Gizmos and Gadgets

In the last two years electronics manufacturers replaced  product instruction booklets with human tears — mine.

Until 2008, each computer, radio, TV, cellphone, or other electronic device had a little booklet that told all about the product I’d just bought.  Important things.  How to turn it on, for example.  It is not always that obvious, you know.  The booklet also told me how to turn it off, and how to mute it.  That last one’s especially important given the current crop of advertisements, mostly for other gadgets that won’t have booklets either.

Those were the days.  I remember fondly that I would pull out the instruction booklet first.  If I’d had any inkling that the lines and those pages would soon disappear, I would have treated it better.  But when I’d get something new, I’d push the manual aside, heartlessly toss it to the floor and completely ignore it.  I would turn on the gizmo and figure out exactly how to make it do just what I wanted done.  I could always figure out how to use it, even the most complicated ones.  The instructions were then put into the drawer next to the oven with the rest of the booklets.  That drawer collapsed in 2009 under the weight of instruction booklets for the 4,153 electronic devices we’ve purchased since we bought the house in 2002.

Now, I understand the need to cut back on paper usage.  I am all for saving rainforests I’ll never see, limiting emissions that may or may not be causing global warming.  I’m into all that sort of environmental crap, really I am.  But  they cut out my little booklets at exactly the same moment that they made the damn gizmos completely incomprehensible.

When manufacturers first removed my instruction booklets, I was brave.  I didn’t cry for the first three or four hours while I pushed every frickin’ button on my new cell phone, hoping in vain that one of them might just turn it “ON.” Naturally, the power button was the one I didn’t press because that had a picture of what clearly represented “OFF” and the bloomin’ button is RED.  Am I the only person who ever played Red Light/Green Light????  RED IS STOP.  GREEN IS GO.  Jeez.

OK, I know I should have gotten over this particular problem with my very first Windows product, but I didn’t.  And I won’t.  Not ever.  And I will never feel stupid for not pressing OFF when I want ON.

Still, I do try to not be a crybaby.  And sometimes I make it.  For a while.

I didn’t cry for 6.5 hours when my new “plug in and use” laptop couldn’t be.  Equally exasperating, this laptop had no installed software that would have permitted use once it was plugged in.  As I sobbed to a Geek Squad Rep at Best Buy, I was told “there’s no software on it because people like to individualize.”

“I’m pretty sure,”  I said, pulling my head out of the paper bag I’d been breathing into, “that Neanderthals like me who buy products advertised to be ‘plugged in and used’ aren’t all that into individualization.”

It has gotten to the point where sometimes I don’t even bother crying.  I just throw stuff.  In fact, hospital emergency rooms see a 5-fold rise in shoulder, elbow, wrist and foot injuries during the holiday season as consumers throw, fling or kick their electronic Christmas gifts across the room, trying to miss the Christmas tree it took them so damn long to hang lights on.   Personally, I worry that I might decapitate relatives who wander into my house within 24 hours of a technology acquisition, when I have just sent something flying.

So all that is left for me to do now is cry.  And I do.  Every single time I buy something.  I’m considering going for a Guinness World Record for “Most electronics-related crying jags.”  Other contenders should just throw in the towel.  Or a tissue.

7 Comments

Filed under Humor

7 responses to “Gizmos and Gadgets

  1. OMG! So funny! I too miss the booklets…. I used to think that I was somewhat of a savant when it came to new gadgets. I would open the box and instinctively know what to do. Now, I don’t. It took me 4 months to figure out my digital camera, and still now I only know how to turn it off and on….And it took me a month to learn the blackberry and i still have no idea of all of its capabilities. And we have finally one of those new fangled flat screen tvs, and it is a mystery to me. The thing came with pictures and arrows (like cave paintings) and I still can’t figure the thing out. I too get really pissed. .

  2. We were separated at birth, or at Best Buy.

  3. Rodrigo

    It sounds like you need a teenager to help you figure out all these gizmos and gadgets.
    One of them fixed this whole internet through TV thing for me in about half an hour, when it had just been left sitting there useless for a couple months.

  4. I do need a teenager! Where do they sell them? Do they come with instruction booklets???????

  5. Ah, the changing times, Elyse.
    We, at our midlife, now feel the effects of getting no younger.
    Keeping abreast with “new technologies” somehow take toll (LOL);
    unless we are still on denial stage. Hmmm..

    Thanks for liking my posts, “The Wall Says All” and “The Music of Our Teens (’70s); the latter is quite similar to this post of yours on gizmos and gadgets. You have a nice blog. I follow.

    Cheers! :)

    • Yes, technology does not make me feel younger — and if I didn’t have to use it I would absolutely be in denial! This is a pretty old post so I’m not sure how you found it.

      I always check out the posts of new folks visiting my blogs — and I particularly liked “The Music of Our Teens (http://shiftingshades.wordpress.com/2012/03/11/the-music-of-our-teens-70s/). It looks like you’ve been blogging much longer than I have!

      Thanks again for visiting and joining the gang.

      • I was curious about the title of your blog; I just surmised (at first impression) it has reference to your age, which is about same as mine, I supposed. I surfed on your site and found this post interesting (among others). I will be visiting again.

        I’m glad to have found you. See you around.

Play nice, please.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s