turned it off.” We always thought poor Laura was on drugs…any drugs.

    • If you had married George W Bush, Tops, you’d be on drugs too.

      But it is the whole look and feel of these women. Ann Romney ticks me off because she is completely out of touch with reality. Cindy McCain really made me nuts though. And Laura Bush who from what I have read actually has a brain — how could she marry/stay married to that man?

      Uh. Plastic. Mannequins. Stepford wives the lot of them.

  18. John Erickson

    Wow! I ain’t seen that much plastic since I visited my former employer’s credit-card printing facility in Tennessee! :D
    BTW, I saw a great little factoid go past today. Mrs. Gingrich III, she of the “we voted for Reagan”? Yeah – she was 14 when Reagan ran. Or maybe they just mis-set her odometer…. ;)
    Any idea whatever happened to “I’m Not A Witch”? God help me, but she was actually kinda cute – if you could ignore the crazy!

    • Plastic. Yup. You know, Calista could well be old enough to have voted for Reagan — if you dip something in plastic it lasts and lasts …

      Christine O’Donnell — yes, she would have been great in a sit comedy. But as a Senator? Nah. I think she’s a pundit now, although why anyone would want her opinion, I don’ t know. Because as you said, John, she’s crazy!

  19. Well, most of the Stepford wives were benign, so I don’t think Michelle Bachmann belongs in this group. She’d make a much more suitable mayor of Crazytown.

  20. Hmm. . . what is that squeeges me so? Is it the dead, dead eyes?

Play nice, please.

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